A half blind tornado, yep, that's me!

Sorry I’ve been MIA, there’s been a lot going on. Between the house being remodeled (it’s finished now, except for the whole that the punched through the bedroom wall from the bathroom which now has to be patched and repainted. Nice, right?). In the meantime, I started losing vision in my right eye on Friday. Not all the time, just for a few minutes at a time, then it would go away, then it would come back. It was like I was looking through a dirty, fogged up window, so not black. I was at the doctors and the hospital all day Friday. They weren’t sure what the cause was but it stopped happening (after they dialated my eyes) so sent me home claiming “migraine in my eye”. I had no head pain or any other symptom but partial blindness.

It didn’t happen Saturday so thought they may have been right, but started happening again Sunday so another morning and afternoon was spent at the hospital. Again, nothing could be found so I was sent home to write down who/what/when/where/why of the episodes until I could get a follow up appointment and they could discuss my case further. Monday it didn’t happen. Then Tuesday I had an appointment again (after a team of neurologist met to discuss what could be wrong with me since they cannot find a single thing wrong with me eye) and they’ve put me on a calcium channel blocker, which is actually used for high blood pressure, which I do not have. So I’m trying this for two weeks and then having a follow up appointment.

They’re saying it could be a vascular spasm (they no longer think it’s migraine) but there is no way to actually SEE a vascular spasm (just like there is no real known cause of a migraine, only known triggers), so if the blind episodes go away then they’ll assume the medication is correct and we’ll see where we go from there BECAUSE taking a pill for high blood pressure when you don’t have it of course causes low blood pressure. So now I feel a little sick and tired a lot and the medicine makes my face flushed and hot so I look like I’m walking around embarrassed all day. I guess it’s the lesser of two evils though. I haven’t had a blind episode since Sunday though so I don’t know if it was some fluke, freak thing and now I’ve been on the meds for 2 days with no return blindness, so are they really working or did the episodes just go away?

So THIS is why I’ve been neglecting my weight loss blog. Good reason, no?

I have my second psychologist appointment Tuesday. I’m having a lot of nervous, anxious feelings about my weight (not about the appointment but about my body) and it’s not necessary nice. I don’t really know how to explain what it is I’m feeling, which is new for me as I can usually find some way of getting things across, but I guess the best way to describe how I’m feeling is tornadic (is that even a word, meaning like a tornado? Well it’s a freaking word now, for the purpose of this blog). Like a tornado, I have all these feelings, emotions, thoughts, expectations, wants, needs, concerns, fears, realizations, a whole mix of crap basically, going on in my body and it literally feels like they’re spinning around, changing one emotion for the next in such a rapid pace that I don’t know what to think or feel or do. (how’s THAT for not having the right words?).

The weather is vastly improving and I’m looking forward to being able to spend more time outside and getting in some exercise. Sadie LOVES being outside and this is a great motivation for me to also be out there.

I will keep you all posted!