Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Jammer! (Dutch for shitty, pronounced yah-mer)

This post is jammer for a couple of reasons. For one, today was my weigh-in and I gained back that 0.4 pounds that I lost last week so I am exactly where I was 2 weeks ago. It's still 60.74 pounds in the negative but yuck! Marco jokingly said I just need to not eat anything this week to help me get over that plateau. I think I'll leave that advice for now but if this week doesn't bring me some better results I may revisit it!

But in all fairness I could definitely be more strict on my eating habits. I've been slipping a little a little more often that I should and I need to get that back in check. I've noticed that I'm in a bit of a pattern that I will eat badly for a meal and then really have to push myself to make up for it the next day or in my next meal and I'm leaving myself unsatisfied at some meals. I want to balance that out. Ultimately I'd like to eat balanced for every meal so I'm not playing the whole steal-from-this-meal-and-pay-back-at-that-meal game. I'm going to try to cut out my coffee in the morning (since I mix a pack of hot chocolate in with it because it's really the only way I can drink it here) and I'm going to stop having my afternoon chocolate just to cut out a few extra calories. I'm going to really push my cardio at the gym. I'm VERY bored with it but it's no reason to slack. The weather is turning out to be really beautiful here so hopefully I'll be spending some more time out and about.

My eating patterns lately remind me, on a much smaller scale, of what I did to myself when my friend Liz was getting married. I was Maid of Honor and I knew I was going to have to fit in a dress. She, thankfully, picked out a pretty one. While she was very busy losing weight to fit in her big white dress but I seemed to be doing the exact opposite. Even though I knew I had to fit in this dress I was sabotaging myself and really over eating obnoxious amounts of food. I haven't quite worked out mentally why I did that (or do that). Maybe it was nerves or emotions or whatever but I definitely was not making any sort of conscious effort to watch my weight. I even remember thinking to myself while I was eating something totally calor-ific "I should not be having this, I have to fit in that dress and look decent in her wedding pictures" but I would eat it anyway and feel horribly guilty later. But not guilty enough to stop the cycle though. Once the wedding was over I stopped stuffing myself. Now how ass backwards is that?

I see that pattern again, like I said though on a much smaller scale, with my trip home. I am just so nervous/excited/thrilled/happy/anxious that I seem to be every so slightly sabotaging myself. It sucks to admit that. But maybe by admitting it and throwing it out there for all of you to know, maybe that will help me get a grip on it. I can't work out why I do it, I really honestly don't know but I do it and it's messed up. I want to stop and I think I will.

Another reason this post is "jammer" is because my bike was stolen last night! Now the weather is getting really pretty out and I can take a long ride along the Amstel canal and enjoy the weather while getting in some extra exercise and it's gone! I rode it to my Dutch class last night to only come out and see my lock hanging limp on the pole where my bright orange bike once stood. It's not even a nice bike, it is a low-end, Dutch orange, "omafiets" (translate grandma bike) with a broken tail light but darn it it was MY bike! Two guys across the street from the school said they tried to stop the two guys who stole it but they saw them too late and the lock was already cut. My classmates were kind enough to walk with me to the tram stop since it was 10 at night and I made my way home safely. (Thanks Matthew, Arif and Lucky!)

So that's my jammer post for today. Next week I promise to have an "uitstekend" weigh-in.


Joost said...

I have your omafiets. I tried pawning it to satisfy my daily need for a bami, but no one will take it because it's such a jammer omafiets. If you want it back ,I threw it in the canal by the school.

Amy said...

Maybe it's time to review the basics? Go back to your Dr. Phil book and do some reading to help get yourself back on track. It sounds like you are understanding what behaviors are behind the eating...now to tackle them. Like someone in my WW meeting said last night...

"if hunger is not the question, then food is not the answer"

Anonymous said...

Hi. I'm a Nest lurker and I just wanted to say, I think you've done a great job so far, especially sticking with your exercise. I know how hard it is to maintain those changes, keep your motivation up and really stay on track for an extended period of time.

I seem to recall from the Nest that you aren't counting calories or doing anything to really track your food. Maybe doing so for a week or even just a couple of days would help get you back on track. It sounds like you're aware of eating too much or too poorly, but maybe counting the calories would be a eye-opener to know exactly how bad it is and shock you into not eating the crap. I know it works that way for me sometimes... thinking I'm eating kinda crappy today, then plugging in the foods are seeing big calorie amounts makes me think twice about having that afternoon mocha no matter how good it sounds. Also, maybe keeping track of your food intake is something you need to do now to keep losing since your body is probably starting to get used to the exercise, even if you keep ramping it up. And I agree with Amy, reread your book that you love so much!!!

Anyways, keep up your awesome work. I love your blog and your before/during pics. Can't wait to see some afters! :)