Thursday, November 29, 2007

We're back from Brugge

We're back and we're better than ever! Well, we're actually back and pretty much the same as we were before we went but alas, we're back. Our trip was so much fun. It was relaxing. It was exactly what we needed.

Click the link to see the pictures we took while we were there. Unfortunately shutterfly ate most of my commentary so I'll repeat it here!

The first twelve or so pictures are from the awesome Snow & Ice Sculpture Festival. It was AMAZING. It was probably one of the coolest things I've seen in my lifetime. If any of the readers that are in Europe can get to Brugge I highly recommend it. I think it will continue on until January and I really just can't say enough great things about it. It was probably the highlight of my trip. Unfortunately we ran out of batteries halfway through the exhibit so didn't get to take pics of everything (stop rolling your eyes, it's not like we meant to!). You didn't get to see the gi-normous ice slide that we got to go down or the ice bar where we warmed up with some hot chocolate. It was seriously fabulous.

The next group is just different pictures of the unique buildings in the city. I think we've captured the cuteness of the city and all of the old, sweet buildings. When the city is quiet at night I swear that I'm on a movie set, not in a real city. It's something that you just have to experience to really fully appreciate I think.

They are all ready to celebrate Christmas in Brugge and have their open Christmas market up and running along with an open outdoor ice skating rink. Neither Marco or I can ice skate so we didn't make fools of ourselves but everybody else seemed to be having a ball. We saw a great fire/juggling/comedy act in the streets one evening but only got one really good picture of one of the fire guys.

Pay close attention to the lone Christmas Tree picture. If you look hard you can see there is snow falling from it! The tree sits in an umbrella that has a vacuum that sucks the little "snow" balls shooting it out of the top of the tree again so there is a constant snowfall.

Then you have more pictures of the city, buildings, neat trees and canals. Finally we finish up with some pictures of me at the Diamond Museum (the nutcracker looking guy is a robotic diamond making machine, the only working on in the world according to the museum) and the Chocolate Museum (complete with shot of chocolate boobs).

The last picture is us celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary with a nice quiet dinner in a cozy restaurant. The dinner was perfect up until the waiter spilled my hot chocolate all over my leg. Of course he apologised profusely but oddly enough he didn't take anything off of the bill to make up for it! Yes, we even paid for the spilled drink! Now I was expecting a free meal but when you spill a drink on somebody (a CHOCOLATE drink that could stain, at that) don't you usually offer to not make them pay for at least THAT drink? It was odd but what can you do. It was a great meal and we had a wonderful time so it was worth the chocolate leg.

We did enjoy some Belgian chocolate but not until yesterday. I'm fairly certain that in the small window of time I had to eat the chocolate yesterday I've eaten my share for the year! We bought some beautiful lace/flower doily type things which, unbeknowst to me, Belgium is also famous for. Overall it was just a wonderful trip, we had a fabulous time and we highly recommend that you see Brugge if you're ever in the neighborhood!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Look out we come!

Monday, the 27th of November is our 3rd wedding anniversary so I thought I'd surprise my husband with a little surprise getaway. I've been looking into trips and such for months now and decided that Brugge, Belgium was the place for us. I arranged all of this days off with his work and Monday we're off for a four day fabulous getaway! It's our first vacation that doesn't involve a 10 to 14 hour trek across the ocean and state of Illinois and a 3 week frenzy of running around trying to spend as much time as possible with everybody and I am soooooo looking forward to it. (I'm originally from Gillespie/Benld/Highland/Springfield/Edwardsville areas for the reader who asked)

A few months ago I was playing the "where have you always wanted to go but never been" game to get some ideas as to where Marco has and hasn't been and where he'd like to go and Brugge was high on his list. After checking it out online and discovering they have a chocolate museum I was sold. HAHA No but really, the city is supposed to be absolutely beautiful and this is a great time of year to go. It's also helpful that it's only a 2.5 hour car ride away!

While there we're going to be staying at a cute little B&B Karel de Stoute, visiting places like the amazing Snow and Ice Sculpture Festival, the aforementioned chocolate museum as well as Brugge's Christmas Market! I think Marco's a little excited to enjoy a few Belgian beers while we're in the neighborhood. When I planned the trip I didn't know I would be pregnant and was expecting to try some of their cherry beer (and other fruit flavors) I'd heard about but alas it's not going to happen this trip and I am just fine with that!

So that's what going on in my life this next week. I will be taking TONS of pictures and will be sure to share when we return.

Until then...have a very happy and healthy week everybody!

P.S. In case anybody was wondering, we (obviously) don't celebrate Thanksgiving here, as it's an American holiday, so I didn't stuff myself silly last Thursday. As a matter of fact I had a Thai curry chicken and rice dish that was nothing remotely close to the delectables my momma makes. It bubbles in the microwave for a mere 6 minutes where the turkey roasts for hours and hours and yummy hours. I do miss the holiday, spending time with my family, cooking with my mom, seeing everybody together, pumpkin pie, stuffing, sweet potatoes... but I sure don't miss the calories!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

My name is Sarah and I'm hear to say...

My name is Sarah and I'm hear to say...
Weighing in with my .02 is here to stay!

Cheesy enough for ya? Did you expect anything less from me? So... I've decided to just keep on blogging through my pregnancy with this blog and stay as "on task" as I my body will allow me to. So far it's going well. I've been hit by the "exhaustion bus" (no, not the short bus that you guys rode growing up Keith and Josh) but otherwise I'm feeling really great. I've been resting when I can and taking it kind of easy since getting the news.

I wasn't quite sure what to do on Tuesday morning with my weigh in. I know I'm carrying some water around with me because my pants feel a little tight in my lower belly region and I've read that many women experience bloat in the first few weeks. I did get on the scale and it read 105. 3 which is less than a kilo more than the week before. Not bad for bloated. I think I'll continue my weekly weigh-ins just to keep myself in check. Like my so so smart cousin (and also a successful weight loser) Lissa said in her comments, being pregnant doesn't mean you sit on the couch and ring a bell all day.

I'll admit my appetite is a bit off right now. Breakfast doesn't appeal to me in the least but I force something in my tummy, usually fruit, along with my vitamin just so I have something in there. I usually have a snack bar around 10:30 and that holds me over until lunch time, 12:15. Lunch is about 1-2 portions of veggies and a cheese sandwich. I've been having a snack or two in the afternoon (snack being a piece of fruit or another snack bar) at about 2:30 and then again around 4:30-ish. Suppers have been my typical meals really but I don't seem to need as much to get that full feeling in my belly. It's kind of odd but in a good way. So like many of your brilliant ladies said, I'm eating less but more often. It's working.

I've been doing a lot of relaxing in the evenings which could easily be the death of me. My lack of exercise routine has been haunting me for months now. I used to be a gym-3-times-a-week girl but since having to stop our membership I've been horrible about putting exercise back on my priority list. I'm still holding out for Dance Dance Revolution to end up under my Christmas tree this year as I really think I'll like that but until then I'm going to have to up my free dancing and maybe start walking or something else and make exercise my priority again. Why do I always dread doing it but once I do it I feel so much better?

OK, so there you have it. You can now step back from the ledge... I'll keep blogging. LOL

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Firstly, thank you all for the super sweet comments you all left on my "announcement" post. I really appreciate each and every one of them (with the exception of the smartass comment left by my incredibly un-funny friends Keith and Josh... jerkfaces).

Well I really just don't know what to say. I'm not sure if it's quite sunk in all the way yet. Friday I went to work and carried on like normal. I mean, I guess it is just normal, but it just seems like I should be un-normal or something.

Other than the line on the "magical wonder that is urine on a stick" (they don't sell THOSE at the state fair!), another pregnancy test that said I was pregnant and some sore boobs I really don't have any "proof" that I'm gonna be a mom. Our little pumpkin (which is the sickening sweet way I choose to refer to the baby since it was conceived on Halloween) is only the size of a sesame seed right now so it's all a bit abstract. It's just so surreal.

I will admit that I have been alarmingly tired at inopportune times... like at 10 in the morning when I should be running around in the house getting things done and then again at 2 in the afternoon when I should have been shopping and playing with the dog. I've taken the advise given and rested when my body is telling me to rest but I just feel like I'm cheating or something. It's not like I have this gigantor belly that I'm hauling around which is wearing me out (although I did that for the last 30 years and never needed a nap. haha) so why the sudden need for nappy time in the afternoon? Well, I looked it up. Apparently the size of pumpkin has nothing to do with why I'm feeling so run down. It's because my body is creating a hormone "progesterone" that makes you feel tired. I don't know if this is the same hormone that, somewhere down the line, will also make me weep at the knowledge that the make-up counter is no longer carrying my shade of lipstick but for now it is doing it's duty as a nap inducing super hormone.

I'm a bit torn as to what to do with my blog at this point. I've toyed with the thought of starting a new blog that will be all about my pregnancy because, really, who wants to find a "weight loss" blog and then only read about some hormonal woman who sleeps a lot? After the birth of baby .02 (which is another cutsie name I thought up... we also call it "baby double A" since our last name starts with AA but then that's a bit alcolic-ish isn't it? Or Energizer-ish? WARNING: Be ready for a plethora of cute names even if you don't think they're cute.) I will be back on the weight loss wagon and could continue this blog. But then again I want to maintain my healthy lifestyle that I've been striving for over the past year and a half throughout my pregnancy, so that is health related if not weight loss related, no?

If you have any opinions or preferences please feel free to let me know (with the exception of aforementioned smartass friends Keith and Josh... your opinions are not needed although I am just certain they'll be shared cleverly under the title of "anonymous").

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Ik ben zwanger!!! (Dutch for...)

Translated: I AM PREGNANT!!!!!

We found out this morning that our first round of inseminations worked and I am now 4 weeks and 4 days along! We are absolutely ELATED. Just thrilled. So happy. Over the moon. Doing cartwheels! Overjoyed. Flabbergasted! There's not even a word to describe how freaking McHappy we are! Baby .02 will be arriving sometime around July 24th 2008!

I woke up bright and early with a nice full bladder this morning and took a "line" test where if two lines show up you're pregnant if only one line shows you're not. Well that line was there. It was weak as hell but it was there. I needed further convincing before doing my happy dance though. Marco had bought a digital test (actually a three pack) the night before because I just knew I wouldn't believe just one test.

I dipped it in my collected specimen (I've gotten VERY good at aiming... I don't even get my hand anymore!) and laid it on the counter covering it with paper so I couldn't sneak a peak. I came in and set the timer for three minutes. When those 3 years... oh wait... minutes... were up Marco and I met at the bathroom door, held hands and prepared for whatever it was we were about to see. On the count of three we lifted the paper.




LIFT! Oh my GOD! It says "zwanger (pregnant)". Not "niet zwanger (not pregnant)" but ZWANGER!!!!! I reacted a bit differently than I expected. I'm a bit of a weeper and expected the tears to automatically start flowing but instead I started jumping up and down screaming "YAY! YAY! YAY!" in a pitch that I'm pretty sure only bats and werewolves can hear. As I jumped I also hugged Marco and continued to yell "can you believe it? can you believe it?". He was too busy grinning from ear to ear to really answer. It was the most exciting moment we've had in a very very long time. The screeching of yay continued for a while longer before the tears came but of course eventually they came.

I've spent the rest of the day planning cutsie ways of telling our parents. I had a little lamb candle and pink and blue balloons sent to my mom at work and called her right after to talk to her. We bawled. I told you... we're weepers in my family. She is in charge of telling my dad, who will also be thrilled for us.

We bought Marco's parent a build-a-bear gift card and attached it to pink and blue helium balloons and took it over when we had dinner with them tonight. The card said something along the lines of "here is a gift card to make me a stuffed animal to snuggle with when I arrive in July 2008" or something like that. His mom just kept saying "echt? echt? echt?" (really, really, really). She even jumped up and down a little even though she has bad legs which was totally cute. It was a wonderful moment to share with them. I am so glad we got to tell at least one set of parents face to face.

Since telling our parents we've shared the news with all of our friends and family and now I'm sharing it with you all as well. You all have been so sweet and supportive every time I have posted about our fertility problems and I really appreciate it more than you will ever truly understand.

I'm feeling absolutely perfect right now. No "symptoms" to speak of with the exception of some sore breasts that seem to be the slightest big larger already. WOOHOO! I always wanted big boobs! I hope to continue this "feel great" path on through the rest of the time but won't be surprised if it's not all smooth sailing. I'm ready for it. Dare I say "bring it on?" Nah.. I won't tempt the pregnancy gods.

So what happens to my blog now? I'm obviously not going to try to lose weight anymore by "dieting" but I am going to try to lead the healthiest lifestyle possible to ensure I don't gain unnecessary weight. Actually all along I haven't really been "dieting" I've just been eating healthier. Pregnancy isn't a reason to get lazy or slip back into my old habits of comfort food, elation eating, boredom eating etc. A pregnant woman only needs an extra 500 calories per day so there's really no "eating for two". I'm willing to take any suggestions that you ladies (and men) who have been through this have for me. I'm going to try mostly to just roll with the punches and do what I can when I can.

So that's that! I'm going to be a mommy! Marco's going to be a daddy! We're going to be parents!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

(And before anybody warns me that it's a bit early to be blurting it out on my blog please first know... We have been through infertility hell for the past 2.5 year (36 cycles). We have had disappointment after disappointment after disappointment. We have had scare after scare after scare. I want this one moment to be worry free and to be absolutely elated... so please... I know the risks...I know what "could" happen... I think everybody does... I just ask that you please don't make it your duty to warn me (or any pg woman for that matter) that I may miscarry. I just want to be happy for a while. And I think I deserve it. Should something go wrong I would need your support more than ever so it's all the better I share this news. My life has been an open book to my readers and I don't want that to stop here. Thank you so much for understanding.*stepping off of soap box*)

Sunday, November 11, 2007


Every once in a while on this journey to a 'new and healthy me' I have to reflect a little. I think back to where I started...301 pounds... I think about my hilarious attempt to do step "firsts"... my aches and God... it's been a roller coaster, hasn't it?

Yesterday I was reflecting over something a little different though. It was a reflection of a more literal sense. I saw my reflection in a full length mirror and once again I didn't recognize myself. Unlike my "rock bottom" picture, the woman staring back at me didn't send me home to Marco to cry myself to sleep. It was a little shocking but not the 'sticking your finger in a light socket' type of shock. It was more subtle... more of a "put a piece of gum wrapper on the electric fence to see if it's a conductor" type of shock (yes, I've done that and yes gum wrappers will get you shocked) I saw myself in a mirror and I saw a women who looked pretty normal. I saw somebody who blended in with the other people in the store. I liked what I was seeing so well that I spent another fifteen minutes looking in different mirrors. Side view and turn...front view...and turn. I even did that weird little side-turn-look-over-your-shoulder-thingy that we women do to try to get a good look at our own asses. Wow. I looked pretty alright. Not perfect but then again I was never striving for perfection.

Now many of you are probably saying to yourself "well duh, we've seen pictures of you... of course you look normal" so please allow me to explain.

When you've been "livin large" all your life as I have been, you tend to look at yourself as you've always been... in my case I've always been super sized. So even though I see pictures of myself, even though people say they see a difference in me, even though I go down in pounds on the scale and down in numbers in my clothing sizes... even though all of that proof that I no longer am the woman I used to be is staring me in the face...I still saw myself as that 301 pound woman... until yesterday.

I wasn't wearing anything special. Jeans, t-shirt and my new coat. I checked and they weren't having a sale on 'special effects' mirrors. I wasn't in a fun house but I sure was having fun! I finally see the person that I really am and I'm pretty okay with her. These next 30 pounds are going to do me a world of good and I think once 200 pounds is staring up at me when I step on the scale I'm going to feel pretty darned good. Heck, I already do.

Here's a picture we took today while out. Again, I'm not wearing anything special. There hasn't been any touch ups (the pale-as-a-bare-ass-skin-tone and the badly parted-frizz-hair makes that statement obviously obvious). It was actually taken as a joke in anticipation of the up coming Starbucks that will reside in the airport. But even in the picture now I see myself as I really am. I look pretty "normal". I always felt like I looked a bit giagantic before being tall and big. But now I don't think I look like I should be dating Hargrid or have a "wide load" sticker plastered on my ass. I look overweight but I don't look OH MY GOD OVERWEIGHT anymore (at least to me). I don't look like I did at 301 pounds. I'm really glad that my mind has finally caught up with my body.

As you wish...

At Amy's request I'll do a little Holland vs. US post. Before posting this though I must say that I don't buy into stereotypes much. Some of the things I will list will be "stereotyical" Dutch or American and obviously doesn't account for each and every person in the two cultures. For every one American who has a big mouth and makes an ass out of themselves when they're abroad (this is a stereotype of Americans if you didn't know) I know another American who is open minded and willing to live a culturally diverse life. For every Dutch person who is "straightforward" (which is a stereotype of Dutch people, they're a bit... well... they can be uncomfortably honest) I know one who is kind and considerate of your feelings. So keep that in mind when you're reading this.

Let's see... if I would have written this post when I first moved to Holland it would have went something like this:

1) I hate it here
2) the weather sucks
3) The language is impossible
4) I hate it here.
5) the US is the greatest
6)I miss my family
7) I miss American food
8) I hate it here
9) I hate it here

So yeah I had a bit of culture shock mixed with a bit of homesickness when I was fresh off the boat. Now I've been here for a little over 3 years and I definitely feel quite a bit different about the country. Some things will never change though such as;

1) I miss my family and friends... greatly. It never gets easier to miss birthdays, holidays, special occasions or just every day occurrences. It's hard to be away when there is illness, births, emergencies or if I just need a hug from my mom. Thank God for the internet and telephone but some things just are not the same. I get home for about 3 weeks at a time about once a year which isn't nearly enough. I could go for months at a time and it would never be enough. Unless you have ever lived away from your family I don't think you can really understand how much you can miss them. I have yet to find a group of people that I "click" with like my friends back home. I don't put much effort into finding new friends though so part of that is my fault.

2) FOOD: I miss American food... but I'm glad I don't have it a my disposal. It makes weight loss so much easier when fast food is not readily available. I am glad I don't have to fight American sized portions when we go out to eat. I am glad I'm in a culture that doesn't revolve around food. I'm glad there is no food channel on tv.

That said, "typical" dutch food is what the Dutch call "pure" or otherwise known as "bland". No spices or very very little spice is involved int he cooking process. A typical dutch dinner will consist of a vegetable cooked until mushy, boiled potatoes (no salt no butter and definitely no gravy) a some sort of meat, usually fried or boiled in a vat of grease. The grease is sometimes ladled over the potatoes but I pass, thanks. Dutch people tend to eat a lot of "stampot" or vegetables cooked to mush and then mashed together with potatoes. Some typical combinations of stampot are red cabbage and potatoes, cauliflower and potatoes, carrot and potatoes, envdive, onion and potato mixed. Keep in mind none of this has salt in it. Salt and pepper shakers are not on the table.

As I have said many times in my blog Dutch people eat heaps of bread for breakfast and lunch. It's nothing to see a mom pushing a stroller and her child chopping away on a mini loaf of bread as his or her meal or snack.

Holland is the land of cheese and many different kinds are readily available. They all seem to fall under 2 categories though. You have old cheese and then you have young cheese. You can have 15 varieties of "old" or "young" cheeses on the table but when asked what kind of cheese it is you'll get the same reply, it's old or young. It all had to do with the maturity of the cheese but a Dutch person knows which old cheese they like and which young one is their favorite. As a foreigner... you taste them all to figure out which tickles your taste buds. I've yet to meet a cheese I didn't like. It's all freshly cut off of the wheel and just delicious.

Heineken is not a German beer as many people think it is. It's actually Dutch and they are quite proud of it. Beer or wine is often drank with lunch (even if you're lunching will colleagues and have to go back to the office) and dinner. The Dutch have a much more laid back approach to drinkin with meals. Kids often begin drinking at the age of 14 and the legal drinking age is 16.

You almost always have coffee in the evening after supper. Nobody seems to suffer from lack of sleep from the caffeine rush. I've become accustomed to this and can now also drink coffee in the evenings without being wide awake in the evening.

The Dutch do have very good pancakes. They are the size of a pizza and very thin like a crepe. They are typically topped with things like bacon, ham, egg, mushroom or sometimes ice cream and apples. This is one thing you should try if you're every here.

Enough about food.

3) WEATHER: The weather does suck here. It rains a lot. People don't seem to mind or notice though. Kids still play outside in the rain and nobody ducks and runs for cover when it starts sprinkling. Strollers are fitted with plastic covers to keep the babies dry because life has to go on even in the rain. Men and women still ride their bikes to work in the rain.

Kids in the Netherlands have to be given vitamin D supplements because of the lack of sunshine. I lived in Illinois though so I don't miss tornado season in the slightest.

Hardly anybody has air conditioning so when it does get hot it sucks. Even in stores you can sweat like crazy. Thank goodness the hottest season only lasts a few weeks or so.

4) LANGUAGE: Listening to the Dutch language used to make my ears bleed. It really isn't a very pretty language to listen to at all. It's very throaty but if you have a cold you'll be fluent in no time. It's very difficult to learn and you need to really put effort into it to get it right. The reason being that very few Dutch people cannot speak English. In the bigger cities you don't even need to ask "do you speak English" in the stores because it's just known that they do. Many people will hear you stumbling though Dutch and automatically speak English back to you. At first I thought that was freaking awesome. YES! I can speak English... then I realized the impact it has on my learning Dutch.

It is extremely difficult to learn a language in a culture that is so used to dealing with English speaking people that they all easily switch back and forth. Oddly enough, my inlaws are some of the few Dutch people who do not speak English so I have had to learn the language in order to communicate with them. It was a blessing in disguise. Many times in stores when I speak Dutch, a Dutch person will answer me back in English but I continue in Dutch thinking they'll get it, I want to practice my Dutch but low and behold they continue in English. I don't give up though... I just keep speaking Dutch back to them and for the most part they'll just keep speaking English to me. It's bizarre.

I realize this is getting long but there is just so many differences. I'll quickly name some of my more favorite things about living here:

Pets are part of your family and treated very well. They're welcome in almost all public places, stores, the post office, buses and even including some restaurants. You will never see a dog tied to a chain sitting out in the rain. You don't have dogs being kept in cages outside never to be played with or walked properly(meaning every single day). You hardly ever see stray animals running the street. (I've never seen it) Living here has changed my whole attitude about the way animals and pets should be treated and respected.

Public transport is everywhere. In Illinois you just have to have a car. It's not necessary here.

Bikes are used as everyday transportation, not just leisure. It's nothing to see men in suits and ties peddling their way to work. You don't bat an eye when you see a woman in a skirt and heels pumping her way into the city on her bike with her friend side saddle on back. It's the fastest way to get around in the city. It's better for the environment and it's a great way to get in some exercise! There are bike "roads" all over the city though so this makes it safer to ride you bike in Holland. In the US you ride at your own risk for the most part and it's just not set up for this kind of cycling.

Multi-cultural events. In central Illinois you don't have a lot of diversity or cultural happenings. I love the diversity in Amsterdam. From Van Gogh to the theatre to the concert hall to street musicians... there is always something going on. You never have to be bored here.

College and University is affordable. You don't have to go into a life time of debt to get an education.

Social medicine has it's good an bad points. I love that I never have to worry about not having insurance. I have a ton of benefits if I am on maternity leave or already have kids (the government pays a monthly allowance for children and you don't pay for insurance for any child under 18). There are safety nets in place if you lose your job or become disabled (that don't make you live in poverty or squalor). There are no homeless here (if they sleep on the streets it is by choice not because there isn't someplace for them to go). You pay the highest taxes in all of Europe here (40% of your wages go to taxes roughly) but there are many social programs that benefit from these taxes. Of course if you never need any of these programs then you're paying taxes out your arse for nothing. Social medicine sucks when you have to be on a waiting list for medical procedures. It sucks when you have to accept "older" treatments when newer ones are available to keep costs down.

WOW this is so long! There is so much more I could say though but I'll leave it at this.

Ok so if you have anything specific you want to know just post a comment and I'm more than happy to explain or give my .02 on it.

Friday, November 09, 2007

This post is out of guilt.

I always feel guilty if I don't give you guys something to read at least once or twice a week besides my little weigh in blurbs but this week I just cannot think of anything to write about.

I thought about writing about this new spinach salad I found at the local grocery store that is absolutely delicious but how interesting is it to read about greens? (it's baby spinach, crumbled blue cheese, pear, grapes, pecans and red cabbage with a walnut dressing).

I thought about writing about my exercise routine again but how many time can one say "I've been jumping rope and free dancing like a maniac in my living room". (the more I jump rope the less painful it becomes for my abs, thank God).

My food choices haven't changed. I still do well one day, falter a little the next. Nothing ground breaking there. No major meltdowns but nothing to brag about either.

The truth of the matter is my mind has temporarily checked out of my head and is now residing somewhere in a cabbage patch far far away but will hopefully be back shortly. I've been spending the evenings in warm baths reading books and exfoliating. I've been filling my moments in between thoughts about babies with... well more thoughts about babies. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but even just a little hope is like throwing your mind and emotions into a blender and hitting the "pulse" button. Waiting for 2 weeks for some results is just cruel.

So there you go... that's what I've been up to this week. I hope you're all having healthy weeks and please hang on with me for just a little bit longer... I'll snap back... I promise.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Not bad...not bad

That's how I felt when I stepped on the scale this morning... not bad... not bad at all. I did gain this week but it was less than a pound (0.8 pounds or 0.4 kilos) which is WAY better than things were going go, at least in my head. I did manage to clean up my act over the weekend and yesterday and did exercise three times this week so who knows, maybe that made all of the difference I needed.

So as of today I am 71.06 lbs (32.3 kilos) in the negative. I can live with that for the time being.

I hope you all have a wonderful and healthy week. I'll check in a little later as my mind clears and I think of something witty or worthy or not ovulation related!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

** Danger** Danger** Please take cover***

I am declaring this week a weight loss disaster area. The siren and whistles are a blowin. My mind is elsewhere (mostly in my uterus, I'll explain later) and food, healthy eating, exercise and discipline are last on my list of things to think about. Once again I feel like I'm having an out of body experience where I'm just going through the motions of the day and watching myself from the outside.

And to some this may be a big fat excuse and to those who think it, is I'm flipping you the bird right now. As I mentioned a few posts ago, we've had some positive news regarding our fertility treatments. Well this week was our first round of inseminations. After 2.5 years of trying to have a baby this is the very first time we really have a chance to become parents. Without boring you with my entire history and a lesson in "how to make a baby" I'll just say that Halloween was a very fertile time for me and we hope to be growing our own little pumpkin soon.

Wednesday was the first insemination and although I know I'm supposed to relax (a little story on relaxing below) I was wound up like a freaking clock on coke. I left work at lunch and didn't end up going back. We had our second insemination the following day so of course Wednesday night I didn't sleep, at all. I was up until 3 am and when I finally did go to bed I didn't really sleep. I called my boss at 7am to let her know that I wasn't going to make it into work that day due to having a case of the crazies and she was really very understanding.

Both appointments went well and my mind has done nothing but race ever since. Food is pullin up the rear in the mind race. We don't want to get our hopes up too high because the success rate with IVI is very low (below 10% each time you try) but you know I'm just a simple human and can't help but have a little hope. We've waited long enough and have been through enough... it's our turn. I'm trying to relax and take it easy as much as possible and keep my mind occupied on other things but as I'm sure you can imagine it's a tough task. Let me tell you a little story about relaxing. Just imagine...

You're sitting on the couch eating your TV dinner and the state lottery comes on. You race to the fridge to pick up your tickets to see if you've won. The numbers start rolling out. There's only 6 to match so your odds are good right?

Here comes the first ball...

You have 17! Wow that's kind of neat!

WHOA! You have 23. Little hairs on your neck stand on edge. 2 in a row… you’re doing well.

5 is your lucky number... you have it! Your palms sweat.

Oh. My. God.... it's on there!

No.freaking.way. You know you have 3 because 3 is the number of children you wanted to have before you started having to jab yourselves with needles pumping yourself full of hormones and before your husband suddenly was more turned on by a plastic collection cup that you. This is amazing!

You only have to match one more number! Those balls are flying around that little popcorn machine like mad. You're about to win 80 million dollars and pay for IVF for all of your friends whose insurance companies don't think that fertility medications should be covered!

One more match is all that stands between you and a lifetime dream of happiness. You can finally pay off your mortgage and get that new car you've been needing. You can pay off your parents bills and send them on a vacation that they've never ever had. You can start the college funds for your kids. You can tell your a-hole boss to stick it! This is amazing!

It's time...the ball pops up and starts its quick descent to the little tube at the end... this is it! You're big moment! Your heart is pounding in your chest. Your fate is a mere seconds away... the moment that can change the course of your life is almost here! Roll little guy roll! But before you can see if that little white ball is your lucky number 32... the last matching number on your lottery ticket... the electricity in your house goes out. You’re sitting in pitch black darkness.

Now YOU relax!!!!!!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Pardon my lack of blogging this week

It's been nutso around here this week in ways I can't even begin to explain here. I've had a crap food week too so NOT looking forward to Tuesday's weigh in, although I can run some "damage control" this weekend for sure. Ugh, and after such a great weigh in last week! Poo.

My friend Alexandra made homemade cookies and brought them in to work on Wednesday. Coconut macaroons, chocolate chocolate chip cookies and orange cookies OH MY! I didn't resist either. I was like a cookie monster. Yum Yum Yum gobble gobble gobble. I had a total of 6 cookies throughout the day which isn't going to kill me but it sure doesn't help the cause either.

I have a new colleague who seems to have it out for my waistline. He seems to be working as a food trigger for me. He is a bottomless pit and is always hungry. He is also not over weight, of course, bastard! (just kidding, he's really nice). He is constantly announcing his hunger to all of us in the office (it's small and open area so you hear everything). So every time he opens his mouth to say "I'm starving!" or "is it lunch time yet" my stomach starts thinking "yeah, I'm starving too" or "FEED ME" when usually I have no problem whatsoever waiting until lunch to eat. Afternoons with Mr. Metabolism are just wicked. One hour after lunch the hunger announcements begin. This is becoming a real problem for me, talking about food all day long. I don't really know how to handle this situation. It's not like I can sit him down and say "hey colleague, due to a lifetime of horrible eating habits I am unable to function like a normal human being. When you talk about food all the time I want to binge eat. I would like you to shut your pie hole so I can also shut mine!" I wonder how HR would view that conversation? Any suggestions guys?

I'm off to exercise this weeks cookie and chocolate intake off. Hope you all have a healthy weekend!