Wednesday, May 09, 2007


Just a brief synopsis of my life over the last 1.5 months. March 31st I left for a 3 week vacation in the US. Worked out probably 3 or 4 times while I was there. Ate like shit (well shit compared to how I'd been eating but still better than I used to eat in the US). Came back to the Netherlands April 20th about 3 or 4 pounds heavier. I was sick for a full week once I got back so never made it to the gym. Put on more weight. Last week we had Marco's cancer scare so obviously I was not going to the gym then. Ate like shit again, although in smaller quantities. Didn't gain weight but I sure didn't help myself.

So it's really been since March that I've had a proper workout and have eaten in a healthy manner.

Again, I'm not going to lie... I was worried and a little bit scared for myself. Worried that I was going to slip back into my old ways, my old life, my old eating habits. Scared that I had lost it. For the first time in this whole journey I thought "I might not be able to do this". I actually could see failure happening. I know I had only been out of the gym for a month or so but it felt like an eternity. I had serious doubts about my ability to lose this weight.

I came home from work tonight... Wednesday... my regular "gym" night in a past life. Marco had dinner almost ready which was perfect because then I'd have time to let my food settle before heading off to work out.

I changed into my workout clothes after dinner and my dear husband innocently asked what I was doing.

"Putting my workout clothes on" I stated... obviously.

"Oh. Don't you want to stay home and be snuggly with me?" (I think I even detected a slight flutter of eyelashes but cant be sure)

Good God YES I wanted to stay home with him! I would have LOVED to sit on the couch and watch the second episode of Friends with him. It would have been so easy... so snuggly... so absolutely opposite of what I needed to be doing!

I went to the bedroom and stepped on the scale. As I awaited my numeric destiny Marco looked over my shoulder. The number flashed and my fate was decided. My ass was going to the gym. Marco so kindly said "yeah OK you need to go to the gym."

Thanks... ass. (just kidding honey, I love ya!)

So I packed my gym bag and headed off. I didn't know what to expect from my workout really. I didn't even know if I could still do it. It really felt like it had been an eternity since I'd really moved my body.

I decided I was just going to do my cardio for today. My weights could wait. I hopped on the cross trainer and off I went. And went I did! For 45 whole minutes! Once again... I'm not going to lie... I kicked some major ASS!

Not only did I manage to make it through all 45 minutes (plus 5 minute cool down) I also made a new personal best for distance. I managed to go 7.5 kilometers (4.6 miles)! It felt awesome.

I am so glad I made myself go when it could have been oh-so-easy to stay home. I really feel like I'm back in the game now. I'm focused. I just needed that one little nudge to get the gears in motion once again. The doubt that I was feeling about my abilities has been pushed aside and I have renewed faith in myself. I can do this.

I'm soooooo doing this. I'm excited about it. I'm going to reach my goal. It's going to happen. Failing isn't an option.


Bathsheba Freud said...

Oh yay! I started reading your blog while you were in the US, and i love it. I'm so glad you know you're back on track. It's such an uplifting, inspiring inner-power feeling isn't it... It sounds like you've been through so much lately too. Wishing you all the best!

Sarah said...

Way to go. I'm so proud of you. One thing I have tried to do in the last couple of months is to take my negative energy and try to make something positive about it. so if I am feeling stressed out or angry, I go use that energy and do something good with it, so I work out and use that energy to burn calories. LOL