Sunday, November 05, 2006

I went shopping with Marco over the weekend to buy my newest nephew a gift. (Yay Gryffin!) While we were out and about I was curious as to what size clothes I could fit into now. I didn't want to buy anything, just wanted to see... ya know what I mean?

So we went into C&A (one of the few stores here who realize bigger people need clothing too...maybe we should all run around naked one day in protest?) and I grabbed a pair of pants 3 sizes smaller than what I used to wear. (They were one size smaller than my 'skinny' jeans which I happened to have on that day.) I grabbed a shirt I liked in two different sizes just in case I had a bout of 'wishful thinking' with the smaller of the two.

I slipped into the dressing room and tried on the smallest shirt first. Amazingly fit. Not only did it fit, but it looked really good. I marched out to show Marco and he agreed. He noted that I looked hot but if the shirt shrank any at all it would be unwearable.

I argued that yes, he was right, BUT I am not going to get any bigger and I actually plan on getting smaller PDQ so that shouldn't be a problem at all. This shirt was 4 sizes smaller than what I was when I started this journey... it looked good and I was buying it! (plus it was only 15 euros).

So I went back in and slid into the jeans. Zip-button and I was in! They looked good too. I paraded out to show my new found size to my husband and once again got the two thumbs up. WOOHOO!

But besides getting a couple pieces of new clothes I also figured out something else. Maybe I haven't been feeling so great about myself lately because I am still wearing all the same clothes I had been wearing before?

Yes, I did revive my older pants that I hadn't fit into for years but had I outgrown (or would that be ingrown?) them without realizing? I was still wearing them same shirts I had worn over the summer before any of this lifestyle change really started.

As I slid on my 'skinny' jeans to go pay for my new clothes I took a looksie in the mirror. My skinny jeans weren't looking so hot anymore. They were way too big in the booty, big in the legs and I could even fit my arm down between my body and the waistline. My t-shirt hung down well past my butt. It draped (or drooped) sadly across my (newfound) collar bones and cascaded over my boobs to just kind of hang out in the general area of my stomach. I could have been wearing a potato sack and looked just as good.

Well no freaking wonder I don't feel like my body has changed! I'm still dressing like I was 42 pounds ago!!!!

So we payed at C&A and shopped on. A little giddy from my last purchase I went to the workout section of V&D and grabbed a couple articles of workout gear. I slid into the pants and shirt in my new sizes and DAMN! I looked good! I actually had a shape other than lumpy and frumpy. I actually had curves instead of bumps. I looked like I had lost weight.

Why didn't I see this or think of this sooner? Of course I don't look good in my old clothes. I have never liked when people dressed in clothes that were too big for them (even when it was trendy in the 80's and 90's to wear oversized sweatshirts over leggings. Gag!) to try to hide their bodies and that is exactly what I was unknowingly doing to myself.

So I'm looking forward to my next paycheck and getting a few new pieces. Of course I don't want to go all out and buy tons of everything since I don't plan on being this size long but I definately do need a few more shirts to get myself through this stage of the process.

I'm hoping that this will help a little bit with the doubt I've had recently. We shall see.

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