Well I did it. I had my first appointment

I had my first appointment at the disorderly eating center to get my head (and body) shrunk and it was a really great first experience for me. I wasn't nervous because, well I just don't get nervous for things like that. The woman was nice and asked the questions that you expect to be asked at an intake appointment, like your height, your weight, why you're there, what you feel you need help with, how badly your parents screwed you up (Mom and Dad I gave you a fine report!), how horrible your childhood was or wasn't and what you've done in the past and are currently doing, your work, your home life.

When I told her how much I weighed she asked me if I would mind getting on the scale to prove it. Apparently most of the people they see are grossly over or under estimating their weight (by at least 20 pounds, 10 kilos). I was spot on with my numbers, minus the clothing alotment (I'm at 130 kilo right now, a very ugly number, 285 pounds) and she really looked surprised. I asked her "what's wrong?" and she told me that above quoted stat that people over or under estimate their weight usually and added "and I didn't think you looked like you weighed that much". Yeah, I love this lady!

So then when I was telling her about my weight loss sucess back in 06-07 (yeah, it's been THAT long) she asked how I did it and I told her Dr. Phil's The Ultimate Weight Solutions (aka the weightloss bible) and she was really pretty happy with that. She told me that was a great book and that the practices that they use there are similar, if not the same, as in his book. She then asked the dreaded question "well if you had success with that in the past, then why don't you just do it again" (put more elequently of course) and it was a really hard question to answer. I don't know why I haven't gone back to the bible. I love Dr. 'P's advice and when I did apply it and keep it fresh in my memory I really had great success with it but even at those times I never felt like those demons-who-are-my-own-destructive-voices-making-me-sound-psycho-ish were ever gone, they were just quieted. And, I hate to say it, but since having Sadie those aforementioned demons seemed to have gained strength in their voices and are louder than ever. I just don't think I have the strength or tools to do this alone. I think I need a bit more help than what I can give myself via the weightloss-bible.

She asked if I thought I would benifit more from individual therapy or group therapy (which is what they usually recommend) and I chose individual because of the language (it would have been in Dutch) and I really want to get the most out of this experience.

So now she's going to talk with "the group" about our session and her findings and the shrinkage will continue in another two weeks.

To be continued then!

I hope you're all having healthy and successful weeks!