Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Canceled my appointment

I had to cancel my appointment with my new councilor due to unforseen circumstances at my home, mainly a turn of events such as needing to take off work early all next week, Marco almost ripping off his entire toe nail, Sadie having a horrible head cold and my in-laws being on vacation, all things together means I cannot possibly make an 8:30 appointment.

I called and canceled it and didn't schedule a new one. Not because I am not going to go, but because in a few weeks time we're going to be on vacation in the USA and I think it's best just to start fresh after then.

I've, once again, been tossing around the idea of looking into having lap band surgery. I am going to talk to a friend of mine in the US who had it done a couple of years ago as I have some questions and I know her surgery didn't go off without a hitch. I don't want only to hear good things, I want to know the entire truth, as it can happen.

I know many people have many opinions on this type of surgery so feel free to voice them or if you want to share your exerience with me I'm all ears. 

I have always pushed off the thought of surgery, justifying with "if I can eat so little AFTER the surgery, then surely I can do it beforehand with the same results" but I am actually feeling that maybe I need the actual physical inability to eat in bulk in order to make myself not do it.

I thought of it this way... I can't write left handed. I mean, sure I can hold a pen in that hand and write, but it's extremely difficult and sloppy. I'm just a right handed girl. Now, should my right hand be cut off, you bet your ass I'd be able to learn to write with my left hand and woudl learnt o eventually lead a more normal life. Along those same lines, I can eat right/less/better but I obviously have issues with doing it well. Cut off my ability to do so and I am all but forced into doing it.

I have a severe doubt in my abaility to lose weight and keep it off. Severe and justified doubts. Then I see my friend, who had the surgery probably 7 years ago, who hadn't wasted the last 7 years fighting, struggling, arguing, depressed, anxious, battling against her weight. Yeah, sure, she's had her own battles and her life hasn't been perfect, I'm sure, but she overcame this one huge hurdle. I want that peace.

1 comment:

Ali said...

I have never had either surgery. I kind of feel the same way you used to feel - I think I should be able to do it by myself. But I also KNOW that I have an eating disorder - I am a compulsive overeater, a food addict, an emotional eater.

One of my friends had lap band surgery and it did not work for her at all. The problem was (according to her) that you can still overeat and if you do - you throw up. So she started throwing up all the time and even years later she still couldn't figure it out. She initially lost a lot of weight but gained it all back with a bunch on top of it. She eventually had the band removed. There are also other possible complications - the band can cause an infection, your body might not accept the band. But the throwing up thing is something I have read about a lot.

That same friend had gastric bypass surgery last year. That has worked pretty well for her (if you ignore the fact that she almost died during the surgery). She lost a lot of weight, very quickly. It is still to see if she can keep it off because a lot of people who don't change their diet after surgery just gain everything back a few years later - and I know that she didn't change her diet.

And don't forget, both are very serious surgeries that will leave you scarred and hold a possibility of you dying during it. And from what I have read on blogs of people who have had the surgery - it's not easy. It sounds all easy but it's not. You will feel sick a lot of the time, a lot of people have stomach problems and digestion problems. It seems like an easy fix but it's not.

What has worked the best for me diet-wise has been the book "I can make you thin" which is all about you should listen to your body and eat whatever you want and when you want but you can only eat until you are full. It was a lot of work but it worked as long as I was doing. It stopped working when I went on holidays and had a very busy time and didn't take the time to focus on my eating anymore. But I think this is probably the best way to learn controlled eating and I'd be trying it right now if I wouldn't have gotten pregnant since.