You know what?

You know what I'm tired of? I'm tired of feeling positively crummy about my weight.

Ya know what else? I'm tired of the dread that I feel when I have to choose a meal or think about food.

And guess what? I'm sick of feeling schlumpy (yes, that's a word, and if it isn't I'm sure you all know exactly what it means, regardless).

and another thing... I'm tired of feeling bogged down by the emotional baggage that comes along with all things "weight loss" related.

I'm just sick of it all. I am sick sick sick sick sick sick sick.


Sick.

So I'm changing it.

Enough is enough and this chick's had it. I'm moving forward. I guess it's a "do over" or maybe it's a continuation... whatever it is, whatever label you want to stick on it... I'm doing it... again.

I have a plan in action. It's a real, tangible, written down, visible plan, all telling, goal oriented plan and it's been launched into action (last Monday) and I'm not even going to say something like "so far so good" because that implies that this plan may not work... but really... it's almost fool proof.

It all started with a white board, you know the ones that you can write on with erasable marker and it comes off. Well my white board is actually silver but it serves the same purpose, only in a prettier fashion. So i got this white board and it's divided into weeks... 7 of them... so 49 days worth of plan at a time.

I decided how many times a week I wanted to work out and I wrote those days on the board for the entire 7 weeks. As it ends up, I will work out 28 out of the 49 days. I draw a little star on the days that I actually do exercise according to plan. At the end of the month, if I have worked out enough to make 85% of my target I have succeeded. This leaves me a little room for error, sick days, "screw it" days and "my child is teething and not sleeping and I cannot move" days (which I'm having today, although I did exercise anyway) but still keeps me under tight enough reins that I can't be a total slacker in the least. So I am setting myself up for success by not expecting me to be 100% perfect. That's seriously important, not to strive for perfection because it's unachievable in anything you do, not just weight loss. And when I say things like "in anything YOU do" I am talking about ME.

Next to my star I have another visible reminder... it's the smiley face. For every day that my eating is 90% on target I get a smiley face. And like the stars, at the end of the month if I have eating well enough to make 85% of my target for eating, I have succeeded.

If both categories are a success, I get a reward. I'll choose the reward at the end of the 49 days. It will be something splurge worthy, you know the norms, massage, shoes, handbag, class, day out with the girls... something... If only one category is a success I will get a less fancy schmancy reward, because, afterall, it's still a success and deserves to be recognized!

I also wrote down my starting weight and will weigh in every week like I have been since... well... let's not get into how long I've been at this.

This white-board-that-is-silver is in my line of vision each and every day, multiple times a day. It's a wonderful reminder without being a screaming reminder of "OMG I HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT" like I know other people have used (meaning, a horribly bad picture of them taken at the worst moment, at the worst angle, making them look like they swallowed Shamu).

I've devided my exercise into four forms, wii Just Dance 2, wii Fitness, wii, Fitness coach and Zumba. To be considered a successful workout it needs to be at least 30 minutes long.

And you know what?

I'm loving it.

and guess what else?

I'm loving feeling back in control.

and one last thing...

quitting is not an option. It never has been, it never will be. I will do this. I will. 100% do this.