Sunday, November 12, 2006

Unwritten Rules of the Gym

Surely these rules are written somewhere, but even if they're unwritten I think they're pretty well known. Obviously they aren't practiced by everybody, if they were there would be no need for the rule then right?
  • You don't blow your nose in a restaurant while others are eating.
  • You don't date your friend's ex-'s.
  • When you're at the urinal you keep your eyes forward (so I've heard).
  • You don't invite people who belong to AA to your wine tasting party.
  • You don't wear white to another woman's wedding no matter how much you dislike her.
  • You don't smack somebody else's kid even if they are rotten.
  • You don't hop on the machine right next to me at the gym when there are 5 of the exact same machines open elsewhere!!!

Ok, so that last one may not be a rule but if it isn't it sure as heck should be. To me that's the equivalent of going into a fairly empty theatre and picking the seat right next to another couple. Yes, you can sit anywhere but it's just known that you don't do such a thing.

So I was only 10 or so minutes into my 30 minute cardio on the treadmill. I was jogging away... minding my own business...rocking out on my my own little exercise world. Marco was next to me doing his thing. There was one guy on the machines behind us which left 3 treadmills in the back row and 2 treadmills in my row open. From every treadmill you get the same view so that's no reason to chose the one next to me.

So this guy hops on the treadmill next to me and is getting all set up to work out. I momentarily contemplated moving machines to the other side of Marco but I hate having to stop my pace in the middle of my workout and I was kicking a little ass that day and didn't feel like quitting. I rationalized that he had every right to work out next to me and had the gym been more busy this would actually happen anyway.

Then I notice the guy start looking at my stats on my machine. Again, this is out there for everybody to see I guess, but it's just known that you do your thing and don't look at everybody elses business. Yeah you can walk by and glace at somebodies stats but this guy was just flat out looking.

I gave him a quick glance and half assed smile that said "hi there wierdo, I'm very uncomfortable right now and please quit looking at my machine" and went back to my workout.

That day I happen to be trying something new with my jogging. I was keeping a steady speed but alternating the incline myself. I usually do the 'hill mode' where it changes the incline for me throughtout the workout but I wanted a little extra push that day so took on the task of inclining myself. It was going well.

Inappropriate man started his workout and of course it totally threw me off my pace. I don't know what it is but if I am on the eliptical or treadmill and somebody next to me is going faster than me I just feel propelled to keep up. If they're going slower it's no problem but I just can't have somebody going faster than me. I guess it's the competetor in me or just plain old wackiness.

I changed the incline on my machine to try to control the urge to speed up. As soon as I pressed the button to make the treadmill higher his head whipped around to see what I was doing. I think I actually felt the breeze it created. Wwwhhip!

I continued on my machine trying to ignore the fact that every single time I changed my incline, which was about every 3 to 5 minutes, this guy was all up in my business looking at what I was doing.

I tried to motion to Marco my dislike for the jackass next to me but that message is hard to convey without being totally obvious. You can only do so much with slight headjerks and facial contortions without others thinking you're having some sort of spasm.

I made it through my last 20 minutes without looking at the guy again. Then the strangest thing happened. When I stopped jogging and went into my cool down mode he just quit jogging altogether and got off his machine. Stopped the whole program right in th middle, no cool down... no anything! So since he didn't even get on the machine until I was 10+ minutes into my workout it means he only ran for about 17 or 18 minutes. What kind of routine is that?!?! Who jogs in 17 minute incriments? Aparently this guy does.

Then there's the whole nudity-in-the-locker-room-yet-still-chatting-like-we're-fully-clothed thing that I'm still very uneasy with but that's a whole other blog.


Liz said...

Sarah, that is HILLARIOUS!!!!

Michelle - Mrs.AMG on the nest said...

Okay, this is awful! I'm on the nest one minute, come across your profile, decide to take a look at your blog and here I am a couple of hours later finishing your last entry after reading all of them! Sarcastic rant over. You look wonderful! I'm so inspired by your journey and I'm right along with you..well a couple of steps behind, but I'm down 19 lbs and every entry you've made has been so right on and such fun to read! Thanks so much and keep up the good work!

Amy said...

You are too funny! My friend and I came up w/ a gym list of what men should not do...that was one of them! Another was to not make any staring obvious when someone is on the leg abductor machine (the one where your legs are spread open and you have to squeeze them together). Thank god our gym as a women's only section upstairs!

Jayne said...

I can so relate to the weird talkin-naked thing in the locker rrom. Check out my post.