We've arrived!

Just a quick note to let you all know we've arrived safe and sound, with all luggage, dog...the works... and everything went smooth and, really, better than we ever could have expected a trip with a 13 month old to go. We're working out the sleep issues but otherwise having a super duper time so far!

In all the excitement building up to our vacation, today is a bit bittersweet. Today would have been my Grandma's birthday had she not passed away, way too soon. I never know if she was born in 1934 or 1936 but I know it was one of those so she would have been 75 or 73 this year. Every year when the calendar rolls around to the 1st of September I'm already anticipating the sadness that the 5th will bring followed by the equally if not more sad day September 6th which is the actual day she passed away.

I always wonder what she would have thought of Marco. I know she would have loved him simply because he loved me. That's the type of person she was, always had extra room in her heart to love somebody. She always gave the underdog a chance and saw the best in people even when nobody else wanted to see it. Not that Marco is an underdog! HAHA But that's the type of person she was, always loving, always forgiving and always there to give you whatever it was you needed.

I don't wonder if she would have loved Sadie. I know she would have. I do wish my little girl wouldn't have had to miss out on knowing her though.

I guess I can look at it another way though. I'm heading home to Illinois on Monday to visit my family and friends and after a few weeks I'll come back home to Holland, but my Grandma is with me here all the time.

I love you Grandma. Happy Birthday.

I'm alive! And being the example!

Geesh! I didn't realize I didn't check in last week and now it's Wednesday already and I hadn't checked in this week. What a slacker. I guess if I had more exciting news to share I'd be sure to be here more often. Although the news wasn't too bad on the scale. I didn't lose anything last week but I didn't gain either and now this week I lost 0.3 kilo so I'm "down" to 121 even. In my head, for some reason, I want to be at 119 when we depart for Illinois. I don't know why that number is in my head but it is so it's a super duper mini goal considering I leave for the US in just a mere 3 weeks! YAY!

Last time we were home was over Christmas and that was the 1st time almost everybody had met my daughter Sadie, and this time she's such a different kid! I can't wait for everybody to see her again and even more, I can't wait to see everybody.

A friend of mine just got back from a month long hiatus in the US and gained 8 pounds while there. I just know how easy that is to do while on vacation, especially when coming from Holland and going to the US, (aka land of over sized everything, including portions of food!). I haven't decided how I am going to treat this vacation. I mean, of course my goal is not to pack on the pounds but do I want to really be super careful while I'm there? Is there a balance that I can find in the middle somewhere?

I guess it's all in how you look at food. Am I going to treat it as part of my vacation or am I going to look at it as "it's just something my body needs in order to live" while on vacation? I wish for the latter but the former has always won out in the past. I don't see this time being a huge difference to be totally honest. I can't help but be more conscious about my choices though. I would just be totally irresponsible of me not to PLUS now Sadie is also eating what we're eating so that automatically makes me think twice before ordering.

Speaking of which... I talked about a public service announcement contest that I had entered at work. Well I didn't win so now I can tell you what my idea was because to this day it still helps me when making food choices.

The task was to create a Public Service Announcement that would be 8-10 second while being read and it had to deal with a health issue. There was a list of issues to choose from and naturally I gravitated to obesity. So I wrote my campaign with "Be the example"as my mantra. This is what I came up with:

They parrot
They mime
They mirror
They follow your lead
(Over 9 million American children are overweight or obese)
It’s up to you
BE THE EXAMPLE!

Now maybe it isn't strong when read, but when shown as a PSA on TV you would see things like (or at least in my head this was what I was imaging):

a toddler with his Mom. You here the baby softly say"mama" - "They parrot"
a child stirring a bowl along side a parent mixing in another bowl, - "They mime"
a child sitting next to Daddy learning to tie his shoe like Daddy does - "They mirror"
a group of children playing follow the leader, the leader being an adult. -"They follow your lead"

"Over 9 million American children are overweight or obese" this wouldn't be spoken, it would just appear on the screen to be read.

a child giving a DVD to their parent, who is sitting on the couch watching TV - "It's up to you"
that same little family outside on bikes, or playing a sport, or swimming - "BE THE EXAMPLE"

For me, this "Be the Example" has stuck in my head. With every food choice I make in front of Sadie and even when she's not around I think "Be the Example". When I grab a snack from the table at work and I choose a banana rather than a fun size candy bar (and whose idea of fun is so damned tiny?) I walk past my colleague's office, showing off my banana and we both say "Be the Example!".

It may not have won any contests but it's done so much for me already and it can leak into all aspects of my/your life. Don't want your child to smoke? Be the example. You want your child lead a Christian life? Be the example. You want your child to treat others with respect? Be the example. You want your "team" to work together to finish the huge project? Be the example. You want the other drivers to let you in during a traffic jam? Quit flipping them the bird and BE THE EXAMPLE! (plus I totally believe in car karma, if I let one car in I will be rewarded in the same manner down the road somewhere)

It just works for me. I want Sadie to be a well adjusted, healthy little human who has positive relationships with people AND food, so what better way to show her how to do that than to be the example for her? I'm not perfect and I have a lot of work to do and a way to go but I will and am trying to be the best example I can be for her.

I hope you all are having healthy, successful weeks!

I did get on the scale yesterday and was pleasantly suprised. After baking (and eating) a practice cake for sadie's birthday and then baking (and eating) the real cake for Sadie's birthday I was expecting the numbers to shoot through the roof but I survived bake-a-thon 2009 with minimal damage. A mere .7 kilos was gained. Of course the name of the game is weight LOSS, not GAIN but it was an exceptional week and I have to allow for that.

I have just 5 weeks before I'm on vacation in the USA, visiting family and friends and celebrating my 33rd birthday. I am so very excited and looking forward to it. Now it's nose to the grind stone with the weight loss!

I hope you all are having healthy and successful weeks!

This time last year

At this time last year I was in full-blown-no-turning-back-ouch-holy$%$#%$$-that-hurts-elp-me-god labor. And they say you forget the pain. HA! She was sooooo worth it though.

Twitter

I've googled "twitter" for the first time today because I'm curious as to what all the buzz is about. I went directly to the homepage and saw where I could register. The home page boasts "Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?"

I belong(ed) to facebook and myspace. (I've recently deleted my myspace account because I just can't keep up with it all and all of my friends who were on that website were also on facebook.) I love my family and friends. I really do. I do want to know how they're doing, what they're up to... but this obsession with the internet to keep tabs on everybody, to know what everybody is thinking every second of every day "in real time" as twitter brags, it's exhausting and eats away at precious time. I log onto facebook and have to actally think of something to say that is interesting enough to enough people to actually bother to write about it. Most of the time it's just not there but I still feel compelled to update.

So how many ways do we need to keep in touch with one another? I have my blog. I also have Sadie's blog. To be fully honest MOST of my family and friends probably don't even read them even though it would be so easy to keep up with us that way yet I keep them up to date as much as I can just in case somebody wants to know what's been happening in our lives.

I'm on Linked In.

There's my cell phones with text messaging. That's 24 hour access to me.

There is email that I feel compelled to check multiple times throughout the day for a variety of reasons. It's just natural with my family being an ocean away that I want to see "what's up".

At work I have another email account that I must check daily.

I do/did belong to 3 different internet message boards that I wanted to keep up with, each with their own "specialty" topics.

There are the other blogs that I want to keep up with, my fellow weight loss bloggers, my Post Secret thrill every Sunday morning... the whole lot.

Then there is facebook. The biggest time sucker. I'm taking quizzes, answering polls, sending hugs, throwing Justin Timberlake at people... it's never ending, the action on facebook. I have decided I am going to only have "friends" on there that I know in real life and it ends up I know a whole lot of people.

So now I'm thinking "do I have to keep up with the Jones's" and join the most recent, life altering, best-thing-ever, must have internet tool and join the masses who are twittering? I'm exhausted just writing about keeping up with another tool. When did all of our lives become so damned interesting that we've deemed it necessary to share every "I'm walking the dog" or "I'm going to bed" or "I'm dreading work"?

Maybe it's just my mundane life that makes me feel un-twitter-worthy but really, do you really want to know? Don't I share enough in all of the other places? If there were no internet how much of my life would remain private with the small handfuls of exceptions in which I would share my "juicy bits" with? Who would know the struggles I've had with my weight? Who would know the personal hell that was our infertility? Who would know the true elation that was my pregnancy? Who would once again know of the emotional battle I struggle with daily in regards to my food issues? When is enough, enough?

Today. Today enough is enough for me. I'm not joining twitter. It's nothing personal against the website. I'm sure it's lovely. I'm going to focus on me for a while and by that I mean I will keep up with my blog. And probably facebook. And Sadie's blog. I'll answer my emails both at home and at work. You can reach me by phone both at home and my mobile. I will still occasionally visit my message boards You will not, however, find me twittering. Not today. Not now. Not ever.

I was down another pound this Tuesday so woohoo for me. I'll try and post something a bit beefier later!

I can't believe I forgot to update on Tuesday when I weighed in because it was actually GOOD news I get to share! I was down 1.5 kilos or roughly 3 pounds! So yay! We only have 7 weeks to go before we're in the US so getting anywhere near the weight I was hoping for before then is just impossible, which is extremely disappointing, but I am still going to plug along and try and get as much off as possible. Let's just hope I can keep the momentum.

Thank you

Thank you all for your kind words and well wishes. We made it through the week and I kept in close contact with my Mom, which really helped. It is so hard being here but you just have to do what you have to do sometimes.

In other events, remember when I was talking about my "life plate" being extremely full and all of the stress I've been dealing with which has negatively effected my life, especially my weight loss efforts, well it still is a madhouse around here, but in the upcoming weeks/months I am hoping that things will turn around for me. I can't disclose too much information right now but as soon as I can you all will be the first to know. Just keep your fingers crossed for me in the upcoming weeks, okay?

In weight loss news, well, there isn't much to report to be honest. I'm doing what I can when I can and I am sneaking in exercise a heck of a lot more often in the past weeks than I have for a long time but nothing seems to be budging. I do, however, have a lot more energy. This is a combination of Sadie sleeping better (I don't dare say it too loud for fear of jinxing myself) and making myself get up and move. Nothing makes you want to get up and move like getting up and actually moving. It's funny how exercise works that way. I'm going to start bike riding again (thanks for the inspiration Jen!).

Food has always been the toughest part for me though and it still is. I think it always will be. We had a contest at work recently where we were asked to write a 7-10 second (when read) public service announcement (psa) for a health issue of our choice from the given list. Then they're judged and the top 5 PSA's writers are shipped a video camera to then record your psa. Then the company will vote on the best of the 5 and the winner will get a trip to New York or LA to watch their announcement be shown on TV for the first time (and I think they professionally shoot the announcement as well). Naturally my mind immediately went to obesity, especially childhood obesity. I came up with a slogan that has echoed in my head since well before I was pregnant with Sadie and it's honestly what made me get on this weight loss journey in the first place. It's what helped me lose 72+ pounds before my pregnancy and it's what is going to get the weight back off now. I don't think I can share the slogan I came up with right now, until the winners of the contest are chosen (because you know I'm planning on winning), so I guess this is all a little tease but the whole point is...since actually writing this slogan out on paper (well computer screen) and submitting it, it has echoed in my head every single day, with every decision I make. It has already effected me so who knows, maybe it will be chosen as the winner and then it can echo in your head as well. I'll keep you posted.

I did get on the scale on Tuesday with no movement from the prior weeks. I hopped on this morning to see a slight decrease in numbers but Tuesday is the official day so let's hope I can drop some serious poundage by then.

I hope you all are having healthy, successful weeks and thanks again for all of your kindness.

Very sad news

My Grandpa passed away on the 4th of July. My Mom called to tell me the news and joked that he would have wanted to go out "with a bang". How fitting. How typical that my Mom would try to cheer me up with a joke when she'd just lost her father. I don't even want to imagine the grief she's filled with.

I feel a bit...helpless...I guess. It's never easy being far away from family but it's never so boldly apparent as to the vast space between us as it is in time like these.

I think with every death comes along a long wish list that will never be fulfilled. Those boxes will never be ticked. I wish I would have seen him a couple more times last time we were home. I wish I would have asked him all of the things I've always wondered about him. I wish he would have gotten so know Sadie better. I wish I would have been able to be there and comfort him or his wife or my mom or my uncles or my siblings or my cousins in those last few days.

They're having a memorial sevice on Wednesday. I wish I could be there. Not just for them, but for me, to say goodbye. I will miss him. I love you Grandpa Gene.