Thursday, June 30, 2011

I finally weighed in and Swimming for Weight Loss

Today I had my first appointment with DEWY (my disordely eating therapist) since being back from vacation. We weighed in and the numbers, no matter how ugly, didn't really deter me from the fabulous feeling of vacation success. I weighed in at 126.6 kilo or 278 lbs. That's a 9 pound gain from where I was the day I left from vacation. What does that mean? Absolutely nothing. It doesn't mean I failed, because as I posted below, I fought off some of the worst eating related demons that had held onto me my entire life. I won this battle. I kicked vacation ass and took names. I feel fabulous about my accomplishments and how easily I have slipped back into my pre-vacation life.

I have gotten back into the "game" back into stride and am right back where I need to be, mentally, with eating. I am back in my routine of eating every 2-3 hours, two fruits a day, normal portions, plenty of water, fish 2 times a week, exercise and not being food obsessed. This is huge for me. Generally after vacations I would go into "homesick" mode for a couple weeks and then have to really persuade myself, eventually, to get back at it. Not this time. Not this life. Not this me. It is empowering, this control I seem to have mustered up.

When Dewy asked me this morning what else she could do for me, I said "I really don't know" and that felt fantastic. I seemingly have a grip on things. No, not seemingly, I do have a grip on things. My head and thoughts are so much quieter now than they were just a year(ish) ago when I really started persuing help to deal with my food issues. I can remember the torture that it was to stand in line at lunch with all of the questions running through my head, so loud, thunderous, jumbled, screaming, quietly berating me. Now I stand in line and I don't worry about food, other than my choice of lunch, I don't think food related thoughts at all. I have time for other thoughts like "man, I need new shoes to go with this outfit". Let me tell you THAT'S a lot more fun to have swimming in your head. I'll invite thoughts of shoes and shopping to paddle through my brain any old time!

I quit binging. I have quit the binge eating. I no longer binge eat. Binging and me are like oil and vinegar. Binge? Nope, not today! Done with that chapter. Signing off.

I quit hiding my food and eating, hidden in shame. I've stopped it. I will not start again. Ever.

Oh! Speaking of things swimming... I am soon to be that thing swimming! I have decided to start swimming as a form of exercise and found a pool right by my house that opens at 6:30 AM for laps! That means I will be able to ride my bike to the pool, swim, ride my bike home, shower and still make it to work by 9! How's that grab ya? I'm going to start next Monday, three times a week to begin with. I've never, ever swum laps before, so I'm going to ask for a little instruction at the pool but any advice you all can give, feel free! I can swim well, just never in a straight line, under water, with a purpose.

I have more stories to tell, more things I want to share but just not the time today. This will have to do ya!

I hope you all are having healthy, successful weeks! Thanks for stopping by!


Darcy Winters said...

Advice: Don't ride your bike on the first day you do laps. You may find that your legs feel like jelly after you do the laps! See how you do after the first time and then you might can add the bike into the mix! Trust me on this!

AGirlWorthLosing said...

You are in just a great place mentally. I am so proud of you! In fact I am a little jealous too! You are awesome Sarah! xoxo