Friday, January 26, 2007

Fat Personified

So I'm totally over my whole crying-feeling-like-crap-because-the-scale-hates-my-guts-and-is-out-to-ruin-my-life funk that I was in on Tuesday (and part of the day Wednesday). Now I'm just pissed.

I began feeling pissed right about the time I got to the gym on Wednesday evening. I got on the scale there since my home scale was obviously possessed by Satan himself and I was not thrilled with the number. It was only the slightest bit lower than what it said when I was there 3 weeks ago. No biggie, sometimes you hit a plateau right? WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

Well ok, so not wrong but I just got over a plateau I am not ready for another one! Not only that but I've added another full workout to my routine every single week PLUS 10 extra minutes of cardio to my other 3 days so in total I've added another day of weight training and 70 extra minutes of cardio every single week for 3 weeks solid and I move only a slight bit on the scale?!?!?! (And I was super careful with my food so that wasn't it at all.)


And that's what I told myself over and over Wednesday. Instead of getting weepy I decided to get pissed. While mulling things over in my head as I clambered onto the cross-trainer I thought:

"I freaking doubt it! I will not put up with this #%$&@."

"You are not going to beat me. You will not win this time around."

"I am stronger than you are and I am stronger than you ever will be so go ahead and mess with me but you will not win!"

The thing is... I didn't even know who I was screaming at. Who is this monster that is just irritating the hell out of me? It's not my husband. It's not my trainer. It's not food. It's not the gym. It's not me. It's not you.

It's fat...personified.

I imagined my fat as a person. Well at least with some human characteristics.
Fat was an ugly "guy". Sort of potato shaped, short and wide with a dull grey skin. No legs, he just perched up on his big grey bottom and swayed back and forth in front of my machine. He had stubby arms with thick fingers and was holding a cigar. He had on one of those old man golf hats on the side of his lumpy head and a long thin wide mouth with a crooked smart-ass smile on it. He was taunting, me not vocally but I could see it in his eyes.

"I'm on your thighs and I'm not goin no where! Na-na-na-boo-boo."

"I'm in your belly making it look like jelly."

The strange thing is that this actually worked for me. I yelled (in my head, I don't want everybody at the gym to know I'm one brick short of a load) at fat the entire time I was on the cross trainer. And when it hurt I pushed on and yelled at him some more.

The more I write and re-read my blog the crazier I think I seem but hey, I'm telling my story here so if I'm crazy in my story then so be it. We all need a little crazy in our life don't we?


Anonymous said...

You have to remember that muscle weighs more than fat!!! I'm positive all of the working out you do is building MUSCLE!! don't rely too much on the scale, your clothing will tell you how you are doing.

kimberly said...

Sarah, you remain such an inspiration! Your willingness to keep on going, your "getting pissed and fighting it" v. giving up, your attitude (even with a tad of crazy) is great! You are doing such a good job -
and do remember muscle really does weigh more than fat, and apparently a lot of peolpe gain/don't lose right after really increasing their workouts.

Jayne said...

So many times I read your blog and I can't believe how you nail this whole weight loss thing. Even this plateau or muscle-building or whatever we call it - your honesty about feelings is what will be your stength and the inspiration for others. I, too hate the strugle and I look all too often to those scale numbers to make me feel better. It's a vicious cycle. But I know that you have the craziness and the know-how to make it through this. Thanks! Jayne (18 lbs down - 40 to go)

Anonymous said...

Sarah you are doing great! Thanks to your inspiration I am 20 lbs less than I was last year at this time! It is slow but I know it will happen eventually. If your scale goes up, it's only because you are building muscle, remember that- muscle weighs more than fat.


Emily said...

I love it! Yell at the fat. Anger really gets my adrenaline pumping, not just "oh I wish I weighed less and looked better, so I should really go to the gym, and workout for a little while" Now I can think of it as battling fat--why don't they talk about that in all the fitness magazines??

I can't wait to use this visualization technique. Thank you!