Tuesday, December 21, 2010


It's kind of roll the dice with my emotions and eating lately.

I've been feeling unfocused, overwhelmed, wishy washy, unsteady, powerful, determined, able, incapable, strong, tired, willing, confused, inspired, dejected, deflated, hanging in there by a thread.

Every day seems to be a shake of the weight loss dice and I just never know if I'm going to be yelling Yahtzee or throwing the dice across the room and stomping off in a huff because I didn't "win".

Sometimes I'm just one little die away from hitting it big and scoring some weight loss points. Sometimes I roll a whole lot of nuttin and leave a big fat zero in the Yahtzee box. Each game and each day (hell, each meal even) it's a various mix of this, that and the other. Good choice, not smart choice, thinking with your stomach not your head choices, wise decisions, you just never know what's coming up next, what's around that next corner, what's going to come shooting out of the little cup with your next roll.

I do try to keep in mind that not every choice has to be the Yahtzee of all choices. Even some of the rolls inbetween can be enough to make you win the game in the end. I guess it's not the perfect roll I'm hoping for, it's that balance of large and small straights, a fair amount of 5s and 6s when trying for them, maybe even a full house that can win the game, with or without that perfect Yahtzee kind of an eating day.

Knowing that even if I didn't get the magic roll this last meal or snack or day, it doesn't mean that with the next shake of the dice I can't come up yelling Yahtzee.

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