Sunday, November 04, 2007

** Danger** Danger** Please take cover***

I am declaring this week a weight loss disaster area. The siren and whistles are a blowin. My mind is elsewhere (mostly in my uterus, I'll explain later) and food, healthy eating, exercise and discipline are last on my list of things to think about. Once again I feel like I'm having an out of body experience where I'm just going through the motions of the day and watching myself from the outside.

And to some this may be a big fat excuse and to those who think it, is I'm flipping you the bird right now. As I mentioned a few posts ago, we've had some positive news regarding our fertility treatments. Well this week was our first round of inseminations. After 2.5 years of trying to have a baby this is the very first time we really have a chance to become parents. Without boring you with my entire history and a lesson in "how to make a baby" I'll just say that Halloween was a very fertile time for me and we hope to be growing our own little pumpkin soon.

Wednesday was the first insemination and although I know I'm supposed to relax (a little story on relaxing below) I was wound up like a freaking clock on coke. I left work at lunch and didn't end up going back. We had our second insemination the following day so of course Wednesday night I didn't sleep, at all. I was up until 3 am and when I finally did go to bed I didn't really sleep. I called my boss at 7am to let her know that I wasn't going to make it into work that day due to having a case of the crazies and she was really very understanding.

Both appointments went well and my mind has done nothing but race ever since. Food is pullin up the rear in the mind race. We don't want to get our hopes up too high because the success rate with IVI is very low (below 10% each time you try) but you know I'm just a simple human and can't help but have a little hope. We've waited long enough and have been through enough... it's our turn. I'm trying to relax and take it easy as much as possible and keep my mind occupied on other things but as I'm sure you can imagine it's a tough task. Let me tell you a little story about relaxing. Just imagine...

You're sitting on the couch eating your TV dinner and the state lottery comes on. You race to the fridge to pick up your tickets to see if you've won. The numbers start rolling out. There's only 6 to match so your odds are good right?

Here comes the first ball...

You have 17! Wow that's kind of neat!

WHOA! You have 23. Little hairs on your neck stand on edge. 2 in a row… you’re doing well.

5 is your lucky number... you have it! Your palms sweat.

Oh. My. God.... it's on there!

No.freaking.way. You know you have 3 because 3 is the number of children you wanted to have before you started having to jab yourselves with needles pumping yourself full of hormones and before your husband suddenly was more turned on by a plastic collection cup that you. This is amazing!

You only have to match one more number! Those balls are flying around that little popcorn machine like mad. You're about to win 80 million dollars and pay for IVF for all of your friends whose insurance companies don't think that fertility medications should be covered!

One more match is all that stands between you and a lifetime dream of happiness. You can finally pay off your mortgage and get that new car you've been needing. You can pay off your parents bills and send them on a vacation that they've never ever had. You can start the college funds for your kids. You can tell your a-hole boss to stick it! This is amazing!

It's time...the ball pops up and starts its quick descent to the little tube at the end... this is it! You're big moment! Your heart is pounding in your chest. Your fate is a mere seconds away... the moment that can change the course of your life is almost here! Roll little guy roll! But before you can see if that little white ball is your lucky number 32... the last matching number on your lottery ticket... the electricity in your house goes out. You’re sitting in pitch black darkness.

Now YOU relax!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

Actually, I would be the happiest person in the world if that was me. Because even by matching 5 of the 6 numbers and with an 80 million dollar jackpot, you're stil going to win over a million dollars, so the rest is just gravy.

Lauren said...

that was just stressful. All my luck and prayers to you.

All About Amelia said...

I am praying for you sweetie! I am a nestie and followed your story on there!!! Tons of baby dust to you!

Monica said...

Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you guys!

Leslie said...

I understand. We went through infertility problems too, although not nearly as stressful as yours, and I gained 30 pounds in 5 months. It was a hard hard time, but we were one of the lucky couples who were told we had less than 1% chance of conceiving naturally and we were ready to do IVF, and then conceived on our own (the DAY we saw the fertility specialist who gave us the devastating news!!) So, there is hope, and I wish you all the luck in the world. After learning how miraculous it is just to conceive I still wonder how the hell there are billions of people on earth, and how completely unfair it is that people who want children so badly are not able to while others who dont seem to care or who end up harming their children have no problem getting pregnant. It sounds like you WILL be wonderful parents, and I'm sending your implantation vibes :)

AGirlWorthLosing said...

I am hoping and praying for you and can not even imagine what you are going through mentally. Big hugs! Keep us posted.

Since we are going through fertility crap too, I feel your trumiph can be for both of us! Happy thoughts and sticky baby dust to you!

Anonymous said...

Hey you! I'm glad to see that you are still doing good! I have only gained back 14 pounds and i have 14 weeks to go, so i have to watch it! Its a girl by the way. I am praying for you and Marco. I'm so excited that you have finally started to get some gain in this baby makin thing! I hope that baby comes very soon! Please keep me posted! Love ya..Lissa

Chubby Chick said...

Good luck with the IVF! :)

Teale said...

I'll be thinking about you!