This was a dream that I had the other night:
I was living with my parents again. It was me, my parents and my brother all in one house. My brother and I were going to high school and I was running late. We were going to miss the bus.
In my head I kept thinking that I had to eat breakfast because I just couldn’t skip breakfast but I was running out of time. I was finishing getting dressed when I saw out of the corner of my eye that the bus was at the stop and we missed it.
Then a thought came to my head… I’m 30 years old… I can drive my car to high school. (why I didn’t think I’m 30 years old I don’t have to go to high school I have no idea!)
So I was finishing getting dressed and still worried about breakfast. I yelled to my brother that I would drive us to school but we had to stop at the gas station for breakfast. I was visualizing all the donuts, snacks, little debbies, twinkes, chips etc. that come along with a gas station breakfast. I knew those things were bad for me but knew I had to eat something.
So I walked into the kitchen and found that my mom had cooked breakfast… for a small army. The kitchen was absolutely full of every single type of breakfast food you could imagine… only none of it was healthy. It was fried eggs wrapped in bacon, sausages wrapped in bacon (yes, sausages wrapped in bacon), pancakes wrapped in greasy bacon, waffles with bacon on the side, hash browns, fresh deep friend donuts rolled in sugar… all of this totally awful food. And the food was all shiny, dripping in grease.
I started piling my plate with things but in my head I was saying how bad all of this food was for me. Then I went to the fridge to get some milk. When I opened it there were boxes upon boxes of cold pizza, one of my favorite breakfast foods. So I grabbed a slice of pizza and turned to put it on my plate but my plate was empty. I thought my brother stole my food off my plate but left the plate in my hand. But now I had plenty of room for all the delicious cold pizza so it was ok. Yes, I knew it was bad for me but it was going to keep me from going to the gas station on the way to school and I actually rationalized this in my head.
I stacked my plate high with cheesy pizza and sat at the table with my family. As I reached for the salt and looked back at my plate all of my food was gone again. This time I realized it disappeared, nobody stole it. I realized what was going on. I could be tempted with this fattening food and I could try to eat it but when it came right down to it I couldn’t do it.
The dream then continued on… but none of it was food related so no need to go on and on and on, not that I ever would.
So after waking up I began thinking what the dream meant. I know I’ve been thinking a lot about my trip to the US. I’ve also been trying to devise a game plan as to how to stay on track of my weight loss while home. Keith and Liz have both said we can workout together which is fun but it’s the food that’s really keeping me worried. I’ve said it in the past but food can really bring you “home” if your’e away from home. And once you are home you want to have everything that you can’t get while you’re away. The smell of your mom’s kitchen, the bakery that you used to love, your favorite restaurants that you just can’t get in Europe… they all bring you that comfort of home and I know I won’t be able to experience them once I’m back in Holland.
I believe I need to really concentrate on the mental part of my weight loss. This will be the true test if I have conquered the way I think of food. It’s not a way to love, to celebrate, to visit, to connect… it’s only a way to nourish my body. (*repeat until engrained in your mind)
2 comments:
I use to have sugar dreams. Where I would dream about eating all the things I was restricting. I would wake up terrified that I had gone off my diet. I think alcoholics have similar dreams (but with alcohol)..but I don't think that was what you were having. I just thought it was interesting.
I wouldn't be to depriving when you come home...maybe make a rule where you can have one thing you really want..or so on.
This is what I have done in the past. I go home (on a diet) and I'm great while at home. But as soon as I get back I seem to collapse. It maybe due to the fact that I felt so deprived or that I'm trying to fill a hole created by leaving my family behing. I know you aren't on a diet..but I would just watch out with being to restrictive...because you may go back feeling deprived and start eating things you otherwise wouldn't have.
But the most important thing, and I'm sure you know this, is to have fun and enjoy being home!
I have no idea what your dream means, but what you said makes pretty good sense. I wanted to say something about going home and eating though: A few years ago, I lost about 45 lbs. on Weight Watchers. And on weekends, when I would go home (I was living 550 miles from home at the time -- not QUITE the same, obviously, but going home was "special" and always full of food), I would eat whatever was cooked. In small -- very small -- portions. I didn't count points. If a brownie was offered up, I took it (well, 1/4 of it anyway). And when I would get back to my weigh-in the following week, if I gained anything at all, it was miniscule. And sometimes, I found that I even LOST during those trips home. I don't know if that's consistent with your plan (to eat what you want during your trip, but in small portions), but thought I'd throw it out there. I'm impressed how well you're doing!!
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