Tuesday, July 03, 2007

This week I gained less than 1/2 a pound (0.4) which is understandable since I skipped the gym all week long. I have too much on my mind to even try to justify or make sense of anything. We're sitting here waiting for a call for the results so thought I'd pass the time by updating my blog.

I have been stagnating too long with my weight so I've decided to throw something new into the mix. I'm going to try to track my calories (so far I've only been tracking portions) to see if I can't move the scale in the right direction. The thought of tracking calories doesn't exactly thrill me as in the past it always seemed to make me obsess over food which isn't what I want at all. I'm willing to give it a try though but if I see myself getting obsessed I'll have to stop.

Thanks to everybody for keeping us in your thoughts. Hopefully we'll have the final decision in a few minutes or hours and we can finally move on, one way or another.


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It looks like we'll be moving on not one way but "the other". Marco's test results were not what we were hoping for as they were negative for any swimmers at all. No matter how much we could have tried to prepare ourselves for this news it was still a huge disappointing stomach turning blow. We'll never have biological children that are a little bit of him and a little bit of me. I'll never look at my child and see my husbands eyes or nose or smile. This was "it", the last chance.

Being the pillar of strength that he always is (or maybe he's just plain crazy), Marco has already called the clinic to make an appointment to use donor sperm. The man never ceases to amaze me. Whatever we're thrown he always seems to be able to push forward and never look back. Donor insemination is something we've been talking about for the past year while we waited for the TESE trial to get rolling but I just didn't expect him to be so "prepared" to make the call.

For now I'm still a little flabbergasted and emotional. I need some time to make peace with this I think. Good thing everything here takes ages so I'll have plenty of time to really digest the whole thing before any further appointments or moving forward.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled weight loss blog.

17 comments:

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry. Lots and lots of hugs to you guys.

-Sarah (from Miami)

Jayne said...

Sarah,

I am sorry that this has happened to you guys.

You and Marco are a true team and you will make beautiful parents.

Jayne

ptg said...

I'm sorry to hear about all the trouble you guys are having. I'm a new reader (from the Nest) - I will keep you both in my thoughts & prayers. Your husband's ability to keep moving forward is amazing - good for him, and good for you for working together to create the family you so richly deserve.

Nisha said...

What a wonderful husband you have! You two are going to make a baby very, very lucky.

jacodi said...

Sarah and Marco,

My thoughts and prayers are with you both at this difficult time. You both are showing tremendous strength, I cannot even imagine what you are going through.

Hugs,

Jenn

Salsera Gringuita said...

Sarah,

You and Marco are in my thoughts & prayers. Sending a heaping dose of love & strength to both of you!

Leigh from SC

kimberly said...

I'm so sorry, Sarah. You and Marco will be wonderful parents to a very lucky child. I'll keep you in my prayers:)

Amy said...

Sarah I'm so sorry to hear the news. Marco is incredible and from reading your blog you two have an amazing relationship.

Best wishes to you both as you continue on this difficult journey.

Monica said...

I'm so sorry you got this news. Marco is such a trooper to already be taking the next step.

Your kids may not be biologically both of you, but don't be surprised if one day they crack Marco's smile, or have the same twinkle in their eyes. Not everything is genetic. :-)

Big hugs.

Lissa said...

Hey Sarah,
Im really sorry to hear about your test results. You and Marco are truly amazing and strong! Thank God that there are options for you guys to be parents, b/c you will be great! I will pray for you guys! On a side note..if you dont already have it, go to calorieking.com and get his calorie counting book, its great and only about eight dollars. Love you guys! Lissa

mamacita chilena said...

on a weight note, www.fitday is awesome, its where I track all my calories and activities!

On a personal note, you two will make fantastic parents! I'm pretty sure once the baby comes you're not going to think twice about where it came from :)

***CCC*** said...

Here are lots and lots of hugs for you guys...what an amazing husband you've been blessed with. I know you'll both make wonderful parents!

Amy said...

More hugs, Sarah!! Great big ones.

AGirlWorthLosing said...

My heart hurts for you. I hate to hear you are having to go through any pain. I am thinking about you and praying for you. Much love to you both.

kimberly said...

Sarah, I wanted to let you know, there's another blogger I read who gave birth to twins 6 weeks ago using donated sperm b/c her husband had no sperm. They've definitely had their ups and downs but it may be worth a read for you.

ashidome.typepad.com.

I believe she started talking about her fertility issues in August of last year? More or less...

Livy said...

I really don't know what to say. Marco sounds like a pillar of strength. Hang in there babe, every day will get a little miniscule easier.

Anonymous said...

Sweetie I am so sorry I know how much this meant to you. Thank Goodness for Marco for always bringing a positive to the bad news. He is a real inspiration along with you.

Barbi