Monday, September 18, 2006

I just turned 30... I need to reflect.

So Friday, September 15, 2006 was my 30th birthday. The big 3-0. I'm no longer a 20-something, but I'm actually 30. WOW.

I took the day better than I had anticipated really. Of course I got all the sweet advice from others about how young 30 still is, how young I look, how incerdibly rediculous I was being for thinking 30 was such a big deal. Another good friend of mine sent me an e-card...what a sweet gesture that he actually remebered my birthday. Of course it would have been better had it not been a sympathy card expressing that his thoughts and prayers were with me in this difficult time. HAHA smartass.

So Marco asked me why I was making such a big deal out of 30 and I after thinking about it I told him what I thought it was. I just thought I would have done so much more by time I was 30. When I was younger, maybe late teens/early 20's I always imagined 30 as being more settled than what it is. Maybe my way of thinking was just silly or not really grasping what 30 really is.

I imagined having a career, not still trying to get through college. I have two years left to go on my degree and have put things on hold for now. I imagined at 30 I would have a house of my own. I did not imagine finding a bigger space to rent. I thought I would have written a book by now, not just thinking about what to write about, still getting my thoughts in order. I thought I would have at least one kid, maybe even two.

I imagined 30 being...well just so much more 'together' than I feel. I still feel like I don't have some or any of the answers that I should have. Questions like "what will I be when I grow up?"

But as I talked to my husband about what I thought 30 should be, he started pointing out what 30 actually was to me. Quit looking at what I don't know but at what I do know. Quit thinking about what I don't have yet, but what I have aquired. He may not say it elloquently (in fact it sort of sounded like he was telling me to quit whining) but he was right. So here are some accomplishments I have made in my 30 years here on this planet that I am happy about, that I'm thankful for and that I am proud of.

1) I have made wonderful friends. I have friends from grade school and high school that I still talk to. I have made friends for life. No matter how long we're apart or how much our lives change I know I am always in their hearts and they are in mine.

2) Although I didn't go to college until I was 25 I still worked and learned a lot about myself. I have learned that the most joyful thing in a nursing home is actually the residents. I learned that even though I wanted to be home at Christmas with my family that these elderly people were depending on me to be there for them and that I had a responsibility to them. I have traveled for work with two different jobs and learned that living in a hotel isn't all it's cracked up to be. I worked in a pharmacy for 5 years, learned all about drugs, customer service, insurance, doctors offices and who really runs them (thank God for nurses!).

3) I did go to college and found out that it's ok not to know what you want to be when you grow up. I learned that you didn't have to know at 18 what your career path should be and you could still turn out ok. I learned that I love to write and that it's an outlet for my feelings. I learned that I love school and learning new things but no matter how much I try I learned that I will never like biology or history...ever.

4) I packed up and left my family, friends and everything familiar to move abroad and I learned that I can live apart from them no matter how impossible I thought it would be. It still sucks at times, holidays and some days when you just want to hug your mom or to go hang out with your friends, but I learned that I have to do what is right for me no matter how hard it is at the time or how guilty I feel for not being there.

5) I learned that the more I plan out my life the more twists and turns life hands me, taking me where I never knew I would be. I learned that I have to be flexible in my dreams and in my wants and that it's ok to change my mind.

6) I learned that my grandma was the most pure hearted, sincere women I will ever meet. She always made me look at both sides of the coin and to give the underdog a chance. I learned that even after death her life lives on, in me and in all the lives that she has touched.

7) I learned how hard it is to live in a foreign country and how brave people are to speak a language that is not their own. I will never look down my nose or be frusterated with a person whose English is less than perfect (when I am in the US) or whose accent is so thick that I can barely understand them. I know now how humbling it is to be somewhere and need medicine, or help or to be lost and to not be able to ask for it. People who are brave enough to attempt to speak a language that is not their own, in a country where they are unsure of themselves deserve respect. I am not ignorant, just foreign.

8) I learned that the "man of my dreams" came in a totally different package than I ever imagined. He is everything I never knew I wanted.

9) I learned that I have so much more to learn!

1 comment:

serenity said...

I know I'm coming in late, but happy birthday and welcome to your 30s!!!