Saturday, November 21, 2009


I'm ordering it. I would have ordered it tonight if I would know my husbands secret code to the credit card but alas, I do not. But I'm getting it. I've wanted the videos for a long time now and finally I'm tired of waitin around to reward myself with the videos. I'm just stinking getting them already.

I've been having a tough week this week with my weight. It's been bothering me, emotionally, more than I've been letting on and I found myself crying in the bathroom at work on Wednesday. I finally confessed to Marco all of my recent deepest darkest thoughts, which aren't all that different than what they've been in the past, and I feel much better.

Seriously, I have the best, most understanding husband ever. As always he said I have to tell him when I feel like that and not let it just eat at me by myself. He also said that he'd been wondering if he should say something to me first about getting back on the weight loss wagon, full steam ahead, but he didn't want to risk hurting my feeling. What a sweetheart.

It probably would have hurt my feelings if he would have said something to me. I would have been mad. Then hurt. Then mad at myself because I know he is right. Then depressed that he was right and the whole nasty emotional cycle would have ensued of being a mix of pissed off, determined, defeated, energized, scared, furious, motivated... you all know all of the things that come along with this.

So I'm taking a step or two. I'm ordering the video. I'm also going to get myself a little white board calendar that sticks to the fridge so I can keep track of the days that I exercise and set some real goals.

Why does it seem like I'm just starting this whole journey when I've actually been at it since 06. Yeah that's right, I started this blog and this cycle of weight loss, weight gain back in 2006. Granted I was more on the losing side before finding out I was pregnant in Nov. 07 (dang that's been a long time ago!) and having the baby in Aug 08, but since then it's just kind of been a stagnation of sorts. Yeah there's been a loss here and a gain there but overall, I'm just not moving, literally and figuratively.

It's going to change. Sadie is starting to eat more normal foods and wanting to try everyting we're eating and I just absolutely refuse to raise a child addicted to sweet, sugary foods, like her Mommy is. I just freaking refuse to do so. I have to be her example.

So that's where I am right now, at this moment.

oh and p.s. We're celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary on Friday, me and that amazing guy I was talking about earlier. I can't believe how quickly it's gone and (without being overly cheesy) I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a wonderful, caring, loving, supportive, fun man in my life. I love your guts MJR.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Sorry I’ve been MIA for a while. My home computer is getting worked on so I haven’t had access to anything. And now of course I’m short on time so a brief update.

Work is going really well.

I got on the scale Tuesday and it was very ugly. Seriously ugly. I’m going to wait until next week to post my official weight as the monthly monster is/was here and I hope hope hope hope hope that played even a small part in what the scale said.

I’m feeling anxious, overwhelmed and all of those nasty emotional things that you feel about your weight when you’re basically at the start of things. I know I have to push through this part but it’s been difficult. I need to get back into my mindset of taking one day, one meal at a time and going from there rather than just looking at the daunting task in front of me. So today I started off with a coffee, a cup of melon and some greek yogurt with honey. Not bad. I plan on a salad for lunch and then hopefully a healthy dinner. I’m drinking water and going to cut down my soda intake (again), which is rarely difficult for me to do but for some reason I just can’t stop. So that’s today. One day. And that’s where I am right now.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

What a week!

I had a fantastic first week at my new job. Of course there was the normal overwhelming stuff, like learning everybody's names, which PA belongs to which person, learning the computer systems... but over all it went rather smoothly. I share an office space with one other woman, Francine, and she's extremely nice and helpful. My "team" is out of the office a lot so I have a ton of time on my own but I don't mind that one bit. Honestly, it was one of the most relaxing weeks I've had in a long long time when it comes to work. I just feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. That could be because I've been wanting out of my last job for over 2 years and have been seriously searching since January of this year but whatever it is, it's nice.

And a great thing about work, kind of a bonus, is lunch! They have a fantastic cafeteria that offers several different options, one being a grandioso salad bar! I had salad for lunch 4 out of the 5 days this week and the other day I had french onion soup and a slice of bread w/ clove cheese (only the Dutch!). It was delicious. Back to this salad bar... They take a big mixing bowl and throw in whatever you want. It's fresh every day and you get a mix of greens, topped with your choice of three veggies (I tend to get corn, tomato, cucumber or bell pepper mix but they have tons of other options like beet root, alfalfa, olives, and whatever else you throw into a salad) then you get your choice of either pasta, chick peas or potatoes to add to it (if you want), then you get your choice of feta, mozarrella or some other cheese that I can't think of, and then you can choose a protein like chicken, tuna, little pepperoni bits, etc. Then of course the dressing. I'm a big fan of the balsamic vinegar. (Well, you all know what a salad bar looks like but it's just unusual to see such a good one here, which is why I'm gushing. LOL) But they put it all together, mix it up and hand you this ginormous plate of yummy salad that costs you 2.50 euros! I grab a diet coke and my whole lunch costs me 3.10. YAY! So if I make the right selections I can be well on my way to eating a fantastically health lunch every day and I'm definately getting in all my veggies now, which was a concern of mine prior.

So there you go. My first week was wonderful and if I keep up at this pace my weight loss life will fall right into place too. Now I just need to fit in some exercise and I'll be all set. I don't dare say it but Sadie's been sleeping a wee bit better (still not all the way through the night though!) and if she keeps up like this I'll be rested enough to be able to stay up last 9 o'clock in the evenings, therefore having time to fit in a workout! Won't that be the shit? Coming from somebody who hasn't had a solid, uninterupted nights sleep in over 15 months, yeah, it's gonna be the shit.