Total Disconnect

Sometimes in weight loss you have a total disconnect between what you want yourself to think and feel and what you actually do think and feel, even if you know it's not the "right way" of thinking. I'll give ya a big "for instance".

For instance, tomorrow is Monday and my weigh in day for my new plan. Last week, if you remember, I gained a little, but knew that I was bloated and retaining water and that's actually a very valid, justified reason to not see the scale budge and I knew that this week would be different. Even if it isn't different I have done really, really well over the past month so it shouldn't be a big deal, right? The point of all of this is not to see the scale go down in numbers, although this is a awesome side effect, the point of all of this is to get healthy, make better habits, learn some things and just be an all around healthier, happier, less food obsessed person.

So that's what I "know".

Here is where the total disconnect comes in. I am so petrified of what I am going to see on the scale tomorrow. I know I shouldn't be and I know it shouldn't matter and I know eventually the numbers will catch up with the healthy changes that I am making but I am just leg-shaking-pee-in-my-pants nervous. Do I expect a huge "Biggest Loser" sized loss? Heck no! I expect to lose roughly 2 pounds, one being from water-retention-gone-south and the other pound from effort, so why the total disconnect between what I know and what I feel? (I don't have an answer here, but feel free to shout one out if you do)

In the end, it doesn't matter if I need to flip the scale the bird tomorrow or if I will jump for joy, I'm just going to keep going. No matter what, I'm just going to keep plugging along, losing this weight one pound at a time, so who really cares what the scale is going to say?

Well, I do!

I have all of these non-weight loss related goals that I've made, like drinking a liter more water per day, eating fish three times a week, sticking to my exercise goals (within a certain percentage)... I have all of this but in the end, to me, the number is important. It just is.

The Weight Loss Bible (Dr. Phíl's The Ultimate Weight Loss Solutions) says that you have to set solid, tangible, realistic, achievable weight loss goals and that includes weighing yourself so you know where you stand. At my DEWY appointments (I have some new readers I see, so Dewy stands for Disorderly Eating Woman YAY!) I weigh in every visit, first thing. Every Monday I am weighing myself to write it down on my board to see my progression from the previous week. So how am I supposed to change the way I feel about the numbers, when so many parts of what I am doing seems to be focused on them (again, I don't have the answer here).

I can only guess that, in time, the positive changes that I am making will take over that number oriented section of my brain that nervously nibbles its nails when weigh in time comes around. We will see. Until then... I'll dream about tomorrow's weigh-in, about the possible out comes and, regardless, keep on keepin on.

I hope you're all having healthy, successful weeks! Check back tomorrow for the "official results".