Rabid Squirrels?

If you find yourself running but you don't seem to be getting anywhere it can mean one of two things.

1) You're in one of my re-occuring dreams where I am being chased by a number of different things, from tornados, to evil gunmen, to police officers, to rabid squirrels (don't laugh squirrels have been known to cause bodily harm 10's of thous...ok 10's of people each year) but no matter how fast I run or how many corners I turn I just can't seem to get that little long toothed guy off my back.

OR

2) You're on the fantastic treadmill that I am only 3 kilos (6.6 pounds) away from owning!!!!!!!

If you've been following my blog then you already know this story so either skip the next couple lines or bare with me while I bore you with the details for those new comers.

When I began this journey I knew that I had tried 'diets' before and even been sucessful for a little while. At one point about 5 years ago I lost around 45 pounds and was feeling pretty good about myself. Then, like every other 'diet' I had tried, I had a slip here, a slide there, a full out binge once or twice and eventually I ended up back where I started plus a few extra pounds... for good measure.

Even though I knew I was doing something different this time I still didn't have 100% faith that this was the big 'IT'. This wasn't a diet, this was a life change. So to motivate myself I made a deal with my husband (my mother acted as expert witness in case he conveniently forgot our deal once it came to coughing up the money to actually buy the treadmill) that when I lose my first 15 kilos or 33 pounds I would reward myself with a treadmill.

I chose 15 kilos as my goal because... well it's a nice chunk of weight off my arse...literally. And if I can lose 33 pounds then I could convince myself that this was for real. I wasn't messing around. This is the big I-T.

So now I am almost there. I weighed in this morning and another 2.1 kilos (4.6 pounds) were gone. I have now lost a total of 12 kilos (26.4 pounds) and oh so close to that first target and owning that treadmill.

I'll have to admit I'm pretty darned excited and even a little bit proud. I really did it. I really am doing it. I'm really going to get... no not get but EARN that treadmill.

But it's not only the fact that I am doing it but it's the fact that this journey has been so different then all the others in my life. Although in the beginning, when I made the deal with my husband, I did it with the uncertainty that I could actually pull this off.

I am now so certain that this is it, that this it the big IT that it makes me laugh. Not an "oh that's funny ha ha" laugh, not a little chuckle to myself but a full on, rolling on the ground, crazy, hysterical, villainous, tickle me until I pee laugh. The kind of laugh that makes your face hurt and leaves a stitch in your side for hours afterwards.

It's like I'm the not-so-quick-witted, kind of dorky kid at the party who didn't get the joke that everybody was laughing at, but on the walk home that little 'something' clicks in my head and I am standing on the sidewalk...all alone... cracking up.

I get it. I finally, really honestly get it.

Don't mistake my 'getting it' with getting cocky though. It was and will continue to be a long, hard, sweaty, tear stained road. It's a road that's filled with bumps that I'll have to clamber over while trying to stay steady. It's a road filled with road blocks that make me think this is the end of my journey and I can't possibly keep going. This road has patches of black ice that makes me slip, falter and bust my arse time and time again. But this is the road that I have to take. It's the only through road that leads to my final destination.