Tuesday, June 08, 2010

I'm not exactly sure where I am going with this post so please accept my early apologies if I am all over the place or no place at all.

Since back from vacation a whole lot of nothing has been happening in the weight loss world. I was talking to my gal pal Becklette (over there on the left, check her blog out, it's good stuff) telling (read: whining) her how I don't know why I'm not really doing anything about my eating or exercise or anything at all, I'm just not, and she made a very keen observation. She pointed out that I'm not doing anything because I'm waiting around for this damn Disorderly Eating place to call me for my first appointment. Yeah, that makes sense. That seems like something I would do. I love when people don't bullshit me and tell me like it really is, and for that, Becklette, I love ya! I mean it makes no logical sense to wait for these people to call me for an appointment because it's not like they're going to get me in and my life will change automatically. I'm still going to have to do all of the hard work that I did before so why in the world am I hanging out pretending that this fairy godmother of a councilor is going to change my world? Meh, no clue.

In the meanwhile I've been tossing the idea of surgery around in my head. And put away your soap boxes, there is no need to preach about how "surgery is a very serious step" and "do you know the risks" and all the other crap that goes along with it. Yes, I know, yes I've done reading up, the good, the bad, the scary, the deathly scary, the ugly, the whole sha-bang-a-lang and the bottom line for me is, if I did, by some miracle, have any sort of money to put towards weight loss surgery of any kind, be it lap band, lipo (which I know isn't for MAJOR suckage of fat), staples and the likes, when all was said and done, I would be in the same place, mentally, that I'm in now and I would hate to put my body (and my family) through that if I would be at a high risk for gaining the weight back.

But in my wishful mind I think to myself, "self, if you ever lost all of the weight, via surgery you would have a clean slate and there is just no way you would ever do to your new body what you did to this pre-surgical body."

but then I say to myself "self, you did lose over 70 pounds before and yeah, so you got pg, but since then you packed on even more weight and are creeping up on your all time highest adult weight again, which is not a good thing. at all."

So it's a back and forth battle. If I were to rub my lamp and, besides getting rid of that layer of dust, a genie came out and granted me a new rocking bod (okay, so even a semi-decent bod) the very next morning, would I really be able to keep it? Would being the "do over" card be enough to keep me on track, be mindful, exercise and really take care of myself the way I need and DESERVE to be taken care of?

I like to think the answer to that question is a big fat "HELL YEAH". I guess I'll never know though. It's all hard work, exercise, a healthy diet and lots of head work that's going to end up putting me in that rockin bod I so desire. I just hope I get there before I'm 40.


Barbara Loure` Gunn said...

I hate to mention this Sarah, but just talking about it isn't going to take off one single pound. Do something- anything!!!

Teena said...

Sarah- You need to start logging your food intake again and it will get you going. Nothing like having to look at the totals at the end of the day to get you motivated to start eating better. I bet once you notice a change in your body from a diet modification you will want to start exercising again. Think of how good you felt before after losing 70 pounds. You can do it!! You are a very strong lady!

Missa said...

I don't know what you should do. I can only tell you that for myself, I find it liberating when I lose weight as a result of hard work. Hard work is logging my food and lots of exercise.

You can do it. I believe in you!!


becklette said...

god, you make me feel so fancy when you write about me. now i'm preening a little bit.

uhm. yes, i tend to think that a clean-slate bod would get all the tlc it deserves. i mean, surely that body would be good at exercise and everyone knows being good at it makes it suck less. so, if you ever do realize there's a body-changing genie in your lamp, gimme a call, i'll be on the next plane.

meantime, darling, you haven't pimped dr. phil in a while. does that mean you've broken up?

Kimberly said...

Please, PLEASE, save a wish for me!

But, yeah, I'm right there with you. Well, Ok, I'm way over here in Florida, but still. My mind. It's with yours. 'Cause this, for me, is all a head game.

I, too, think that if I could have a do-over, a clean slate, a genie, I wouldn't do this. If I WERE a thin person, I'd live like one. But I once was a thin person. And, well...look at me now.

I have no advice. But you have shown you can do this. Go. Do it. Walk your doggy (and baby!). Log every bite you eat. Re-read Dr. Phil. And then tell me to do the same damn things.