After a lifetime of being overweight, I've had it, I'm over it & I'm getting through it. This blog is about me, my weight, my food obsession & my plan to break free. There are a million people out there trying to lose weight and twice as many ways to go about it. This is my .02 and my experiences in the weight loss world.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Confession: I'm addicted!
THE INFOMERCIAL!
I am so addicted to watching informecials and my fingers are just itching to dial the phone and order one of everything. The most recent infomercials that have captured my heart, although not yet my money, are the H2o Mop, the Sheer Cover Make-up and the Ped Egg.
The H2O Mop... what an item! It mops, it steams, it cleans the carpets, it dries the floor, it does hardwood...all without using any smelly and expensive chemicals! Throw away your closet full of mops, buckets, brooms, scrub brushes... toss it all out! Never rent a professional steamer again! The only machine you need is a H2O mop all for the low low price of ______ (I have no idea). Now I will admit I don't actually HAVE a room full of buckets, mops, scrub brushes, etc. I don't even have a mop. I have a Swiffer sweeper to get up the Scooter hair and dust (which I will confess to LOVING!) and then we wash the floors old school... on our hands and knees with a simple rag and some water. I also only have a very small area where this is necessary (the hall, the toilet, shower room and part of the kitchen) and these are generally kept clean anyway. We don't wear shoes in the house, we have a runner down the entire hall and well, we're just not that dirty I guess but oh how I want to be a proud owner of the H2O mop!
Now I can count the number of times I've slapped some make-up on my face this year on one hand. Possibly on one finger. I just can't be bothered to put make up on every single day. I'm not one of those women who needs a little mascara before stepping out the door. I'll confess to owning tons of Mary Kay make-up and I do LOVE to put it on because I have fun cool expensive brushes that go with it all but honestly it's such a pity for me to spend so much money on make up that should be tossed out. So why in the world am I DYING to order Sheer Cover Make-up? Because Melissa Gilbert uses it and so does the winner of season two of America's Next Top Model (although she doesn't have a speaking part in the commerical, I'm pretty sure it's Yoanna). Apparently Melissa has horrible skin and just loves this make up witch makes her look fabulous... like a movie star I dare say. And Yoanna apparently needs this same coverage for her ANTM face. In this informercial they take old women with spider veins and cover them right up before your eyes! (the veins, not the women) They make people who have birthmarks, freckles, pimples, bags...whatever it is you have... they cover it! Amazing! So what if I don't really have anything much to cover up... the fact is that I can mix my color to match my skin (does it come in pale-as-a-brit's-ass-in-the-dead-of-winter because I'm fairly certain that's the "shade" I am?) and just tap the brush and voila, I look like a million bucks! I want this make up and I want it now!
And lastly but definately not least... the Ped Egg. It's the cheese grater for your feet! And actually I watch this informercial not really with the longing to OWN a Ped Egg but more in shock and disgust for the feet that they showcase on the commercial. Who in the world has feet that look like that?! I can't even begin to imagine how long you must go without touching your foot with any sort of water, cloth or exfoliator to get a foot as scaley as these tootsies on the TV. And the fact that they catch all of the foot shavings in this handy dandy little Ped Egg just scares me. I can just see this little magic machine turning into a practical joke at some poor unsuspecting souls expense. Freshly grated parmesean? Ugh.
I just cannot seem to turn these shows off. I think it's best that I just don't turn the television on at all some days because before I know it 3 hours have passed and my hands are trembling to dial the phone... if I call NOW I can get the free gift! It's FREE!
I know some of you must also be informecial junkies (Keith I know you're one!) and can be sympathetic for my pathetic addiction... but what I really want to know is... which of you own these three items and how much do you LOVE them!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Larger than life and other smaller news...
Thursday, June 26, 2008
The Upcoming Birth
As I've never been to a birth class before I don't really have much to compare it to in the US but overall I think it went well. Since I am wanting to do an unmedicated water birth in a birthing center (not a hospital, although the center is connected to the hospital) the approach of the class was exactly what I was hoping for. The instructor was a little more "mother earth-y" than I expected but she really was well informed, open, honest and had a great sense of humor. You just got the feeling that she wanted you to be as prepared as possible without being in a panic. She was encouaging us to go with out bodies, listen to what our bodies are telling us and if it feels right, do it. There isn't one way to birth a child and every woman, child and birth experience is different.
One of my biggest concerns about going into labor all along has been that I wouldn't be able to stay calm. This isn't necessarily a rational fear of mine because I generally do very well in internse or urgent situations. Of course these "situations" are not usually involving me personally or a child being squeezed out of me. It's really the aftermath (read: fainting) that really gets me, once you have time to sit and think about what just happened. So the class was really great in that sense. It helped me to know what to do when I did feel to intense, had trouble breathing through or with contractions and it helped Marco to know how to read the signs that things were not going well. It also taught him how to be a great coach and support for me. I have a feeling I'm going to need him more than he knows.
We learned and practiced different positions for before pushing and during pushing. We learned and practiced different massage techniques we can use for pain relief (this was my favorite part of course). Overall it was just a really great class. I feel like I can do this. I don't really have a choice at this point not to do it, but I really feel like I am prepared to get through this labor like a champ... or at least get through it alive.
We also did the tour of the birthing center last week (or was it 2 weeks ago). I was really impressed. It's seperate from the hospital and not owned by the hospital. It's basically like a well staffed hotel that knows all about helping women in labor. You go into your room and it really does look just like a hotel room. There is a huge bed, a TV, a table and bench, a fridge, cabinets... very hotel-y. In the bathroom is the birthing pool (the toilet is in a seperate room I believe). When you get there you aren't immediately hooked up to anything. No monitors, no IV, no doctor pushing you on pitocin to "speed things up", no nurse offering you drugs halfway through, no anything. You can eat if you feel like it. You can drink water, juice, tea when you're thirsty. None of this "no eating and only ice chips for the woman who has been laboring for HOURS and is soon going to need energy to push a baby out of her" like it was for my sister in her hospital births. It's an extremely natural approach to giving birth and this was something that has been extremely important to me since the beginning. It may not be this way for everybody... I know plenty of women who just wouldn't feel safe or comfortable in this non-medical environment and who want the epidural the moment they conceive but this is what I want for my birth.
After the baby is born you are allowed to take a shower, move around the room, lay on the bed... whatever it is you wish. You're also allowed to go home just as soon as you feel like it. I asked what most women do and she said the families usually stay for 3 or 4 hours and then pack up and go home so they can be together in their own beds, their own houses and start living their lives as a new family. This was the clincher for me. I get to go home. Soon. As soon as I want. With my husband and my baby. Perfect.
Of course things are much different here in Holland in that the midwife will come to my house to check me and the baby at least twice after the birth. I will have an in-home nurse (paid for with insurance) specialized in mom/baby stuff (I don't think that's the technical term) come to the house for 3 hours every day to check on me, check the baby, hel with breastfeeding and help us get settled in for the first 8 days we are home. I can kick her out anytime I want but I can also squeeze every minute out of her for those three hours as well. Some even do light housework, cooking, serving guests or other small tasks if you need her to. Since Marco will be with me for the first 2 weeks I don't think I'll need her that much but it's nice to know it's available.
So there you have it. I'm ready. Any time. Well anytime after I'm 37 weeks is fine. So I could have a baby next week or I could have a baby in 6 weeks if the little booger is late. Let's hope it's not the latter. I'm ready to meet my little girl and get started on the motherhood adventure.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
So saddened by a recent phone call home
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Dear Dr. Phil,
I just got off of the phone with my sister and knew I had to write to you immediately. My 11 year old niece, Ryleigh, is showing signs of food obsession and is already asking her mom, my sister, for diet pills. She isn't morbidly obese, in fact I don't even think she would qualify as obese yet but she is definately over weight and, at age 11, totally self conscious.
Ryleigh has always been a "good eater" we joked but after the talk I just had with sis I know this is so much more. Apparently Ry is grounded for sneaking 2.5 homemade cheeseburgers (so big ones) from the fridge after her mom and dad were out and the baby sitter was asleep and eating them all. This was after already eating her dinner, a cheeseburger, 2 servings of salad and some chips and being told no more food.
Ryleigh has already been taken off of plate clearing duty at their house because her parents discovered she was also clearing off (eating) the leftovers from her parents and siblings plates. After getting caught with the cheeseburgers she said to my sister "see this is why I want diet pills. I just can't stop Mom".
Sis has already taken Ry to the doctor who told her it's just a growth spurt, it will pass, but Ry has confessed to sneaking food for years now. That's no growth spurt.
Please reach out and help my niece. I don't care if she doesn't get to be on the show, just tell me what to do or where to send her for help. I, too, was food obsessed and am so very scared her. I don't want her to end up like me at age 28 and trying to change a life time of food obsessions (which I did with your book!).
I asked my sister to write to you but with 6 kids at home I don't know if she will find the time.
Please, save my niece from herself. She's only 11. I hope to hear back from you soon.
Sincerely, Sarah, concerned aunt and reformed food obsessor.
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I am so saddened by the conversation I had with my sister. I can see so much of myself in what she's telling me Ry has had to deal with. The doctor won't help and probably doesn't believe her or even know how to help her. They've tested her thyroid and done a physically and in that way, nothing is wrong that they can see. She, being 11, probably really doesn't understand why she is so obsessed with food. I know I didn't understand when I was her age... all I knew is that I wanted it and had to have it or I would feel paniked. It brought me back to some of my first posts on this blog so quickly and vividly, when I was reaching back in my memory as to when all of this food obsessing started for me...it was before Ryleigh's age but as I've said, this has been a long time going on for her as well. Already the pattern and habits are formed.
My sister is trying her best to focus on being healthy (not numbers, fat, and negative aspects of it) but Ryleigh gets so depressed, angry and hurt when she isn't able to eat everything she wants to. I don't even know what to tell my sister to do because honestly, she is doing everything I would be doing in her situation but it's just not helping. How do you tell an 11 year old that she is food obsessed without permanetly damaging any self esteem she would have?
I told my sister to take her to doctor after doctor until somebody listens to what she is saying and takes an interest in Ryleighs problem because it is so much more than a little growth spurt. I told her that nobody knows her child like SHE knows her child and she knows in her heart that this is so much more than just a little spurt. This is a problem that has potential to grow into a serious of other serious health problems including eating disorders (since she will often times eat until she is sick, literally).
The fact that my 11 year old niece is asking for diet pills to help her gain control of her eating just breaks my heart. I want to take her away and hold her and tell her how perfect she is and just help her but I know the help she needs is really beyond anything I could ever provide for her. I'm just really sad and worried for her. You always want so much more for the children in your life, wether it be your child or your younger cousin or your nieces and nephews. I just don't want her to have a repeat of what I went through as a food obsessed teen and adult. Kids (and adults) can be so very cruel. She doesn't deserve that. Nobody does.
The least funnest thing about pregnancy so far...
I am just so uncomfortable no matter what I do. I have these wretched gas pains that will not go away no matter how much I seem to "pass". I laid in bed for 30 minutes moaning from them today. Tried the fetal position but it's impossible to get in a fetal position with a huge belly.
It hurts to roll over because my belly is so heavy. My hips hurt (this is just this week this started). My back hurts. My pillow is too high, or too low, or too hot. The blankets are too hot or too cold or to purple.
I have restless legs and get legcramps. So I can't let my legs rest because of the restless legs but not resting them causes cramps. So circular! My feet are so swollen that they're throbbing.
Marco wants to snuggle and I feel horrible telling him to get away from me. I'm pretty sure he thinks I hate his guts (but I don't... I love his guts!)
I'm up peeing and average of 6 times a night now. When you're only sleeping 5 or so hours, that's a lot. Sadie's head is low in my pelvis so I have to rush to the bathroom thinking I'm about to burst but on the way there she inevitably moves and I realize I don't have to pee at all.
I've tried bathing before bed to relax me but once I hit the pillow my legs start the marathon-o-restlessness. Ugh. I have tried everything I can think of but I just lay there tossing and turning. I just cannot sleep!
Oh and then the sun is rising about 5:30 every morning and wakes me up or Scooter decides he needs to be petted at 6-ish and puts his face right next to mine on the side of the bed and cries. I love my doggy but I may have to kill him.
I need a massage or a shot of tequilla or a Xanax or an Acme anvil to fall on my head or a combination of the aforementioned to make me sleep!
Oh and last night pre-labor contractions began. Whoopee! I only had about 6 the entire night but they were strong enough to wake me up (after FINALLY getting to sleep).
Good news... all of this means I'm just THAT much closer to becomeing a MOMMY!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
One of my new favorite bloggers!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Happy Wednesday! Well...I don't know if happy...
Of course this morning didn't quite start out with the "bang" that I hoped it would. Instead of slowly waking up and rolling over to snuggle my husband for a little while before popping out of the sack I woke to the alarm of a foot cramp. As I extended my foot to relieve said foot cramp, whilst whispering a chorus of ow ow ow ow, the cramp took a detour and settled in my calf. As I then quickly flexed my foot to get rid of the, now, calf cramp, aforementioned foot cramp revived itself and was joined by an inner upper thigh cramp.
The inner upper thigh cramp is a little booger. I have no clue how to get rid of it. I moved my leg in a plethra of directions, none which seemed to relive this guy. I did chose to stick with the lesser of two evils though. A foot/thigh cramp combo is marginally less painful than a full on calf cramp anyday. So rather than extending my foot once again, bringing back the calf cramp, I decided to stand up and try and walk it out.
Well I stood up but I'm not sure if what I did would be considered walking. It was more like an Egor, with a solid step on one leg and a sliding of the cramped led right up behind it. I Egored over to the dresser where I did a number of odd movements trying to relieve the pain, still whispering ow ow ow ow ow to only be encouraged by a quiet "easy easy easy" from my drowsy eyed husband. Easy? What kind of advice is that?!?!?! There was nothing easy about this. Did he see the Egor? Did that look easy? Ahhh well, 7 a.m. was no time to start arguing.
I don't know what ovement finally got rid of the dualing cramps but after a few minutes of standing up they finally went away. Not exactly the perfect start to the day but hey, it can only get better, right? (God am I naive!)
Hope you all are doing well and having super healthy and successful weeks!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
New pic from Father's Day. 34 weeks and 6 days along!
Happy Father's Day!
I had plans to go out yesterday after Marco went to work and get him a new drill (he's constantly looking for drills but never buys one) and a sweet card because he was so thoughtful on Mom's day this year and got me a card from Sadie and a beautiful flower/plant. I couldn't get it ahead of time because of "budget restrictions" (read: we're poor LOL)
Well I ended up getting very bad pains in my stomach down my right side yesterday and had to call the midwife to come to the house. Then she didn't understand what was wrong with me so she sent me to the emergency doctors office. When all was said and done it was too late t go shopping and all the stores were closed (in Holland it's 6 on Saturdays and that's if you're lucky) plus I REALLY wasn't up for shopping. I could barely walk. I feel like such a schmuck because he really was so surprisingly thoughtful for me. I wanted to be sure his first father's day was special. Blah.
I did make him a card 'from' Sadie but I didn't get to get the gift. I did write in the card that he will be getting a new drill but of course I would have loved to have had it today.
p.s. I'm fine. The doctor said I either have kidney stones or severe gas problem which were causing the bend-over-holding-your-side-and-moaning pains. Ended up being gas I'm pretty sure. I had NO idea gas could hurt so badly or in this way. I'm a pretty tough cookie when it comes to pain and this was just shocking. They've since subsided and Sadie is a-okay. Glad to keep you up on my intestinal happenings!
Monday, June 09, 2008
More pictures to share!!!
We hung the art above the changing table (out of little arms reach). They were painted by my same friend, Alexandra, who did the mural. My favorite is the piggy on the swing with the pacifier in it's mouth! So cute!
http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8QcsWTNm2bMTi
You'll have to pardon my short posts or lack of posts in the next week. Work is crazy busy as I'm trying to tie up all lose ends before my maternity leave begins (June 19th!), train a new girl and keep sane!
Hope you are all having wonderful healthy successful weeks!
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Where Weighing-In with my .02 will wind up...
Although I am sure I will be telling tales and sharing pictures of our little girl, I am planning on getting back to focusing on losing weight! So to answer your question, this blog will get back on topic as I get back on the weight loss horse!
Granted for the first few months I probably won't be blogging much at all. Maybe an update here, a quick pop-in there, but I don't think this whole parenting thing is going to be easy-peasy. I'll probably be up around the clock, sleep deprived and the last thing on my mind will be stepping on the scale to let the world know if I lost or gained a pound. I girls gotta have her priorities.
Once we get into the swing of things though I hope to get back to my regularly scheduled weigh-ins and blogging. It will be important now more than ever that I get myself healthy, reach my weight loss goal and get myself into a healthy BMI range. So don't fret, all of these goals of mine have not been forgotten, they've just been placed on maternity leave! As I've said all along, whatever weight comes on during my pregnancy just has to come off again after the baby is born. There is just no other option. Since the beginning of this blog I've said failing is not an option and that still rings true today. Not reaching my weight loss goal is just not something I can let happen. I have worked too hard, gotten too close and know all too well how great it will be once I do reach that 200 pound mark (and eventually the 180 point).
I want to set a good healthy example for my child and in order to do so I have to (we have to) lead by example. That means portion control, not food obsessing, having healthy relationships with food, using it for nourishment (not entertainment) and making time for exercise daily. How I approach food and exercise in reference to my child has been in the back of my mind since we started trying to have a baby back in 2005. I want to avoid making some of the same mistakes with Sadie that I have made with myself such as rewarding with food, eating out of boredom... you know all of the things I fought so hard against in the beginning of this whole weight loss ordeal (and still occasionally struggle with). Marco and I have discussed, at length, that we want to have a healthy, happy household and family and that means all of us!
We've already looked into some mommy-baby swim classes and I'm meeting up with some other mommy-baby groups where I imagine many of us will want to get on the weight loss wagon. I hope to make some exercise partners there! Of course Marco will join me once again in the gym or bike riding or whatever it is we decide to do to get back in gear. I'm trying to set myself up for success here!
So there ya go oh faithful reader... I'm here to stay!
Monday, June 02, 2008
Sadie's nursery is World Famous!
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Pregnant Belly vs. Just a big ole belly.
For instance, when I was just overweight I could still paint my toes, tie my shoes, shave my legs, get up from a sitting position easily, roll over in bed... I led a very normal, functional life. Now that I have gained weight in the form of a oversized basketball on my belly it's quite different than just being overweight.
I was in the bathtub yesterday trying to soak my muscles to stave away those darned cramps before bedtime and decided, hey, I'll shave my legs. Oh did I have a surprise in store for me. My baby belly doesn't quite have the "give" that my bigger non-baby belly had. In fact, there is no give at all. It doesn't squish up. It just sits there, like a rock, like a basketball...unmoveable. So as I stretched and squirmed trying to lather up my legs I decided this probably wasn't going to work. If just lathering them up was this difficult imagine what would happen one I put a sharp little razor in my hands. I was imagining a lot of bleeding. Eventually I manuvered myself into a position where I could almost reach down my entire leg and just did the best I could do. Who's going to be looking at my Shrek ankles anyway? They'd be so engrossed in the thickness of my joints "formerly known as ankles" that a little hair wasn't going to phase them!
I've been wearing my crocs to work since the weather warmed up here and the swelling wouldn't allow me to jam my feet into any other shoe. Thank GOD the office is extremely casual. Well the weather had cooled a bit and it rained the past few days so when I walked the dog I wanted to wear my regular walking shoes...with laces. Usually I can just slip them on without untieing them but of course as my feet have almost doubled in size there was no way anything was just "slipping on". So I untied them, loosened the tounge and slid my feet into them. Then, of course, I had to tie them back up. So I bent over, arms outstretched, ready to lace em up and be on my way. Only my arms didn't quite reach my feet. In fact they barely reached mid calf. No problem, I'll just lean back a little on my leg and stretch a little more. Hmmmm, not working. Okay so I'll put my foot up on the bench and go from there. With a little manipulation involving tendons in my knee being strained to the furthest outward position possible before snapping, I got those bastards tied. Double knotted even. There was no way I was going to risk having to do THAT in public!
It makes me think back to when my best friend, Liz, was pregnant with her first baby, Cooper. The morning he was to be born (she was induced) I went to their house to help them get all packed and ready to go to the hospital. We were all really excited. She let me take one final "belly shot" of her before heading out the door. She slipped on her shoes and sat on the couch to lace them up. Naturally at that point it was impossible task so her husband Greg came over, liz propped up her foot on his leg and tied her shoes for her. It may sound cheesy but it was just a sweet moment to witness, to see the two of them, about to become parents, working as a team for such a menial task as tieing up some shoes. I was glad to be there to witness it. Eventually Marco will have to lace my shoes for me as well and I'm sure he'll do it just as happily as Greg did for Liz. He's been such a trooper through the whole pregnancy. I couldn't ask for a more caring, involved partner!
So as I carry on for the next 7 or so weeks I know things are going to be a bit more difficult for me to do on my own. So I'll have to give birth with hairy legs, that's not so bad, is it? So I'll need a crane to boost me up from my bed, which incedentally sits way to low to the ground. I'm sure you can rent a crane at a decent price. So what if slip on shoes are the only way to go from here on out. I sacrifice all of that (and so much more) to see this little one come into the world. Only seven little weeks to go. 7 little weeks!