I'm going to have to brag a little, so, you've been fairly warned. Easter would usually be a day that I would use as an excuse to forget everything I learned, forget everything I was doing and gorge myself on whatever was around, in mass quantities. "But it's a holiday" I would say to justify eating the ears off of my second or third chocolate rabbit, even if I wasn't hungry. I'd go to the party knowing exactly how I would leave...stuffed. That's what the holiday is about, isn't it? At least that's what it always had been about for me.
This time around was different though. I am no longer the Sarah of Easter Past, I am a brand spanking new kind of Sarah Bunny with an entirely different approach to food and holidays (I do still wear my "Bunny in training" badge though, I'm not comfy claiming "cured" just yet).
This Easter holiday I tried to be very thoughful of what I was doing (and trying to accomplish) and what I have discussed with Dewy, and I went into the holiday like any other day.
That morning I stuck to my usual routine. I ate every 2-3 hours up until we were at my brother and sister in laws house, where I knew I would be thrown off course. It's here that a lesson I learned at my last two appointments with Dewy came into play. I knew (and know) that I will be put in situations where it is "time to eat" before it is MY time to eat. My problem is, I don't want to draw attention to myself by NOT eating because then you get into big discussions of "why aren't you eating" or "Oh you're on a DIET" (God forbid) or just other uncomfortable things that people can say that make you feel self conscious. I want to avoid that. And honestly, I do want to eat with everybody else. It is part of the celebration of being together, sharing food and enjoying one another's company and why SHOULDN'T I do that?
So I did.
I brought a dill dip and tons of fresh veggies and sourdough bread and I snacked on that with everybody else. I kept in mind some of the tips that I read in the book Mindless Eating (great read, by the way, highley recommend it) and walked away from the area where the food was kept and concentrated on the conversation and what was happening elsewhere. By time lunch rolled around, I ate a normal portion of food and that was it. Done deal. No pants exploding, no miserable stomach ache from stuffing myself, just a normal, average, every day "I just ate my meal" feeling.
In fact, I haven't made myself sick from eating in ages... months upon months... I haven't rubbed my belly and said "OMG I'm going to puke" in a very, very long time. And although I say it with a smirk, it's actually a pretty big deal. I've taken a lifetime habit that I can trace back to my childhood and stopped it. I have stopped it. That's massive. It's not just a little thing, it's really, truely massive. Everything I knew about eating and being "full" has finally been redefined for me. I am eating like a normal, every day, average human.
It has never felt so good to be so average. Just your everyday, average Joe here. Nice to meet you!
I hope you all had a wonderful Easter or Passover and I hope you're all having healthy, successful weeks.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I'm a terrible cheater, the guilt, oh the guilt! I confess!
All my life I've been a horrible liar. I stammer, I turn red, I stutter, I stumble... I may as well have bells and whistles going off behind me with a huge arrow hovering over my head saying "liar! liar! liar!". Cheating is along the same lines as lying, it's just in another form and just like with telling untruths, I feel guilty as sin and feel the need to confess... here... to you...right now.
I cracked. I just couldn't stand no knowing anymore. I...
(wait for it)....
stepped on the scale!
Yes, I know, I know, I am supposed to be "weighing blind" and that it's been going so well. And yes I know that Dewy said for me just to try it for a while to see how it goes and if it really is something that would work for me (not against me) and yes, it has been working but I just couldn't STAND it anymore. I hadn't weighed-in in eons (okay so it'd only been a couple of week but still, it FELT a lot longer considering I used to bounce on and off the scale daily) but I just couldn't hack it anymore. I mean, even my blog is called Weighing-IN, isn't it? I was feeling great, my clothes were loser and I just had to know what I weighed. I had to know!
So, the question is, do you wanna know? Do you wanna know what I weighed? Are you half as excited to find out as I am to tell you? Are ya? Well are you?!?!?!?
Good. Now that you are mentally prepared, get ready to feast (or famine) your eyes on this:
I'm at 125 kilos or 275 pounds!!!! That's 12 kilos or a little over 26 pounds GONE! That's taking a 137 kilo or 301 pound woman and shrinking her by doing nothing more than having a plan and a routine! 26 pounds GONE!
Needless to say, and as if you couldn't tell by the tone of this post, I am elated. Some may think "you're still 275 fleshy pounds of woman, what are you so happy about" but those people can kiss my fleshy rear! It's not the numbers so much as the entire experience on the whole that has me hootin and a hollerin. It's just been brilliant and I cannot say enough times how happy I am that I made the decision to get help when I really, really felt I needed it. Maybe it's not for everybody (and maybe it's not for you) but man-o-man it is the magic key for me and it feels awesome.
So here's the plan, I'm going to keep plugging along, a day at a time and stick to what I know and stick to what is working. The weather has been gorgeous here lately and I've been walking at lunch and sneaking in evening bike rides with the family, so I think things are just going in the totally right direction for me.
And I can only wish the same is happening for all of you. I hope you're all having healthy, successful weeks!
I cracked. I just couldn't stand no knowing anymore. I...
(wait for it)....
stepped on the scale!
Yes, I know, I know, I am supposed to be "weighing blind" and that it's been going so well. And yes I know that Dewy said for me just to try it for a while to see how it goes and if it really is something that would work for me (not against me) and yes, it has been working but I just couldn't STAND it anymore. I hadn't weighed-in in eons (okay so it'd only been a couple of week but still, it FELT a lot longer considering I used to bounce on and off the scale daily) but I just couldn't hack it anymore. I mean, even my blog is called Weighing-IN, isn't it? I was feeling great, my clothes were loser and I just had to know what I weighed. I had to know!
So, the question is, do you wanna know? Do you wanna know what I weighed? Are you half as excited to find out as I am to tell you? Are ya? Well are you?!?!?!?
Good. Now that you are mentally prepared, get ready to feast (or famine) your eyes on this:
I'm at 125 kilos or 275 pounds!!!! That's 12 kilos or a little over 26 pounds GONE! That's taking a 137 kilo or 301 pound woman and shrinking her by doing nothing more than having a plan and a routine! 26 pounds GONE!
Needless to say, and as if you couldn't tell by the tone of this post, I am elated. Some may think "you're still 275 fleshy pounds of woman, what are you so happy about" but those people can kiss my fleshy rear! It's not the numbers so much as the entire experience on the whole that has me hootin and a hollerin. It's just been brilliant and I cannot say enough times how happy I am that I made the decision to get help when I really, really felt I needed it. Maybe it's not for everybody (and maybe it's not for you) but man-o-man it is the magic key for me and it feels awesome.
So here's the plan, I'm going to keep plugging along, a day at a time and stick to what I know and stick to what is working. The weather has been gorgeous here lately and I've been walking at lunch and sneaking in evening bike rides with the family, so I think things are just going in the totally right direction for me.
And I can only wish the same is happening for all of you. I hope you're all having healthy, successful weeks!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The Voices in my Head
I talk on here a lot about the "voices in my head" when it comes to exercise, eating and decision making. Back in 2006 I wrote this funny post about good Sarah Vs. Evil Sarah and after re-reading it I realized a couple things:
1) I have always, always struggled internally with what I should do and what I feel like doing.
2) I sometimes sound like a raving lunatic and openly share that with others. Should I be concerned? Nah!
3) My voices have hit puberty, changed and matured.
Yes, they hit puberty, changed and matured.
I no longer hear kicking and screaming adolescent voices battling it out for "do we eat it, don't we eat it, yes we eat it, no we shouldn't eat it, have it, don't have it, of course you can, no you can't". Thank GOD we (me and the voices) have gotten out of the terrible two's, past the tweens, survived teenage angst and have finally moved into young adult hood. With the help of Dewy and Novarum, those kids have grown up, settled down and become just much more mellow creatures. They're still ever present, but no where near as sassy as they used to be.
I guess because I have a plan, and I stick to that plan and it takes so much of the guess work out of things, hence quieting everything down a bit. My nagging questions went from "oh my God if I eat that ice cream will everybody stare at me" to a much more calm (and less negative) "if I were a normal, rational human being, would I eat ice cream with my child on this sunny day". (the answer to the second half being yes, but if it were just me, passing McDonald's drive thru and wondering that same question, the answer would be no).
I'm not trying to figure out if it will "ruin" anything or how long I can go without eating, I'm just simply trying to see if that's what a normal, average, run of the mill "Jane" would. I'm also making sure that when I do eat, it's within my time frames (so no sooner than two hours from the last time I ate and no later than 3 hours since the last time I ate).
It just amazes me that such simple, easy changes have made such an enormous impact on me. And I'm not using words like "enormous impact" for dramatization... I honestly feel like such a very different person than the one that was writing this blog just a year ago. I am in such a different place, mentally. And those voices, those battling voices of good and evil... they've shut their yaps for the most part.
And maybe you guys won't even get this or won't even understand because maybe you've not had the same battles with yourself in your head, but it used to be that standing in line waiting to pay for my food at lunchtime was one of the most intense, draining experiences of my day (or the grocery store, eeeekkkk!). God, the decisions, the temptations, the self doubt, the criticism of myself and the criticism of others (or so I would imagine), the dialogue would just go on and on, endlessly. Even after I made my purchases it would continue. This was all day long, every meal, every snack, every decision. I was so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions about food and eating. I was constantly in the middle of this terrible battle and I was not winning.
Now, I can walk in, know that I will make a good decision, know that I am okay, know that nobody is really judging me (and if they are a big F.U. to you, because you obviously have no clue what I'm doing or have done, or what I'm about to do) and I can sit down, eat my lunch and read a book. I can read a book! Not that you should be surprised that I am literate (HAHA) but that I can stop arguing in my head long enough to actually relax a read. And that's it. Quietly. No arguments. No fuss. No guilt. No battles. Nothing. I'm just a normal person, eating a normal lunch on a normal day.
This revolution and evolution has been ___________, what? What has it been? Life changing? Yes. Overwhelming in a positive way? Yes. Phenomenal? Yes. Subtle? YES!
Just feeling calm, in control and normal, it's more, to me, than I can ever put into words for you.
I hope you are all having healthy, successful weeks.
1) I have always, always struggled internally with what I should do and what I feel like doing.
2) I sometimes sound like a raving lunatic and openly share that with others. Should I be concerned? Nah!
3) My voices have hit puberty, changed and matured.
Yes, they hit puberty, changed and matured.
I no longer hear kicking and screaming adolescent voices battling it out for "do we eat it, don't we eat it, yes we eat it, no we shouldn't eat it, have it, don't have it, of course you can, no you can't". Thank GOD we (me and the voices) have gotten out of the terrible two's, past the tweens, survived teenage angst and have finally moved into young adult hood. With the help of Dewy and Novarum, those kids have grown up, settled down and become just much more mellow creatures. They're still ever present, but no where near as sassy as they used to be.
I guess because I have a plan, and I stick to that plan and it takes so much of the guess work out of things, hence quieting everything down a bit. My nagging questions went from "oh my God if I eat that ice cream will everybody stare at me" to a much more calm (and less negative) "if I were a normal, rational human being, would I eat ice cream with my child on this sunny day". (the answer to the second half being yes, but if it were just me, passing McDonald's drive thru and wondering that same question, the answer would be no).
I'm not trying to figure out if it will "ruin" anything or how long I can go without eating, I'm just simply trying to see if that's what a normal, average, run of the mill "Jane" would. I'm also making sure that when I do eat, it's within my time frames (so no sooner than two hours from the last time I ate and no later than 3 hours since the last time I ate).
It just amazes me that such simple, easy changes have made such an enormous impact on me. And I'm not using words like "enormous impact" for dramatization... I honestly feel like such a very different person than the one that was writing this blog just a year ago. I am in such a different place, mentally. And those voices, those battling voices of good and evil... they've shut their yaps for the most part.
And maybe you guys won't even get this or won't even understand because maybe you've not had the same battles with yourself in your head, but it used to be that standing in line waiting to pay for my food at lunchtime was one of the most intense, draining experiences of my day (or the grocery store, eeeekkkk!). God, the decisions, the temptations, the self doubt, the criticism of myself and the criticism of others (or so I would imagine), the dialogue would just go on and on, endlessly. Even after I made my purchases it would continue. This was all day long, every meal, every snack, every decision. I was so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions about food and eating. I was constantly in the middle of this terrible battle and I was not winning.
Now, I can walk in, know that I will make a good decision, know that I am okay, know that nobody is really judging me (and if they are a big F.U. to you, because you obviously have no clue what I'm doing or have done, or what I'm about to do) and I can sit down, eat my lunch and read a book. I can read a book! Not that you should be surprised that I am literate (HAHA) but that I can stop arguing in my head long enough to actually relax a read. And that's it. Quietly. No arguments. No fuss. No guilt. No battles. Nothing. I'm just a normal person, eating a normal lunch on a normal day.
This revolution and evolution has been ___________, what? What has it been? Life changing? Yes. Overwhelming in a positive way? Yes. Phenomenal? Yes. Subtle? YES!
Just feeling calm, in control and normal, it's more, to me, than I can ever put into words for you.
I hope you are all having healthy, successful weeks.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
As promised, some progress pics
So this was me "before", in May 2010. I believe this dress is a Dutch size 54, which is about a 24/26 in US sizes, depending up on the store.
This is me this morning. This is the jacket (size 18/20) that I have had hanging in my closet for years and just couldn't fit into for the longest time (years). The pants are size 24, but they are one size too big so I assume I am in a US size 22. Unfortunately I don't have any 22's to try on to see how they fit.
The obligatory goofy side pose, foot kick.
And this is another size 18/20 jacket that I've been waiting to wear and luckily I fit in them during the right season!
And there you have it, proof that I really do exist!
Hope you are all having healthy successful weekends!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Shoes anyone?
I went to a podiatrist today because I've been having foot pain for, oh, about a year, and I finally got worried enough that I was doing damage to my feet that I asked for a referral. He said I had very high arches, which in a lot of people, causes them to walk on the outsides of their feet, which I do. So now he's making me inserts for my shoes but I really would like to buy some shoes that are good for feet with high arches that don't look like I'm an 89 year old retiree (which is what I found when googling).
I told him I had such a hard time finding shoes to fit me because my feet are big (size 10US, 42 EU), wide (double wide, really) and tall (meaning the top of my foot is high, I guess due to the high arch) and he pretty much said "yeah, it's hard". LOL Thanks buddy! He was a really funny, nice guy though.
I used to buy tons of shoes all of the time thinking "maybe these won't kill my feet" only to be peeling them off of my tootsies an hour later as I hobble around in pain. I really, really dislike it. I will find so many cute shoes, especially summer sandals that I would just LOVE to wear and when I try to put them on I look like a giant stuffing their feet into a child's shoe. It's ridiculous.
I've also been reading that people with high arches should stay away from heels as much as possible because it just puts more strain on the already strained areas. Fine by me, I can't walk in the suckers anyway, but I do work in the corporate world and I do need to be able to dress professionally with professional shoes! I've been getting away with wearing my trainers at work but it looks so silly and makes me so self conscious.
So to finally get around to what I'm asking. If you have high arches, what kind of dress shoes do you wear and what kind of trainers do you find work best for you.
I get my custom made insoles next week, so it should be interesting to see how it works out!
I told him I had such a hard time finding shoes to fit me because my feet are big (size 10US, 42 EU), wide (double wide, really) and tall (meaning the top of my foot is high, I guess due to the high arch) and he pretty much said "yeah, it's hard". LOL Thanks buddy! He was a really funny, nice guy though.
I used to buy tons of shoes all of the time thinking "maybe these won't kill my feet" only to be peeling them off of my tootsies an hour later as I hobble around in pain. I really, really dislike it. I will find so many cute shoes, especially summer sandals that I would just LOVE to wear and when I try to put them on I look like a giant stuffing their feet into a child's shoe. It's ridiculous.
I've also been reading that people with high arches should stay away from heels as much as possible because it just puts more strain on the already strained areas. Fine by me, I can't walk in the suckers anyway, but I do work in the corporate world and I do need to be able to dress professionally with professional shoes! I've been getting away with wearing my trainers at work but it looks so silly and makes me so self conscious.
So to finally get around to what I'm asking. If you have high arches, what kind of dress shoes do you wear and what kind of trainers do you find work best for you.
I get my custom made insoles next week, so it should be interesting to see how it works out!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
SCORE!!!!!
I've been feeling kind of awesome lately so I thought I'd try on some of my "old" jackets I have hanging in my closet that haven't fit in for ages. Literally it's been YEARS since I've been able to wear them but they're so cute (and were expensive!) that I cannot give them away or get rid of them, always having it in the back of my mind that "someday they will fit again". They're size 18/20 and I've been wearing 24/26. Well, "someday they will fit again" is today. I put on those two jackets this morning and they not only fit, they look AWESOME. I cannot believe it. I seriously had no idea I was at that point yet. I'm still wearing all of my 24/26 clothes and I knew they were baggy and not looking so hot but I had no idea that I would fit into those sizes already. I expected a "pull" in the arms, or a squeeze here or there, but they fit. Well.
I will admit though, my top half seems to be losing more than my bottom. I cannot fit into my 20's in jeans and I no longer own a size 22, so I'm still wearing my 24's, which look awful. Really awful. I'm going to have to rectify that situation soon!
I'll take some pictures over the weekend with me in the jackets so you guys can see! Yipee!!!
I hope you are all having healthy, successful weeks!
I will admit though, my top half seems to be losing more than my bottom. I cannot fit into my 20's in jeans and I no longer own a size 22, so I'm still wearing my 24's, which look awful. Really awful. I'm going to have to rectify that situation soon!
I'll take some pictures over the weekend with me in the jackets so you guys can see! Yipee!!!
I hope you are all having healthy, successful weeks!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
A (wo)man with a plan!
If you don't realize it, let me just give you a quick rundown of 'me'. I'm an American woman, living in the Netherlands. I've been in the NL since 2004 and get back "home" about once a year. I look forward to this time for months and months before I go. I have countdowns a hundred days in advance, just ticking off the moments until I am with my family and friends.
What you may or may not realize is that every time I go "home" I start planning, months ahead of time, to lose at least 5-10 pounds so I can gain it while I'm in the US of A. A little messed up to think that way? Sure, I'll give you that, but it makes sense in my head. I mean, surely I couldn't be expected to stick to any sort of plan, routine or regimen while on vacation, while in the US, while surrounded by my home country's newest national pass time.... cooking and eating?!?!?
This year I am planning a June trip back to the US and mentioned it in passing at my last appointment with Dewy and told her my usual mode of operation.
Apparently, that's not how we're going to approach vacation in the US this time around, or ever again. She pointed out the fact that I probably strictly "dieted" for the weeks leading up to my trip basically setting myself up for a bunch of binges while I'm there. (man, was she RIGHT there).
My palms got sweaty as I realized she was getting ready to tell me that I wouldn't be eating Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake (which is my alltime favorite food in the entire world, ever, ever. ever). She was going to tell me that I wouldn't be enjoying my cousin Mark's smoked ribs, that I couldn't *gasp* (sorry, I had to brace myself for this one) visit the Dairy Queen! God I just knew it, I knew it in my head that she was getting ready to boss me around, preach it to me like the sinner I was, and give me the verbal lashing even before I did anything! God I hated it!
And then she shocked the devil out of me when she said "well why wouldn't you enjoy the foods you love when you were home?"
Me, queen of witty retorts, snappy comebacks and sarcasm galore, didn't have an answer. I just sat there... gobsmacked.
And she really meant it! Why shouldn't I eat the foods I enjoy while I'm home?
So, we are actually going to make a plan. I'm going to go on vacation and keep living the life I am living now. That seems very simple and kind of "duh" but I've actually never done that before. I am still going to try to reach all of my mini goals that I have made (fish three times a week, at least a liter of water every day, fruit twice a day etc) because those things are simple, tiny and not really a big deal. That's the beauty in making small, even subtle, changes... they're easy to keep up with no matter where you are or what the situation is. And again, I won't be striving for perfection but I will try to get as close as I can without getting obsessed.
I AM going to eat my dad's pizza and his potato salad. No, I won't eat them in the mass quantities that I have eaten them in the past but hell yeah I'm going to eat them. Mostly because Dewy said I could.
I'm going to have Cheesecake. I am going to savor, enjoy, feel, love and BE the Cheesecake. I'm not going to eat it willynilly by huge forkfulls, I am going to really become one with the cheesecake. I will take tiny bites of the cool, thick, sweet confection and feel it dance down my tongue to my tummy. Okay so this is a little dramatic, a little overboard but really, I am going to have it and I really am going to think about it and enjoy it in the moment. Dewey said I could.
She also asked me to make a list of all of the wonderful, "home" items that I am looking forward to indulging in while I am in the US and bring it to our next meeting. I'm not 100% sure of what we'll do with the list once I have it but I am going to make the list like a good student and see where we go from there.
I am so excited to know that I am not running to the US blind, with every intention of gaining weight while I'm there. I am glad that I won't have those guilty feelings that I always have while I'm there, eating until I'm sick and afterwards when I return home and see the damage. I am thrilled that I don't have to worry about the period when I get back and have to get "back down" to where I was pre-vacation. I won't have that guilt. I won't have that depression (at least from food, I will still be sad that I'm no longer there) surrounding the very idea of "man, if I can't do it while on vacation then can I really do it". I don't have to worry about feeling stuffed. I don't have to worry about binging. Just knowing I will have a plan and it will be a plan that I can live with has already made my vacation and the weeks following so much more enjoyable, and I haven't even left the Netherlands.
If I haven't said it before, and I'm pretty sure I haven't, I am beyond thrilled that I made the decision to get help for my disorderly eating. I am glad I didn't give up on the clinic even after the rocky start. I am proud that I am following this through, being open to suggestions and taking everything on board. I am very happy to be in the place that I am in right now and that's a pretty big deal. A really big deal.
I hope you all are having healthy, successful weeks!
What you may or may not realize is that every time I go "home" I start planning, months ahead of time, to lose at least 5-10 pounds so I can gain it while I'm in the US of A. A little messed up to think that way? Sure, I'll give you that, but it makes sense in my head. I mean, surely I couldn't be expected to stick to any sort of plan, routine or regimen while on vacation, while in the US, while surrounded by my home country's newest national pass time.... cooking and eating?!?!?
This year I am planning a June trip back to the US and mentioned it in passing at my last appointment with Dewy and told her my usual mode of operation.
Apparently, that's not how we're going to approach vacation in the US this time around, or ever again. She pointed out the fact that I probably strictly "dieted" for the weeks leading up to my trip basically setting myself up for a bunch of binges while I'm there. (man, was she RIGHT there).
My palms got sweaty as I realized she was getting ready to tell me that I wouldn't be eating Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake (which is my alltime favorite food in the entire world, ever, ever. ever). She was going to tell me that I wouldn't be enjoying my cousin Mark's smoked ribs, that I couldn't *gasp* (sorry, I had to brace myself for this one) visit the Dairy Queen! God I just knew it, I knew it in my head that she was getting ready to boss me around, preach it to me like the sinner I was, and give me the verbal lashing even before I did anything! God I hated it!
And then she shocked the devil out of me when she said "well why wouldn't you enjoy the foods you love when you were home?"
Me, queen of witty retorts, snappy comebacks and sarcasm galore, didn't have an answer. I just sat there... gobsmacked.
And she really meant it! Why shouldn't I eat the foods I enjoy while I'm home?
So, we are actually going to make a plan. I'm going to go on vacation and keep living the life I am living now. That seems very simple and kind of "duh" but I've actually never done that before. I am still going to try to reach all of my mini goals that I have made (fish three times a week, at least a liter of water every day, fruit twice a day etc) because those things are simple, tiny and not really a big deal. That's the beauty in making small, even subtle, changes... they're easy to keep up with no matter where you are or what the situation is. And again, I won't be striving for perfection but I will try to get as close as I can without getting obsessed.
I AM going to eat my dad's pizza and his potato salad. No, I won't eat them in the mass quantities that I have eaten them in the past but hell yeah I'm going to eat them. Mostly because Dewy said I could.
I'm going to have Cheesecake. I am going to savor, enjoy, feel, love and BE the Cheesecake. I'm not going to eat it willynilly by huge forkfulls, I am going to really become one with the cheesecake. I will take tiny bites of the cool, thick, sweet confection and feel it dance down my tongue to my tummy. Okay so this is a little dramatic, a little overboard but really, I am going to have it and I really am going to think about it and enjoy it in the moment. Dewey said I could.
She also asked me to make a list of all of the wonderful, "home" items that I am looking forward to indulging in while I am in the US and bring it to our next meeting. I'm not 100% sure of what we'll do with the list once I have it but I am going to make the list like a good student and see where we go from there.
I am so excited to know that I am not running to the US blind, with every intention of gaining weight while I'm there. I am glad that I won't have those guilty feelings that I always have while I'm there, eating until I'm sick and afterwards when I return home and see the damage. I am thrilled that I don't have to worry about the period when I get back and have to get "back down" to where I was pre-vacation. I won't have that guilt. I won't have that depression (at least from food, I will still be sad that I'm no longer there) surrounding the very idea of "man, if I can't do it while on vacation then can I really do it". I don't have to worry about feeling stuffed. I don't have to worry about binging. Just knowing I will have a plan and it will be a plan that I can live with has already made my vacation and the weeks following so much more enjoyable, and I haven't even left the Netherlands.
If I haven't said it before, and I'm pretty sure I haven't, I am beyond thrilled that I made the decision to get help for my disorderly eating. I am glad I didn't give up on the clinic even after the rocky start. I am proud that I am following this through, being open to suggestions and taking everything on board. I am very happy to be in the place that I am in right now and that's a pretty big deal. A really big deal.
I hope you all are having healthy, successful weeks!
Wii Fit Coach is kicking my booty
Just this week I've come to the realization that my Wii Fit Coach can do so much more than just simple aerobic workouts. I always just automatically clicked to "cardio" skipping (or grapevining) right past all of the other options.
The other day I took my time when logging in and listened to what my coach was actually saying and read the script that said "Coach's recommendation for today has a star by it" and sure enough, there in the list of workout choices was a little while star by "lower body" so I thought "why the heck not".
I'll be honest here, I've actually started looking closer at the program because I've been a bit bored with my workouts with the coach. There is only so much cardio-in-the-living-room a girl can do before she starts dreaming of sweating it off in other ways. That's how I stumbled upon my other workouts and I haven't been bored since!
I still get in cardio, it starts with the normal warm up and I think 15 minutes of the regular cardio workout, which at my size, works up a nice little glisten, but then you do the last half with strength training, either upper body, lower body, flexibility or a couple other choices that I can't remember right now and that is when the fun begins. I've been doing planks, yoga poses, lunges, side leg lifts and a plethora of other butt kicking-muscle tiring-toes are sweating - moves and it's been awesome.
Back when I did have a gym member ship, many years (and one child) ago, my favorite part wasn't on the treadmill, or the elliptical machine or the bike or any cardio machine... my favorite part was the weigh lifting and the body pump classes. Finding these little gems on my own home workout game, that doesn't require me to pay a monthly fee or leave my house, has been wonderful and a total motivational boost.
I feel so tired when I am done with these workouts that it makes me beam with pride. THIS is what I loved about my workouts back in '06 - '07, the feeling that I've not only moved, but I mooooooooooved. I am really looking forward to getting better at the strength training and seeing my body change like I know it will.
I hope you all are having healthy, successful weeks!
The other day I took my time when logging in and listened to what my coach was actually saying and read the script that said "Coach's recommendation for today has a star by it" and sure enough, there in the list of workout choices was a little while star by "lower body" so I thought "why the heck not".
I'll be honest here, I've actually started looking closer at the program because I've been a bit bored with my workouts with the coach. There is only so much cardio-in-the-living-room a girl can do before she starts dreaming of sweating it off in other ways. That's how I stumbled upon my other workouts and I haven't been bored since!
I still get in cardio, it starts with the normal warm up and I think 15 minutes of the regular cardio workout, which at my size, works up a nice little glisten, but then you do the last half with strength training, either upper body, lower body, flexibility or a couple other choices that I can't remember right now and that is when the fun begins. I've been doing planks, yoga poses, lunges, side leg lifts and a plethora of other butt kicking-muscle tiring-toes are sweating - moves and it's been awesome.
Back when I did have a gym member ship, many years (and one child) ago, my favorite part wasn't on the treadmill, or the elliptical machine or the bike or any cardio machine... my favorite part was the weigh lifting and the body pump classes. Finding these little gems on my own home workout game, that doesn't require me to pay a monthly fee or leave my house, has been wonderful and a total motivational boost.
I feel so tired when I am done with these workouts that it makes me beam with pride. THIS is what I loved about my workouts back in '06 - '07, the feeling that I've not only moved, but I mooooooooooved. I am really looking forward to getting better at the strength training and seeing my body change like I know it will.
I hope you all are having healthy, successful weeks!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Nutritionist - CHECK!
I saw the nutrionist for the first time yesterday and I was really just so nervous. There is no valid reason why I should have been nervous. I know I have been eating on time and making fairly decent choices but I just had it all in my head that she was going to be a total boetch to me and try to make me eat crap that I didnt like or didn't want to eat (like Dutch people are totally into eating sandwiches for breakfast and lunch and I get SICK of it so I throw in the occasional bowl of oatmeal now and then).
Firstly, I walked in and when I met her I was surprised at her age. She looked about 20, which is fine, but when I think "nutritionist" I think older, grey haired woman for some reason. She was really bright and cheery, so that put me at ease a little. I was thinking more along the lines of school marm and got school girl instead!
Then we started going over my food log that I had emailed her earlier in the week, so she could look it over before our appointment (and make big red checkmarks on all of the things I've been doing "wrong", said my head). I was so surprised when she was so positive with all of the changes I have been making! There was no red pen, no frowny faces, none of that, just some really constructive Q&A's and useful feedback. Her only "concern" is that I am drinking too much diet coke, and I assumed this already, so I am going to try to cut down to one can a day. Currently I am drinking 1-2 cans at lunchtime and then at home (hide your eyes for those who are weak at heart) I probably drink 3 - 8oz glasses in the evening. So cutting it down to one can a day is going to be a challenge but when I started this whole thing I said I would do as they ask and at least give it a shot, so that's what I am doing. I used to drink only water all day long when I was in the US so once I get past the initial shock of it all, I think I'll be alright.
I shared with her that I had been experiencing frequent heartburn and she told me that the increase in water that I made was probably a little overboard (I was drinking 4 - 8oz glasses between 9AM and lunch and then more after lunch) which was what was causing my heartburn. I should still drink water, just not in mass quantities. Noted.
She answered the couple of questions about portion sizes and meal sizes that I had and was just really positive about everything I've been doing. I was so relieved! I left feeling so great about this entire experience with Novarum (minus the bit of a rough start)!
I am going to see her again in a month just to touch base with how it's going on the "less soda" front and answer any more questions I may have. Whew! That's one more thing I can check off of my list of "scary things that I don't want to do but know I have to". Nutritionist - CHECK!
Firstly, I walked in and when I met her I was surprised at her age. She looked about 20, which is fine, but when I think "nutritionist" I think older, grey haired woman for some reason. She was really bright and cheery, so that put me at ease a little. I was thinking more along the lines of school marm and got school girl instead!
Then we started going over my food log that I had emailed her earlier in the week, so she could look it over before our appointment (and make big red checkmarks on all of the things I've been doing "wrong", said my head). I was so surprised when she was so positive with all of the changes I have been making! There was no red pen, no frowny faces, none of that, just some really constructive Q&A's and useful feedback. Her only "concern" is that I am drinking too much diet coke, and I assumed this already, so I am going to try to cut down to one can a day. Currently I am drinking 1-2 cans at lunchtime and then at home (hide your eyes for those who are weak at heart) I probably drink 3 - 8oz glasses in the evening. So cutting it down to one can a day is going to be a challenge but when I started this whole thing I said I would do as they ask and at least give it a shot, so that's what I am doing. I used to drink only water all day long when I was in the US so once I get past the initial shock of it all, I think I'll be alright.
I shared with her that I had been experiencing frequent heartburn and she told me that the increase in water that I made was probably a little overboard (I was drinking 4 - 8oz glasses between 9AM and lunch and then more after lunch) which was what was causing my heartburn. I should still drink water, just not in mass quantities. Noted.
She answered the couple of questions about portion sizes and meal sizes that I had and was just really positive about everything I've been doing. I was so relieved! I left feeling so great about this entire experience with Novarum (minus the bit of a rough start)!
I am going to see her again in a month just to touch base with how it's going on the "less soda" front and answer any more questions I may have. Whew! That's one more thing I can check off of my list of "scary things that I don't want to do but know I have to". Nutritionist - CHECK!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Pants on the Ground
This post over on Fat Girl Dives In, besides being hilarious, also reminded me what I forgot to share with you all. Over the past two weeks my pants (24 avergae Lane Bryant) are literally falling off of me. I don't own a belt (when you have a booty like mine, you don't need belts, usually) and I am hiking my jeans up every other step when I'm walking around. I don't have the budget or time to do any clothes shopping right now (keep in mind, plus size clothing in the Netherlands SUCK and finding a nice looking pair of pants is nearly impossible) so I have just kind of been hoping that nobody has noticed. A couple of my shirts are also going in the donation pile.
After several "you have poopy butt" comments over the last month or so Marco finally gave me the final push by stating "I am going to take those jeans and your other pair and burn them, so you better buy some new ones soon". My colleague also gently asked me last week "Sarah, can I just climb in your pants with you?"
Okay people, I get it. I need new pants. I just hate spending money on transition clothes but I know it's a must and it's part of the process so next week a shopping I will go. No need to burn anything. I can think of worse reasons to need to shop!
After several "you have poopy butt" comments over the last month or so Marco finally gave me the final push by stating "I am going to take those jeans and your other pair and burn them, so you better buy some new ones soon". My colleague also gently asked me last week "Sarah, can I just climb in your pants with you?"
Okay people, I get it. I need new pants. I just hate spending money on transition clothes but I know it's a must and it's part of the process so next week a shopping I will go. No need to burn anything. I can think of worse reasons to need to shop!
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