A recent post by CCC (who's link is broken at the right hand side but I will fix shortly) really made my heart break. She talked about a past relationship that she was in where, because of her size, the man would only see her on the side and it led her to be a person that she wasn't really all that happy with. You can read her post here:
http://ccclessofme.blogspot.com/2007/07/who-am-i-doing-this-for.html
Besides making me want to reach through my computer and give her a huge enormous hug and tell her what a loser that guy was, her post also made me think back to the days when I was dating and made me think about the things that went on in my unthin world. Did my weight make me interpret people differently than I would have if I were thinner? Maybe... it's really hard to say but I'd like to think I was pretty real and pretty true to myself, back in the day.
I'll have to admit some of the things guys would say were just incredibly ridiculous though. It would be laughable at first and then later just piss me off. Numerous times (and I really mean numerous) men would strike up a conversation with me and before you know it (within minutes) they were saying things like "I like my girls with a little meat on their bones" or "I've always liked big girls". All of this was said with a straight face and an air of confidence in their voice.
Now... somebody tell me... when this guy was across the bar thinking of what kind of smooth lines he could come up with before he came to talk to me why in the world did he ever think that mentioning my weight would be a good idea? It would be like going up to somebody who had a hairy mole on their nose and saying "Hey sweetheart, I've always found the wicked witch to be a huge turn-on". It's just a bad idea.
Maybe they thought that by bringing up my obviously unthinness they were trying to let me know "hey I accept you for who you are" but it just never went that way in my head. In my head when men would say things like "I like big woman", to me, it always made me assume that they thought I should lack confidence or have no self-esteem or be shy or be embarrassed of myself or that I owed them some sort of apology for my size. Umm... screw that. What I was sorry for was that the train wreck of a man who thought that by letting me know that my super-size was "ok with him" was going to get him somewhere with me, like I needed his sorry ass to make me feel "ok" with who I was. I. freaking. doubt. it.
Was that the poor man's intentions? Who knows? I never stuck around long enough after a line like that to find out but I do know that I would never go up to the man at the bar with the prosthetic leg and say "arrrrghhhhhh matey" and think to myself "man this guy's soooo gonna want my number."
God I'm glad I'm done with dating!
3 comments:
God, what an brilliant post. Just brilliant. Men are a complete pack of dicks at times. Seriously.
I think that so often when you're fat, people think it's the one thing that defines you. Like, if you love cupcakes (mmm, cupcakes) - you can't be into anything else. It's a super lame notion, this was a great post!
First off, thank you for the shoutout :) For a long time, I used to think that episode of my life was one I wanted to forget--now I see it as a measuring stick of where I am and how far I've come, physically, emotionally, and mentally...
I have never understood why men think "I've always like big women" is a good line. If that's what you're into, hey, more power to you.
But say "Hi" first. Get to know me. And then you can show me how hot you are for me by never, ever mentioning my weight.
(Although like you, I am beyond glad to be done with dating...here's to the men who could see beyond the physical and who we were blessed to find!)
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