Zumba

I'm ordering it. I would have ordered it tonight if I would know my husbands secret code to the credit card but alas, I do not. But I'm getting it. I've wanted the videos for a long time now and finally I'm tired of waitin around to reward myself with the videos. I'm just stinking getting them already.

I've been having a tough week this week with my weight. It's been bothering me, emotionally, more than I've been letting on and I found myself crying in the bathroom at work on Wednesday. I finally confessed to Marco all of my recent deepest darkest thoughts, which aren't all that different than what they've been in the past, and I feel much better.

Seriously, I have the best, most understanding husband ever. As always he said I have to tell him when I feel like that and not let it just eat at me by myself. He also said that he'd been wondering if he should say something to me first about getting back on the weight loss wagon, full steam ahead, but he didn't want to risk hurting my feeling. What a sweetheart.

It probably would have hurt my feelings if he would have said something to me. I would have been mad. Then hurt. Then mad at myself because I know he is right. Then depressed that he was right and the whole nasty emotional cycle would have ensued of being a mix of pissed off, determined, defeated, energized, scared, furious, motivated... you all know all of the things that come along with this.

So I'm taking a step or two. I'm ordering the video. I'm also going to get myself a little white board calendar that sticks to the fridge so I can keep track of the days that I exercise and set some real goals.

Why does it seem like I'm just starting this whole journey when I've actually been at it since 06. Yeah that's right, I started this blog and this cycle of weight loss, weight gain back in 2006. Granted I was more on the losing side before finding out I was pregnant in Nov. 07 (dang that's been a long time ago!) and having the baby in Aug 08, but since then it's just kind of been a stagnation of sorts. Yeah there's been a loss here and a gain there but overall, I'm just not moving, literally and figuratively.

It's going to change. Sadie is starting to eat more normal foods and wanting to try everyting we're eating and I just absolutely refuse to raise a child addicted to sweet, sugary foods, like her Mommy is. I just freaking refuse to do so. I have to be her example.

So that's where I am right now, at this moment.

oh and p.s. We're celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary on Friday, me and that amazing guy I was talking about earlier. I can't believe how quickly it's gone and (without being overly cheesy) I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a wonderful, caring, loving, supportive, fun man in my life. I love your guts MJR.