Sunday, April 26, 2009

Just going to throw this out there...

I've been thinking about cutting out all sugar from my diet for a two week time period. I don't know why, just to see if I can, really. It's bizarro, I know, especially since I've been feeling so "pressured" lately regarding my weight loss. Of course, I apply the pressure myself so it's my own fault but I've just been tossing this idea around in my head and think I actually may attempt it.

I will admit I was inspired by my colleague, Georgia, who gave up sugars during Lent, even though she's not religious. She says she does it every once in a while just to see if she can. What made me go hmmmmmmm was when she said "well it actually makes things more simplified. When it's time to have a meal or snack I don't even feel tempted because I know "I'm not doing that right now" so it makes choosing healthier food, easier. As we all know, weight loss is such a mental game and what she said made so much sense.

I think I'll try it. Set a goal for two weeks without sugar (foods, with sugar, like ice cream, chocolate, etc but NOT including fruits, which are a natural sugar) and start it tomorrow. I'll keep you posted.

still alive

I'm still alive and kicking. I'm still in a "funk" about what I am doing with my weight loss but I'm defiantly (misspelling of definitely or maybe subconsciously...) still trying to lose weigh. How hard I'm trying is the true question.

In other news... I have posted some pictures on Sadie's blog and people at work have been commenting on my new "bangs" (fringe for you Aussies). I actually have started to be able to laugh about these bangs as I realize they look absolutely, incredibly, ridiculous. Some people have said, side eyed, "oh, did you cut your hair" or when they're talking to me I see their eyes drift to my upper upper upper forehead to where the little hairs peek out from my hairline in about an inch long strand of kindergarten bangs. I can't help but say to them "quit looking at my hair" and then they generally ask the same line of question "did you cut your hair". And I'm sure they don't mean "did somebody at a SALON do this to your head" what they really want to say is "what in the hell were you thinking when you cut your hair so short that you look like, well, a blind-in-one-eye 4 year old who got a hold of the scissors".

Thank God I have a sense of humor. You see, I didn't cut my hair at all. Nor did anybody at the salon give me these glorious kiddy bangs. After my pregnancy, when Sadie was about 4 months old my hair started falling out. I think I told you guys this. It fell out in handfuls and I was sure I'd be bald by the end of it. Well about 1.5 months of it and as quickly as it started, it stopped. Whew. Baldness averted. But now those little bastards are growing back in and I look absolutely ridiculous. I can't do anything with them and they just hang out straight across my big ole forehead screaming "look at what this clown did with the scissors!". And I'm sure it's what the people who don't have the balls enough to ask, think.

Oh yes, after I explain the situation, showing the bald patches on my temples, people say "ooooooohhhhh! I see. They don't look so bad" or "no, it's fresh, I like it" but I know the truth. I look bizarro. Thank God my hair grows quickly.

I've actually contemplated going to get REAL bangs cut to cover these little wispy bangs but the reason I didn't have bangs in the first place is because I hate them. They make me look like a kid and, although I am no longer a spring chicken, looking 12 isn't quite the look I was going for either.

What's even funnier is I have cut my own bangs before in the past, when I was working at Walgreens. I was getting ready for work and having a bad hair day (decade) and out came Mom's orange handled scissors and voila, I was immediately 12 again. Why oh why do we do such things to ourselves?

Oh well, there isn't anything I can do about it but ride out the storm, endure the "looks" and laugh at myself. I mean, look at them, who couldn't laugh?

See my little bity bangs? (and my super cute daughter?)

Another shot of the tiny row of hair (and the super cute baby in her swim suit!)

I'll be back later this week to talk more "shop" and let you know if I weigh in on Tuesday.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Against my plan...

I was planning on a hiatus from the scale for a couple week to give myself a "break" not only physically but also mentally but my curiosity got the best of me. I was expecting the worst and really was surprised. I gained 0.7 kilos or 1.5 lbs but with the way I've been feeling lately I was expecting a lot worse.

I'm not sure what my plan of action is right now. Of course, ideally, I would be eating great, full of energy, exercising regularly and looking forward to the week ahead of me. Realistically, I'm eating okay, zapped out of energy, exercise is a dirty 7 letter word and I'm just trying to get through each day.

I don't mean to be a debbie downer and I think it must sound so much worse when I'm typing it out than it actually is in real life. I just have no focus right now when it comes to weight loss which is actually the time when I need to be most aware of what I am doing with my health and body. It only takes a few slippery steps down the path of over eating and self medicating with food and before you know it weeks have gone by and you haven't made one conscious effort to get yourself back on track. I definitely don't want to go down that path (again). I also can't pick myself up and jog down the path of weight loss righteousness either. I guess I'm in a bit of limbo, just coasting by on autopilot.

I'll keep you all posted.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everybody! Easter was never a huge holiday at our house, not like Thanksgiving or Christmas, so now that I'm away from "home" I tend to forget about this holiday altogether. I managed to get Sadie some colored eggs from the store but otherwise, it's same old same old around here. No basket, no special chocolates, no nothing. Plus, Marco's working all day today so we're not even together. We are, however, supposed to go see Jennifer and Quint (and maybe Danny) so that's fun!

I'm still unsure where I am with my weight loss. As I said in my last post, I didn't weigh myself Tuesday. I feel so overwhelmed with everything right now that I just want to jump off of the train of life at the next small town and just disappear into the background for a while. Of course with life you can't always do that, you have responsibilities, commitments, bills to pay... but that's just how I'm feeling right now, so caught up in everything. I'm not sleeping well again, my mind is constantly racing with thoughts but I hope within the next weeks or even a month I will have some peace with a few of the things that are going on that are causing me to want to rebel against myself. By that time I can share a bit more with you all and you'll understand more of what I'm talking about. Sorry to be so aloof.

I'm not letting this be an excuse to totally jump off the weight loss bandwagon, no worries there. I am just riding on the wagon letting the horses run on auto-pilot, which I guess wouldn't be auto-pilot but auto-coach-driver. Well that's what I always imagine when people are talking about the "wagon", an old John Wayne western wagon with a team of horses pulling it. So I'm just taking things day by day. Not looking ahead. Not pressuring myself. Just letting me "be".

I hope you all are having Happy Easters!

Monday, April 06, 2009

For the first time (purposely at least)

I'm not weighing in tomorrow. I am making a conscious choice to wake up and not get on the scale. This is the first time I have ever purposely not weighed myself since I began losing weight in 2006. I don't know if it's necessarily the "right" thing to do, but it's what I'm doing.

This was not a good week for me. I have been emotionally eating like crazy and just don't want to face the scale. I know what I did, I don't need the numbers to prove it. I'm just exhausted, mentally and physically and I don't want to. I even told Marco this week "I give up. I can't do it" which I know is utter bullshit because I did it before. Of course now I have a 8 month old baby who still isn't sleeping through the night (she's still up at least 2-3 times a night) which throws a wrench in my physical and mental well being and my body is still adjusting it's hormone (they say it takes a year after birth to get back into whack, which is what I guess you do since you are said to be "out of whack"). But really, right now I am feeling like I can't do this and I'm also feeling like I just don't care.

So, that's how I feel today. And yesterday. And the day before. And the day before. I just can't be bothered to care right now. I'm not sleeping well (even when the baby IS sleeping), I'm too much "in my head" and I just never have been good at getting into bed, pushing thoughts aside, relaxin and going to sleep. I'm constantly thinking.

It's a shame. I "could" be back at my pre-pregnancy weight before I get home to the US if I worked my tail off and just did what I "should" be doing until September.

Who knows... maybe I will.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Liar Liar pants on fire!

Yeah, so as I was updating my stats on the side I thought it was strange that I was 269 and earned my Zumba... it seemed like too much weight from what I remember. So I went back and checked and turns out... I am still, as of Tuesday, 0.3 kilos away from what I needed to be to get my reward. I made a mistake with the amount I needed to lose. And being the honest person I am, unfortunately, I didn't get my DVD's yet. I am, however, bound and freaking determined that this week I will be the proud owner of that damn DVD set that's haunting me. By time I get these stupid DVD's there will be the next exercise craze taking over and it'll be like I'm Sweating to the Oldies.

In the meanwhile, I bought 'My Fitness Coach' for the Wii and have been working out for 30 minutes of cardio every other day. So far I really love it.

My food intake has been good. I've slacked on putting my food into the My Fitness Pal website because my life is just freaking busy right now and my computer at home (yeah, I'm blogging from work.. on my lunch hour!) is a P.O.S. and takes forever to do anything on. I have a lot on my life "plate" right now, some of which I cannot divulge publically, not because I'm embarrassed or that it's illegal, I just can't say it out loud quite yet. It will suffice to say I am a bit stressed for free time.

So that's the it of it! I hope you all are having healthy successful weeks!