Today is Queens Day in the Netherlands, when we celebrate the Queen's birthday. Well actually we're celebrating the Queen's mother's birthday. Queen Beatrix's birthday (current Queen) is sometime in February but they just never changed the Holiday since her Mom's reign. I've blogged about Queen's Day every year so just a brief synapsis. It's a huge yardsale where everybody get's up at the asscrack of dawn to try to pawn the junk they don't want or need any longer on their fellow countrymen. There are also some stalls that are like the open market where the goods aren't used. It's also a time of celebration all over the city (and country). There are street parties everywhere, live music, DJ's from all over the world and lots and lots of beer and other alcoholic beverages. It also means the office is closed the rest of the week so it's a 5 day mini vacation for me! Happy Queen's Day!
Marco and I were up at the asscrack of dawn but for different reasons. I got to be on the English Breakfast radio show today as co-host. If you don't remember I did a show back in February and just haven't had the opportunity to do another one until this morning. That meant waking up at 5:45 to be at the studio at 6:40. Sweet, darling Marco got up just to drive me there. Awwww. This time around it was just me and the host, Chenoa, riding the airwaves. I really had a blast and I think he did too. I got to bring in some of my own CD's, which are all extremely old I must admit, and we just really got on well together. It was my first time meeting him and it was his first time running the show by himself and we managed to have a lot of laughs. Other than a small sna-fu with the phone (we couldn't get it to work so nobody could call in) and us playing the wrong track when we introduced a different one, I think the show went really well. I'll post a link a little later on so you can listen to the show if you'd like. I'm hoping that during my maternity leave I'll be able to help out some more and spend some more time at the studio. It's so much fun!
After the show Marco picked me up again and normal, off air life began again. We took the dog for a nice long walk where he managed to get into a canal and came out smelling like manure. Refreshing! We quickly went home and all had baths. Then Marco and I headed out to the sales to see if there was any junk around that we just "had to have". We came home with two new pillows (not used of course) and a carpet runner for the hallway. These were things we were going to need anyway but by buying them today we saved about 75% of what we would normall spend. Yay for a bargain!
No big plans for the rest of the Holiday. I think we may catch a movie but otherwise we're just chilling out at home. I hope you all are having fun, healthy and successful weeks!
(once again Blogger's spell check isn't working so pardon the errors. I'm too lazy to copy and paste it into another format to check the spelling. You'll survive. I promise!)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Didn't think of doing this earlier, thanks Marie!
I guess since I've talked about the readings I did I could go ahead and post them here (duh!). Here is the first one I read at the open mic night. It's called "Stolen". I wrote it soon after we received our diagnosis of azoospermia.
Stolen
By Sarah Aarssen
I'll never check the calendar smiling, thinking "hey I may be late".
I'll never suprise our parents with the news of their "grandparent" fate.
You've stolen all the joy that making a child is supposed to bring.
You've taken a beautiful moment and turned it into an ugly thing.
I'll never once experience the thrill of the three minute wait.
It's more like a tortured time, when one minute feels like eight.
I'll see there is no line and once again we'll have no child.
I'm bitter, angry and confused and that's to put it mild.
I had visions of telling my husband, a Dad you're soon to be.
To see the look upon his face, his hands on my belly.
We'll never argue over names or the colors for the room.
We'll never giggle over the little kicks that are coming from my womb.
You've taken from me a joy that I'll never get to know.
You've stolen what was rightfully mine, striking a sinking blow.
Why does this happen to me, to my love and to our life?
I didn't see this coming, "mother" belongs right after "wife".
Infertility is the thief that snuck into our lives.
Infertility steals the child from the husbands and the wives.
Infertility should be a crime but the punishment is not it's own.
It belongs to the couples who suffer, whose child does not come home.
The next one is "Silently Screaming" and I wrote this for a 'friend' who asked me to write something to help her husband understand how she was feeling. He always tried to be positive rather than just saying "this does effing suck" sometimes. So that inspired this one. It's a bit more dramatic than I usually write but it's just how it came out when I sat down and wrote it.
Silently Screaming
by Sarah Aarssen
You are my solid rock, my anchor, the one I lean on. You’re the one I depend on in my time of need. You are the one I love.
You are strong for me in every way. To see me hurt is pouring salt in your wound. You wipe my tears, you hold me close, your warmpth fills my body that’s been chilled to the bone. When I am so far down I cannot see the light of the sun, to feel the heat of it’s rays, all it takes is your gentle touch, your encouraging voice and once again I feel like I may be able to go on. To try one more time.
With every month that passes, with every day that goes by that we don’t hold our baby in our arms you seem to get stronger. There is always light at the end of your tunnel. That silver lining is a constant on your cloud.
You have so much faith, hope and will for this child... for me... for us. All those qualities I love about you but I would be lying if I didn’t say... I’m silently screaming.
I’ve tried to tell you how much I’m hurting. How broken I feel, but sometimes even I can’t find the words, so how can I expect you to understand? I open my mouth, my mind races with thoughts, my heart pounds out the words but my tongue remains still.
I’ve blamed myself time and time again, although I know we’re in this together. What’s wrong with ME? Why can’t I work right? What’s wrong with MY body. You have never made me feel guilty, but I can’t help but think it’s my fault. It’s such an isolating experience.
Even when all signs point to ‘yes’ for us, my body responds to injections, medicines, things that are supposed to make us parents, but still we remain childless. Things just don’t seem to go our way and I slip further away, alone. Alone not physically, because you’re always by my side, but alone in understanding or rather in not uderstanding.
When I see that once again it wasn’t our month, it cripples me. I feel weak and out of breath but at the same time so full of breath that I’m suffocating. It shakes me to my core.
I am standing in an big empty room, screaming so loud that the echos ring in my ears, yet you’re unable to hear me. You’re unable to understand because the words come out backwards, in another language, in tounges even I cannot comprehend. Of course you don’t understand, I don’t know how to make you understand.
Sometimes I want you to be raw. I want you to be real with me not for me but with me. I want you to scream with me, even if it is silently and nobody else can hear us. And who knows, maybe you already are?
I don’t want you to treat me so fragile, but I want you to pick me up and encourage me to scream with you. Scream at how unfair it is, because, my love, it is so unfair.
I want you to jump, throw punches and beat the punching bag with me because God dammit nothing else is working and we have to get this out of us. It may not help but wont it feel good?
I don’t want you to be strong for me, I want you to be strong with me. I want to run until we’re breathless and collapse on the ground. I want to cry in each other’s arms for what we want so badly yet can’t seem to acheive. I want to break the dishes, bang the pots and pans and shatter glass like our hearts have been shattered.
I want us to get mean, get down to the core and be raw. Be exposed. I need to be exposed. I need you to be exposed along side me.
You are my solid rock, my anchor, the one I lean on. You are the one I depend on in my time of need. You are my love. Scream with me my love. I need it.
And of course the one I wrote for Marco. I didn't name it so it's just called "for Marco". LOL
Strength to keep on trying.
Will to keep on going.
Power to hold me up.
Ability to make me smile.
Arms that keep on hugging.
Patience that keep on waiting.
Enegry to continue on, even though it's sometimes tough.
Selflessness that keeps on giving.
Passion to be my partner.
Humor to be my mate.
Want to be my friend.
Love to be a father to our son or to our daughter.
Gift you've selflessly given.
Our world is forever changed.
You are my reason for laughing.
You're the best explination I can think of for smiling.
You're my most intimate thought.
You are my passionate sentiment.
I know it may not rhyme.
It may sound so cliché.
It may be a list, not a poem.
but it's the things I wanted to say.
Stolen
By Sarah Aarssen
I'll never check the calendar smiling, thinking "hey I may be late".
I'll never suprise our parents with the news of their "grandparent" fate.
You've stolen all the joy that making a child is supposed to bring.
You've taken a beautiful moment and turned it into an ugly thing.
I'll never once experience the thrill of the three minute wait.
It's more like a tortured time, when one minute feels like eight.
I'll see there is no line and once again we'll have no child.
I'm bitter, angry and confused and that's to put it mild.
I had visions of telling my husband, a Dad you're soon to be.
To see the look upon his face, his hands on my belly.
We'll never argue over names or the colors for the room.
We'll never giggle over the little kicks that are coming from my womb.
You've taken from me a joy that I'll never get to know.
You've stolen what was rightfully mine, striking a sinking blow.
Why does this happen to me, to my love and to our life?
I didn't see this coming, "mother" belongs right after "wife".
Infertility is the thief that snuck into our lives.
Infertility steals the child from the husbands and the wives.
Infertility should be a crime but the punishment is not it's own.
It belongs to the couples who suffer, whose child does not come home.
The next one is "Silently Screaming" and I wrote this for a 'friend' who asked me to write something to help her husband understand how she was feeling. He always tried to be positive rather than just saying "this does effing suck" sometimes. So that inspired this one. It's a bit more dramatic than I usually write but it's just how it came out when I sat down and wrote it.
Silently Screaming
by Sarah Aarssen
You are my solid rock, my anchor, the one I lean on. You’re the one I depend on in my time of need. You are the one I love.
You are strong for me in every way. To see me hurt is pouring salt in your wound. You wipe my tears, you hold me close, your warmpth fills my body that’s been chilled to the bone. When I am so far down I cannot see the light of the sun, to feel the heat of it’s rays, all it takes is your gentle touch, your encouraging voice and once again I feel like I may be able to go on. To try one more time.
With every month that passes, with every day that goes by that we don’t hold our baby in our arms you seem to get stronger. There is always light at the end of your tunnel. That silver lining is a constant on your cloud.
You have so much faith, hope and will for this child... for me... for us. All those qualities I love about you but I would be lying if I didn’t say... I’m silently screaming.
I’ve tried to tell you how much I’m hurting. How broken I feel, but sometimes even I can’t find the words, so how can I expect you to understand? I open my mouth, my mind races with thoughts, my heart pounds out the words but my tongue remains still.
I’ve blamed myself time and time again, although I know we’re in this together. What’s wrong with ME? Why can’t I work right? What’s wrong with MY body. You have never made me feel guilty, but I can’t help but think it’s my fault. It’s such an isolating experience.
Even when all signs point to ‘yes’ for us, my body responds to injections, medicines, things that are supposed to make us parents, but still we remain childless. Things just don’t seem to go our way and I slip further away, alone. Alone not physically, because you’re always by my side, but alone in understanding or rather in not uderstanding.
When I see that once again it wasn’t our month, it cripples me. I feel weak and out of breath but at the same time so full of breath that I’m suffocating. It shakes me to my core.
I am standing in an big empty room, screaming so loud that the echos ring in my ears, yet you’re unable to hear me. You’re unable to understand because the words come out backwards, in another language, in tounges even I cannot comprehend. Of course you don’t understand, I don’t know how to make you understand.
Sometimes I want you to be raw. I want you to be real with me not for me but with me. I want you to scream with me, even if it is silently and nobody else can hear us. And who knows, maybe you already are?
I don’t want you to treat me so fragile, but I want you to pick me up and encourage me to scream with you. Scream at how unfair it is, because, my love, it is so unfair.
I want you to jump, throw punches and beat the punching bag with me because God dammit nothing else is working and we have to get this out of us. It may not help but wont it feel good?
I don’t want you to be strong for me, I want you to be strong with me. I want to run until we’re breathless and collapse on the ground. I want to cry in each other’s arms for what we want so badly yet can’t seem to acheive. I want to break the dishes, bang the pots and pans and shatter glass like our hearts have been shattered.
I want us to get mean, get down to the core and be raw. Be exposed. I need to be exposed. I need you to be exposed along side me.
You are my solid rock, my anchor, the one I lean on. You are the one I depend on in my time of need. You are my love. Scream with me my love. I need it.
And of course the one I wrote for Marco. I didn't name it so it's just called "for Marco". LOL
Strength to keep on trying.
Will to keep on going.
Power to hold me up.
Ability to make me smile.
Arms that keep on hugging.
Patience that keep on waiting.
Enegry to continue on, even though it's sometimes tough.
Selflessness that keeps on giving.
Passion to be my partner.
Humor to be my mate.
Want to be my friend.
Love to be a father to our son or to our daughter.
Gift you've selflessly given.
Our world is forever changed.
You are my reason for laughing.
You're the best explination I can think of for smiling.
You're my most intimate thought.
You are my passionate sentiment.
I know it may not rhyme.
It may sound so cliché.
It may be a list, not a poem.
but it's the things I wanted to say.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
I'm no longer a virgin
What?!?!?!? Yeah, you read it right... I'm no longer a virgin... to open mic night!!!! Last night was the one I signed up for and I actually went through with it. I was the 5th performer and I wasn't nervous at all. I had practiced a few times beforehand so I knew I could get through the three '"writings" (I dont know if they're really poems) that I had written throughout our stuggle with infertility ("IF"). I was really glad that some of the first readers had "messages" as well, this was one of my worries, that it would be to "heavy" of a topic. When I went to the open mic night last month to check it out it was very light hearted.
I started speaking (generally) about our struggle with Infertility in the introduction and was explaining why I chose to read about IF and that's when my voice started shaking, along with the rest of my body. I really didn't expect my emotions to surface like that; I was totally taken by surprise. I was saying that I chose these passages because no matter who I talked to or met during our journey to conceive, when I would talk about our IF they would either know somebody who was also struggling or strugling themselves. Then, I continued on to introduce my first piece, Stolen, and was saying that I wrote it when we received our diagnosis and knew we would never have children in the way we had dreamed and I knew for a fact I wasnt going to make it through. My voice was cracking like mad.
Within the first 4 lines I was in tears. The crowd (about 25 people) was so sweet though. They really encouraged me and I could hear Marco shouting for me from the back (where he was videotaping, no less). By time I got to the 3rd verse there was a good 20 second pause where I just couldn't speak at all. As you all know, 20 seconds in front of an audience is a lifetime. It felt like forever! I finally made it through the whole poem after what seemed like an eternity and composed myself. The host brought me a tissue and thanked me and I said "no, I have two more!" LOL
I got through my second one "Silently Screaming" much better. My voice was still shakey but I made it with only a short-ish pause at the end few bits. I had worked on a new poem the night before especially for Marco and read that third. By time I got to that one I was doing much better. I got through it pretty okay and took my seat.
The very next performer was a singer. She started by saying "Thank you for sharing such a personal experience Sarah. After 11 miscarriages and one adoption later, I can appreciate what you've read more than you know". That made me feel SO MUCH BETTER! Not that she had had 11 miscarriages but that at least one person in the audience "got" what I was saying.
At the break about 7 or 8 people came to tell me thanks for sharing and how touching it was. They were glad to hear something so heartfelt, they said. Two other people mentioned knowing people with IF and one girl was an egg donor herself. One girl said I made her cry with Silently Screaming... in a good way, she added!
I was unsure but I think I made the right choice in reading these. Marco LOVED his "specially for him" poem and I watched the video last night when we got home and it wasn't nearly as bad as it felt while I was actually up there.
I didn't change the world but I did something that I've always wanted to do and now I know I can do it! All of my online "friends" and blog readers who are also struggling with IF were in my mind the entire time up there and really, last night was just as much for you all as it was for me.
I started speaking (generally) about our struggle with Infertility in the introduction and was explaining why I chose to read about IF and that's when my voice started shaking, along with the rest of my body. I really didn't expect my emotions to surface like that; I was totally taken by surprise. I was saying that I chose these passages because no matter who I talked to or met during our journey to conceive, when I would talk about our IF they would either know somebody who was also struggling or strugling themselves. Then, I continued on to introduce my first piece, Stolen, and was saying that I wrote it when we received our diagnosis and knew we would never have children in the way we had dreamed and I knew for a fact I wasnt going to make it through. My voice was cracking like mad.
Within the first 4 lines I was in tears. The crowd (about 25 people) was so sweet though. They really encouraged me and I could hear Marco shouting for me from the back (where he was videotaping, no less). By time I got to the 3rd verse there was a good 20 second pause where I just couldn't speak at all. As you all know, 20 seconds in front of an audience is a lifetime. It felt like forever! I finally made it through the whole poem after what seemed like an eternity and composed myself. The host brought me a tissue and thanked me and I said "no, I have two more!" LOL
I got through my second one "Silently Screaming" much better. My voice was still shakey but I made it with only a short-ish pause at the end few bits. I had worked on a new poem the night before especially for Marco and read that third. By time I got to that one I was doing much better. I got through it pretty okay and took my seat.
The very next performer was a singer. She started by saying "Thank you for sharing such a personal experience Sarah. After 11 miscarriages and one adoption later, I can appreciate what you've read more than you know". That made me feel SO MUCH BETTER! Not that she had had 11 miscarriages but that at least one person in the audience "got" what I was saying.
At the break about 7 or 8 people came to tell me thanks for sharing and how touching it was. They were glad to hear something so heartfelt, they said. Two other people mentioned knowing people with IF and one girl was an egg donor herself. One girl said I made her cry with Silently Screaming... in a good way, she added!
I was unsure but I think I made the right choice in reading these. Marco LOVED his "specially for him" poem and I watched the video last night when we got home and it wasn't nearly as bad as it felt while I was actually up there.
I didn't change the world but I did something that I've always wanted to do and now I know I can do it! All of my online "friends" and blog readers who are also struggling with IF were in my mind the entire time up there and really, last night was just as much for you all as it was for me.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
I forgot to get on the scale this morning but if yesterday's weight is any indication of what today should have brought then once again my weight would have remained the same from the week before, which is a good thing. Maybe, if I remember, I'll hop on tomorrow and give an update. I'm okay with staying the same right now because I am ahead of the 'packin on the pounds' pregnancy game anyway.
Friday is the open mike night that I told you all about before. I did sign myself up for this month and I am doing to do a reading. I have yet to exactly pin down what it is I'm going to get up and share but I have some ideas. I'll share more as I know more. Wish me luck!
Hope you all are having healthy weeks!
Friday is the open mike night that I told you all about before. I did sign myself up for this month and I am doing to do a reading. I have yet to exactly pin down what it is I'm going to get up and share but I have some ideas. I'll share more as I know more. Wish me luck!
Hope you all are having healthy weeks!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
All about my appointment, starring: My Uterus!
I had my re-scheduled appointment with my midwife this morning and it went pretty well. They didn't have the results from my diabetes test yet, surprise-surprise, so she is going to call me if they're bad and otherwise I'll just see her at my next appointment. Let's hope I don't hear from her!
She checked my blood pressure which was perfectly fine. I was (only) slightly worried that my blood pressure might be elevated as sometimes swelling can be due to preeclampsia which is linked to blood pressure (and protein in urine). As I've mentioned half a million times in the last month, my feet and ankles resemble bricks and potatoes in the evenings (pretty ain't it?). Thank goodness it's not a sign of anything wrong just one of the lovely side effects of pregnancy! Whew.
Now let's get down and dirty...let's talk about my uterus. I knew you all were just dying to hear about it! If you remember, which you probably don't, the midwife said last time that my uterus was measuring "a little ahead". I didn't think to ask exactly what "a little ahead" was to her but she didn't seem concerned so neither did I. I assumed it meant I was a few days ahead of schedule, which made sense to me since I know I'm further along than she says I am by about 3 days.
So she measured my belly, listened to the heartbeat, felt around for the baby and all was well. I asked "so last time I was measuring a little ahead you said, how am I this time?"
She took a look at her computer and said, "oh much better this time, you're measuring 2 weeks ahead."
Sorry?!?! Much BETTER?
"How far ahead was I measuring last time then?"
"5 weeks"
What!!!!!!!!! WOW! That's one supersized uterus! I'm actually glad that I didn't know this last time because I would have been extremely worried. WOW! 5 week ahead. As you all know and as WE know, we're not 5 weeks ahead, we know the exact date of ovulation and are pretty sure we have implantation day nailed down. The news was still shocking though.
She went on to explain that the measurements are just "averages" and every woman is different, yada, yada ,yada, but I seemed to be averaging myself out as time goes on and she's not worried yet. By next month she assumes I'll be right on target. She also said that it's only my uterus that is measuring big, the baby is measuring perfectly fine. So I guess all is good in Sadie's little Uterus-villa and she's got plenty of space to grow...hell, she's living in a mansion as far as uterine space is concerned.
So that was my visit! All is well in pregnancy land and we're counting down the last 96 days of my pregnancy!
She checked my blood pressure which was perfectly fine. I was (only) slightly worried that my blood pressure might be elevated as sometimes swelling can be due to preeclampsia which is linked to blood pressure (and protein in urine). As I've mentioned half a million times in the last month, my feet and ankles resemble bricks and potatoes in the evenings (pretty ain't it?). Thank goodness it's not a sign of anything wrong just one of the lovely side effects of pregnancy! Whew.
Now let's get down and dirty...let's talk about my uterus. I knew you all were just dying to hear about it! If you remember, which you probably don't, the midwife said last time that my uterus was measuring "a little ahead". I didn't think to ask exactly what "a little ahead" was to her but she didn't seem concerned so neither did I. I assumed it meant I was a few days ahead of schedule, which made sense to me since I know I'm further along than she says I am by about 3 days.
So she measured my belly, listened to the heartbeat, felt around for the baby and all was well. I asked "so last time I was measuring a little ahead you said, how am I this time?"
She took a look at her computer and said, "oh much better this time, you're measuring 2 weeks ahead."
Sorry?!?! Much BETTER?
"How far ahead was I measuring last time then?"
"5 weeks"
What!!!!!!!!! WOW! That's one supersized uterus! I'm actually glad that I didn't know this last time because I would have been extremely worried. WOW! 5 week ahead. As you all know and as WE know, we're not 5 weeks ahead, we know the exact date of ovulation and are pretty sure we have implantation day nailed down. The news was still shocking though.
She went on to explain that the measurements are just "averages" and every woman is different, yada, yada ,yada, but I seemed to be averaging myself out as time goes on and she's not worried yet. By next month she assumes I'll be right on target. She also said that it's only my uterus that is measuring big, the baby is measuring perfectly fine. So I guess all is good in Sadie's little Uterus-villa and she's got plenty of space to grow...hell, she's living in a mansion as far as uterine space is concerned.
So that was my visit! All is well in pregnancy land and we're counting down the last 96 days of my pregnancy!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Happy Tuesday everybody!
Well it was an unusual weigh-in this morning. I'm actually down about .6 kilos or a little over a pound. Maybe all this beautiful weather and extra walking has helped some? Who knows but I'll take it.
Sadie was extremely high up in my belly last night; the highest she's ever been. She was about 3 inches above my belly button and a little to the right side. I could feel something, either a little head, butt, knee, elbow...but something was protruding and then proceeded to do a little tae-bo before settling in for the nights sleep. The changes in my body never cease to amaze me and creep me out at times too!
Have a great week everybody!
Sadie was extremely high up in my belly last night; the highest she's ever been. She was about 3 inches above my belly button and a little to the right side. I could feel something, either a little head, butt, knee, elbow...but something was protruding and then proceeded to do a little tae-bo before settling in for the nights sleep. The changes in my body never cease to amaze me and creep me out at times too!
Have a great week everybody!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Change in plans
There was a slight change in plans today. I was supposed to have my appointment with my midwife this morning and get the results of my diabetes test. I haven't been too nervous about them as I think I'm doing just fine but still you just want to hear "everything's a-okay". Just as we were walking out the door my phone rang. It was my midwife's office calling to cancel my appointment and reschedule it for Wednesday. She was assisting a labor and couldn't keep her appointments this morning. Thank goodness my work is flexible so changing my appointment wasn't a big ordeal. It's only two more days to wait for my results and that's no big deal either.
I finally made our appointment for the 3d/4d ultrasound! We're scheduled for May 14th at 11:30 in the morning. I cannot wait! They will do a 2 dimensional ultrasound with pictures on a CD rom and a 3/4 dimensional ultrasound on DVD for us! Hopefully I'll be able to figure out how to put it on here to share with you all. I have been looking at some of the different 3d ones on youtube and they are just amazing. I can't wait to see Sadie again (and make sure she's still a Sadie and not a Ty!). The sonogram will last 30 minutes. That's a lot of baby time! I'll be 30 weeks which seems to be the latest most of those places like to do these types of ultra sounds. 30 weeks! WOW! That means my 3rd trimester is just around the corner! WOOHOO!
I'll do my weigh in tomorrow and then let you all know how the diabetes test turns out. I hope you're all having wonderful, successful and healthy weeks!
***********************************************
I wanted to say a great big CONGRATULATIONS to my blog reader Sarah and her husband on their long awaited pregnancy! Thank you for sharing a little bit of your story with me in your comment to my post below. As much as I have inspired you, you have inspired me, in that I know that my openness has helped somebody and really, that's what I am striving for. Thank you for leaving a comment and WELCOME TO MOMMYHOOD!
I finally made our appointment for the 3d/4d ultrasound! We're scheduled for May 14th at 11:30 in the morning. I cannot wait! They will do a 2 dimensional ultrasound with pictures on a CD rom and a 3/4 dimensional ultrasound on DVD for us! Hopefully I'll be able to figure out how to put it on here to share with you all. I have been looking at some of the different 3d ones on youtube and they are just amazing. I can't wait to see Sadie again (and make sure she's still a Sadie and not a Ty!). The sonogram will last 30 minutes. That's a lot of baby time! I'll be 30 weeks which seems to be the latest most of those places like to do these types of ultra sounds. 30 weeks! WOW! That means my 3rd trimester is just around the corner! WOOHOO!
I'll do my weigh in tomorrow and then let you all know how the diabetes test turns out. I hope you're all having wonderful, successful and healthy weeks!
***********************************************
I wanted to say a great big CONGRATULATIONS to my blog reader Sarah and her husband on their long awaited pregnancy! Thank you for sharing a little bit of your story with me in your comment to my post below. As much as I have inspired you, you have inspired me, in that I know that my openness has helped somebody and really, that's what I am striving for. Thank you for leaving a comment and WELCOME TO MOMMYHOOD!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Things perked up for me after the horrible diabetes test earlier this week. My left arm looks like I have a slight heroin addiction but hopefully the bruising will go away soon enough. I should get my results on Monday morning when I have my appointment with my midwife *fingers crossed*. So this is what went super for us throughout the rest of the week:
We received some great gifts for Sadie in the mail from my friend Teena which was so thoughtful (thanks Teena!) and it's always nice to get something from "home". Sadie got 3 books and two little outfits to add to her ever growing wardrobe. The books are super cute and exactly what we need! I can buy English books here but they're a bit over priced and the selection isn't what it is in the US. The outfits were super cute and Marco had them washed, dried and hung by midday. She added in a pack of Jolly Ranchers, which is Marco's favorite American candy, which totally made his week. I'll admit I went to work with a blue raspberry tongue at least twice.
My Mom started her countdown to her visit! As of today it's 149 days until she boards the plane to Amsterdam. I cannot wait! That countdown is only every so slightly outshined by the countdown for Sadie's arrival which is exactly 100 days from now! WOW! Tomorrow I'll be in double digits! I must confess, time still seems to be creeeeeeeeping by though.
We've had some pretty good weather in the evenings this week and it gave us a chance to do some extra walking with the dog, especially since it's staying light later. It felt so good to get out of the house and spend some extra time together that isn't interrupted or distracted by things like TV, the phone and the computer. Spending some quality time with Marco and Scooter is always wonderful.
I've found a place that will do our 3d/4d ultrasound and we'll be booking our appointment on Tuesday. They'll make a DVD for us and give us a CD rom of jpeg pictures so I'll be able to share with you all! I'm really looking forward to "seeing" our little girl again. (and double checking that, indeed, she is still a Sadie!)
Marco's been able to feel her kicks for about a week now. It happened for the first time about a week ago that I was laying on the couch with my feet up and she was practicing martial arts in my belly. She was really kicking hard so I thought he'd be able to feel her. He laid his hand on my belly and I would say "there" every time she'd kick. Finally she gave me one big wallop and I could just tell by the look on Marco's face he felt it. I didn't even have to tell him "THERE!". His eyes were the size of half dollars and he had the biggest grin on his face that didn't leave the rest of the evening. It was a great moment! Last night her movements were even more pronounced than I've felt them all along. It wasn't just kicking it was just waves of movements. Marco only had to put his hand there for a minute before she was boxing away at him. I didn't even have to tell him it happened, he just said "wow! She's so strong." He says he can imagine her little feet in there doing a tap dance on my tummy. It's such a nice sensation to be able to feel her moving around knowing she's getting so big and strong. I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune once her jabs are under my ribs and she's squeezing the living breath out of me, but for now I love every single moment of it.
We're looking forward to the delivery of the crib at the end of the month. Alexandra is working on the sketch of the mural and we've been discussing curtains and bedding. Seems like we'll have the entire room set up in plenty of time for Sadie's arrival. Of course we still have tons of things to buy...a stroller, a moses basket, a swing, a play mat, a bouncer seat, diapers, wipes, clothing, blankets, tiny socks, tiny shoes... and a plethora of other things I'm sure we just 'have to have' but for the most part the room will be finished! Geesh so many things for such a tiny little girl!
So even though the week started off rough it turned out pretty well. Hopefully the coming weeks will do the same and before you know it I'll be on maternity leave! WOOHOO!
Hope you all are having fun, healthy weekends!
We received some great gifts for Sadie in the mail from my friend Teena which was so thoughtful (thanks Teena!) and it's always nice to get something from "home". Sadie got 3 books and two little outfits to add to her ever growing wardrobe. The books are super cute and exactly what we need! I can buy English books here but they're a bit over priced and the selection isn't what it is in the US. The outfits were super cute and Marco had them washed, dried and hung by midday. She added in a pack of Jolly Ranchers, which is Marco's favorite American candy, which totally made his week. I'll admit I went to work with a blue raspberry tongue at least twice.
My Mom started her countdown to her visit! As of today it's 149 days until she boards the plane to Amsterdam. I cannot wait! That countdown is only every so slightly outshined by the countdown for Sadie's arrival which is exactly 100 days from now! WOW! Tomorrow I'll be in double digits! I must confess, time still seems to be creeeeeeeeping by though.
We've had some pretty good weather in the evenings this week and it gave us a chance to do some extra walking with the dog, especially since it's staying light later. It felt so good to get out of the house and spend some extra time together that isn't interrupted or distracted by things like TV, the phone and the computer. Spending some quality time with Marco and Scooter is always wonderful.
I've found a place that will do our 3d/4d ultrasound and we'll be booking our appointment on Tuesday. They'll make a DVD for us and give us a CD rom of jpeg pictures so I'll be able to share with you all! I'm really looking forward to "seeing" our little girl again. (and double checking that, indeed, she is still a Sadie!)
Marco's been able to feel her kicks for about a week now. It happened for the first time about a week ago that I was laying on the couch with my feet up and she was practicing martial arts in my belly. She was really kicking hard so I thought he'd be able to feel her. He laid his hand on my belly and I would say "there" every time she'd kick. Finally she gave me one big wallop and I could just tell by the look on Marco's face he felt it. I didn't even have to tell him "THERE!". His eyes were the size of half dollars and he had the biggest grin on his face that didn't leave the rest of the evening. It was a great moment! Last night her movements were even more pronounced than I've felt them all along. It wasn't just kicking it was just waves of movements. Marco only had to put his hand there for a minute before she was boxing away at him. I didn't even have to tell him it happened, he just said "wow! She's so strong." He says he can imagine her little feet in there doing a tap dance on my tummy. It's such a nice sensation to be able to feel her moving around knowing she's getting so big and strong. I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune once her jabs are under my ribs and she's squeezing the living breath out of me, but for now I love every single moment of it.
We're looking forward to the delivery of the crib at the end of the month. Alexandra is working on the sketch of the mural and we've been discussing curtains and bedding. Seems like we'll have the entire room set up in plenty of time for Sadie's arrival. Of course we still have tons of things to buy...a stroller, a moses basket, a swing, a play mat, a bouncer seat, diapers, wipes, clothing, blankets, tiny socks, tiny shoes... and a plethora of other things I'm sure we just 'have to have' but for the most part the room will be finished! Geesh so many things for such a tiny little girl!
So even though the week started off rough it turned out pretty well. Hopefully the coming weeks will do the same and before you know it I'll be on maternity leave! WOOHOO!
Hope you all are having fun, healthy weekends!
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Well yesterday sucked.
I had to go in for my gestational diabetes test first thing yesterday morning and it just blew. I think in the US everybody does the one hour glucose test and then if you fail you take the 3 hour test but here you only take a 2 hour glucose test if your BMI is over a certain point pre-pregnancy. Even with all my hard work before getting pregnant my BMI still put me in the “risk” range for GD so I had to take the test. They gave me a diet to follow for two days prior to the test which I thought was odd. It had me eating things like break butter and jam for breakfast with fruit juice. Then I was supposed to have a snack of cookies (2) and fruit juice or soda. Then lunch of bread, meat, cheese, fruit and MORE juice or soda. Then another cookie/juice/soda snack followed by a dinner of meat, veg, potatoes with dessert and a final snack of cookies juice or soda before bed. Two days of this diet sucked. I just don’t drink that much juice and/or soda on a daily basis nor do I eat 6 cookies a day. I had to have nothing else after 10 o’clock the night before the test.
I went in yesterday morning at 8 and once I finally got into the lab they pricked my finger to get a sugar reading. I was 3.6 which was good. They said if I was above 8 then they would have to call my midwife (and tell on me I guess?). They also took 4 vials of blood at this time. Then they gave me a bottle of the most disgusting drink ever created. It was like somebody melted sugar and served it to you at room temperature. It was so sickening sweet and I had to drink the whole thing. I started out just drinking regular mouthfuls but after three times of drinking, shuddering, getting goose bumps and making a distorted face I decided this just wasn’t happening. If I was going to do this I was going to have to chug it. So I did. It was sickening. They gave me an egg timer set for an hour and sent me back to the waiting room.
It was such a long hour. I felt like the entire drink was sitting in my throat just waiting to make a second appearance at any given time. Thank God Marco came with me and distracted me to make the time go by faster. My timer went off and the stuck me with another needle to draw some more blood, sent me back to the waiting room with another hour on the clock. The second hour was equally as sickening as the first with the drink still feeling like it could come up at any minute. I also felt a bit dizzy and lightheaded. Sadie was practicing her ninja moves which I guess any child would do after a breakfast of pure sugar water. Finally the hour was up and they drew my blood for the 3rd time (in the same arm) and sent me dizzily on my way.
Manipulating your blood sugar isn’t a good thing if you ask me. I felt sick all day long to be honest. I had a bagel with cream cheese afterwards to try and get that gross taste out of my mouth and to level myself out but no matter what I did the sick feeling didn’t go away…all day. It also gave me a headache. Yay! When I got to work around noon everybody took one look at me and there was an audible gasp. I was white as a Brit’s ass in the dead of winter and felt as great as I looked. They tried sending me home but I knew I just needed a few hours before I would level out again and feel better. Boy was I wrong but I stuck it out and finished my workday at 5:30. What a trooper… or what a sucker… I can’t decide.
I guess I get the results in 2 weeks time when I have my next appointment with my midwife. I fricking hope it turns out okay. Cross your fingers for me!
I didn’t weigh in yesterday but I did step up today. I gained another kilo and a bit. Helaas pindakaas (it’s a Dutch phrase which roughly means, “oh well, what are you going to do” but literally translates “unfortunate peanutbutter”. Well it rhymes in dutch. I am swollen like hell. My belly is really expanding and my belly button looks extremely alien. It’s almost flat. I try to imagine what I’m going to look like down the road but I just can’t get a clear picture. I think Goodyear may have a photo that I can compare to though. I can feel Sadie getting stronger every week and she is extremely active nowadays. What started out as a little tickle and then moved onto a little heartbeat is now feeling more like actual kicks to my innards that reverberate outwardly. It’s so unbelievable…in a very good way.
I hope you all are having very healthy and successful weeks!
I went in yesterday morning at 8 and once I finally got into the lab they pricked my finger to get a sugar reading. I was 3.6 which was good. They said if I was above 8 then they would have to call my midwife (and tell on me I guess?). They also took 4 vials of blood at this time. Then they gave me a bottle of the most disgusting drink ever created. It was like somebody melted sugar and served it to you at room temperature. It was so sickening sweet and I had to drink the whole thing. I started out just drinking regular mouthfuls but after three times of drinking, shuddering, getting goose bumps and making a distorted face I decided this just wasn’t happening. If I was going to do this I was going to have to chug it. So I did. It was sickening. They gave me an egg timer set for an hour and sent me back to the waiting room.
It was such a long hour. I felt like the entire drink was sitting in my throat just waiting to make a second appearance at any given time. Thank God Marco came with me and distracted me to make the time go by faster. My timer went off and the stuck me with another needle to draw some more blood, sent me back to the waiting room with another hour on the clock. The second hour was equally as sickening as the first with the drink still feeling like it could come up at any minute. I also felt a bit dizzy and lightheaded. Sadie was practicing her ninja moves which I guess any child would do after a breakfast of pure sugar water. Finally the hour was up and they drew my blood for the 3rd time (in the same arm) and sent me dizzily on my way.
Manipulating your blood sugar isn’t a good thing if you ask me. I felt sick all day long to be honest. I had a bagel with cream cheese afterwards to try and get that gross taste out of my mouth and to level myself out but no matter what I did the sick feeling didn’t go away…all day. It also gave me a headache. Yay! When I got to work around noon everybody took one look at me and there was an audible gasp. I was white as a Brit’s ass in the dead of winter and felt as great as I looked. They tried sending me home but I knew I just needed a few hours before I would level out again and feel better. Boy was I wrong but I stuck it out and finished my workday at 5:30. What a trooper… or what a sucker… I can’t decide.
I guess I get the results in 2 weeks time when I have my next appointment with my midwife. I fricking hope it turns out okay. Cross your fingers for me!
I didn’t weigh in yesterday but I did step up today. I gained another kilo and a bit. Helaas pindakaas (it’s a Dutch phrase which roughly means, “oh well, what are you going to do” but literally translates “unfortunate peanutbutter”. Well it rhymes in dutch. I am swollen like hell. My belly is really expanding and my belly button looks extremely alien. It’s almost flat. I try to imagine what I’m going to look like down the road but I just can’t get a clear picture. I think Goodyear may have a photo that I can compare to though. I can feel Sadie getting stronger every week and she is extremely active nowadays. What started out as a little tickle and then moved onto a little heartbeat is now feeling more like actual kicks to my innards that reverberate outwardly. It’s so unbelievable…in a very good way.
I hope you all are having very healthy and successful weeks!
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Suprisingly great end to a so-so Saturday
Our big mission in recent months is to find a stroller. We've been to every shop, every store, every sale, read every review, test drove every brand and still we have no decision on what we're going to use. Yesterday, like the troopers we are, we went to a big sale hoping to find a stroller that was affordable (this is the most expensive item we're buying if you can believe it!), drivable and store-able in our car. We got an ad in the mail about this huge baby warehouse that was having a gigantor sale in Hilversum (about 20 minutes outside of Amsterdam). We got our directions from the internet and went on our way.
As usual the directions were wrong. We spent a good part of a half hour driving in circles and asking every passerby if they could help us find this street. We finally arrived at the "warehouse" and were less than impressed. It was a small store, 3 stories high jam packed with crap. How dare they call themselves a warehouse! Even before we went in we were defeated. You couldn't even walk side by side down an aisle it was so small and this big "sale" they were boasting about was on select strollers in select (read: ugly) colors. We were in and out of there in 15 minutes tops and that was after lingering about hoping the ad was a big joke and there really was a warehouse tucked away inside there somewhere.
We decided not to let that sna-fu bring us down. We'd go to another shopping center back in Amsterdam and check out stuff there. Another wrong exit, another bout of driving around aimlessly but eventually we made it. By this time it was 2:30 and we'd managed to piss the better half of the day away. This shopping center didn't prove to be any better than the first place we trudged through and once again we headed out empty handed.
We went to the grocery store which is a compete and utter madhouse on Saturdays and always sends me into a foul mood. We came home and I called my Mom just to see what was going on around there. We were supposed to book her flight to come visit us in September, after Sadie's arrival. Well she him-hawed around a little bit until I finally drug it out of her that she hadn't put the money in my account yet to book her flight and she was going to do it later in the week and just have my brother book them for her. I couldn't hide my disappointment, even over the phone, as I was dying to get her booked and I wanted to "be there" when she did it. We hung up shortly thereafter.
In the course of ten minutes I already had it worked out in my head that she wasn't going to come after all. She'd changed her mind and just didn't want to tell me. You know how your mind wanders and works in it's evil way (okay so at least mine does). After such a bummer morning and afternoon this didn't perk up my mood any. Dare I say I was a wee bit bitchy? Yeah.
When low and behold the phone rang again...it was my Mom.
"I just ran to the bank and put the money in, you can book my ticket."
me: (flabbergasted) "what? You put the money in my account? Won't it take a while to actually be on there?"
"No, they said it's in there already, let's book the flight!"
WOOHOO!!!!!!!!! Within 30 minutes she was booked! My Mom is actually coming here! She really didn't want to blow me off. She doesn't really hate my guts! She's really really coming to see me! AWESOME!
I was pretty much on cloud nine the rest of the day. I had a 'date' with Marco in the evening. We went and saw The Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson which was such a beautiful movie. Then after we went to our favorite ice cream shop for a sweet wrap up to our day.
Today is my mother in law's birthday celebration. We still have to go buy her a card and a gift (nothing like waiting until the last minute!) and then it's just the two of us hanging out for the rest of the afternoon. My favorite way to spend a lazy Sunday!
Hope you all are having wonderful weekends!
As usual the directions were wrong. We spent a good part of a half hour driving in circles and asking every passerby if they could help us find this street. We finally arrived at the "warehouse" and were less than impressed. It was a small store, 3 stories high jam packed with crap. How dare they call themselves a warehouse! Even before we went in we were defeated. You couldn't even walk side by side down an aisle it was so small and this big "sale" they were boasting about was on select strollers in select (read: ugly) colors. We were in and out of there in 15 minutes tops and that was after lingering about hoping the ad was a big joke and there really was a warehouse tucked away inside there somewhere.
We decided not to let that sna-fu bring us down. We'd go to another shopping center back in Amsterdam and check out stuff there. Another wrong exit, another bout of driving around aimlessly but eventually we made it. By this time it was 2:30 and we'd managed to piss the better half of the day away. This shopping center didn't prove to be any better than the first place we trudged through and once again we headed out empty handed.
We went to the grocery store which is a compete and utter madhouse on Saturdays and always sends me into a foul mood. We came home and I called my Mom just to see what was going on around there. We were supposed to book her flight to come visit us in September, after Sadie's arrival. Well she him-hawed around a little bit until I finally drug it out of her that she hadn't put the money in my account yet to book her flight and she was going to do it later in the week and just have my brother book them for her. I couldn't hide my disappointment, even over the phone, as I was dying to get her booked and I wanted to "be there" when she did it. We hung up shortly thereafter.
In the course of ten minutes I already had it worked out in my head that she wasn't going to come after all. She'd changed her mind and just didn't want to tell me. You know how your mind wanders and works in it's evil way (okay so at least mine does). After such a bummer morning and afternoon this didn't perk up my mood any. Dare I say I was a wee bit bitchy? Yeah.
When low and behold the phone rang again...it was my Mom.
"I just ran to the bank and put the money in, you can book my ticket."
me: (flabbergasted) "what? You put the money in my account? Won't it take a while to actually be on there?"
"No, they said it's in there already, let's book the flight!"
WOOHOO!!!!!!!!! Within 30 minutes she was booked! My Mom is actually coming here! She really didn't want to blow me off. She doesn't really hate my guts! She's really really coming to see me! AWESOME!
I was pretty much on cloud nine the rest of the day. I had a 'date' with Marco in the evening. We went and saw The Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson which was such a beautiful movie. Then after we went to our favorite ice cream shop for a sweet wrap up to our day.
Today is my mother in law's birthday celebration. We still have to go buy her a card and a gift (nothing like waiting until the last minute!) and then it's just the two of us hanging out for the rest of the afternoon. My favorite way to spend a lazy Sunday!
Hope you all are having wonderful weekends!
Friday, April 04, 2008
A little phenomeon called Ferras Alquasi
You may recognize the name from a recent Jay Leno appearance. Or it could be that you've seen him on The Today show or TRL on MTV. Maybe you've never heard of him but hopefully soon enough Ferras will be a household name!
So what in the world does Ferras Alquasi have to do with me or my blog... not a whole lot actually but he is originally from the tiny town in Illinois, where I'm from. He grew up with my brother and they graduated together!
He would do solos at the high school choir concerts and would give me goosebumps every time. I would go to every concert just to hear him to be honest (no offense to my brother or other choir members!). He also played the role of the traveling salesman in the school musical Oklahoma! You can bet your bottom dollar that's going to be shown on VH1 someday. LOL He was always such a talented musician, I think we all knew he would go far or at least we all hoped he would.
Apparently he just released his first album this month. I can honestly say that can't wait to buy it. There is just something special about seeing somebody who you "know" finally catch the dram they've been chasing. You can't help but be proud of them. Here is a link to his first solo song. He was just an amazing kid (well he's 26 now) and has worked so hard. He deserves this.
You can watch his video on youtube at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_G_w_F7vcdc
Enjoy it!
So what in the world does Ferras Alquasi have to do with me or my blog... not a whole lot actually but he is originally from the tiny town in Illinois, where I'm from. He grew up with my brother and they graduated together!
He would do solos at the high school choir concerts and would give me goosebumps every time. I would go to every concert just to hear him to be honest (no offense to my brother or other choir members!). He also played the role of the traveling salesman in the school musical Oklahoma! You can bet your bottom dollar that's going to be shown on VH1 someday. LOL He was always such a talented musician, I think we all knew he would go far or at least we all hoped he would.
Apparently he just released his first album this month. I can honestly say that can't wait to buy it. There is just something special about seeing somebody who you "know" finally catch the dram they've been chasing. You can't help but be proud of them. Here is a link to his first solo song. He was just an amazing kid (well he's 26 now) and has worked so hard. He deserves this.
You can watch his video on youtube at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_G_w_F7vcdc
Enjoy it!
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Pretty okay news on the scale this morning. I didn't gain anything in comparison to last weeks weigh-in which is great. I am retaining water like a sponge though. My feet and ankles don't even resemble feet and ankles anymore. They're more oversized-potato looking things with pretty red nails. You know your feet are huge when even your crocs are snug. Thank God I work in an extremely casual office atmosphere where crocs are welcome! I'm trying to sit with my feet up just as much as possible but it's difficult. I'm limiting my salt intake, which is something I do anyway and trying to down as much good-ole-H2O as I can handle. I think it's just a part of pregnancy I'm going to have to deal with. I'm not looking forward to the hot weather, that's for sure!
Hope you all are having fantastic healthy weeks!
Hope you all are having fantastic healthy weeks!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)