Now I tend to think I'm a pretty bright person and what I lack in brains I make up for in wit. I was never dropped on my head as a child (that I know of). I didn't have to wear special shoes. I didn't jump off the roof with an umbrella to see if I could fly more than once. I didn't touch the electric fence for fun enough times to do permanent damage. So why my doctor thought the simple math of less food + more calories = weight loss was supposed to be the bright shining light at the end of the my dark long food filled tunnel was beyond me. Didn't he think I thought of that? Did he think he really cracked the code to being overweight? I'm assuming it isn't his fault for not being able to help me more, because I've asked 3 different doctors the exact same question since then and they always come back with the same formula for me. The same rotten obvious answer.
I know a lot of people don't believe this, but for some, dare I say MANY, overweight people, it is so much more than that simple formula. Eating is so much more than putting nutrients in your body to live. Food becomes your Prozac. It becomes your Xanax. It's a way to calm yourself after a fight with your lover (or ex-lover depending on the fight). It's a way to celebrate when you got the job or passed the test. It's a way to soothe, settle, punish, glorify, drown, save, and appease. Now I can't speak for the masses, but I will speak for myself. I was a nervous eater... and a happy eater...well... I was a sad eater too. Oh and I ate when I was pissed off. I ate when I was bored. Oh and when there was a party or a holiday... well... you get the picture. I was a definite emotional eater.
It was obvious my doctors weren't going to give me any more advice that would help me. Now don't get me wrong, it is NOT my doctor's fault I was overweight. I've never been a big fan of people who blame their crap life and all of their emotional baggage on their parents or a rotten childhood or whatever. At some point you become an adult and need to take responsibility for your own life so I am absolutely responsible for myself. But I will attest to the fact that habits are hard to break and habits you've had since childhood aren't even thought of as habits anymore, they're just your way of life. But anyway...
This is the part of the story where the trumpet sounds and the knight in shining armor rides in on his white horse to saves me, the princess. This is where my epiphany happens, this is where I wrote down the formula for the umpteenth time and it actually worked! Well ok, so it wasn't THAT thrilling. What actually happened was I picked up a book... at the bookstore... I came home and read it. All of it. This is the part where one doctor actually gave me more than a formula to follow. I got more than a handfull of paper, a wish of luck and a pat on the back. I got ANSWERS!
I read Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weightloss Solutions. And no I am not Dr. Phil's wife pretending to be a blogger to push his thoughts onto unsuspecting souls and promote his book. I know some people aren't big fans of him and I don't plan on spending my time here defending him or really even talking about him, but I will tell you a thing or two about my life since really reading his book.
- I have dug to the root of my weight issues. I have gone all the way back to where it may have begun. Through reading and really putting sincere thought into why I am the way I am, I have found memories back to as young as 6 years old and having issues with food.
- I have a plan. Believe it or not, I've never had one before. It was always, I need to lose weight. I'm going to lose weight. I'm going on a diet. But there was never a clear cut plan. I have one now and it's working.
- I don't have this hurried frenzied feeling of needing to lose weight right this very second. Believe it or not, when I used to 'diet' and I wouldn't have that familiar really full feeling in my belly I would actually get nervous, sometimes to the point of being dizzy or being short of breath. Hence food being my Xanax.
- I am not obsessed with weights, measures, pounds, minutes or calories. Not that I was ever obsessed with them before, but there have been 'diets' here or there that would really make you crazy with all the numbers, formulas, tracking and calculating. If you can't tell, math was never my strong point.
- Because I have a plan, I am more calm and confidant that this is a reachable doable goal for me.
And those are just the few changes that I've seen so far. I've only been at this monster for a month. I'm no expert by any means so don't get me wrong. I may not even be good at this yet. I'm just taking things one step at a time and learning as I go. But I finally feel like this is it, it's the big one. I've stolen the answer key to all the exams and I'm ready for my first test!