Friday, August 17, 2007

Never in my life...

Over the past year my life has definately been overhauled, thanks to Dr. Phil's The Ultimate Weight Solutions (oh come ON! I haven't pimped his book out in a long time, quit rolling your eyes!) and some hard work on my part. I am no longer the person I was a year ago and that's a very good thing. I've been thinking recently about the things I used to do to myself with food and what havoc my emotional eating used to wreak on my body. Here's a run down of some of the way's I've abused my belly and body with food over my lifetime.
  • I've stuffed myself so full that I've actually gotten sick.
  • I've eaten to cure boredom/heartache/stress/happiness/illness.
  • I've purposely worn clothes that are "feed-your-face-like-you'll-never-eat-again" friendly (read: elastic) because I actually planned to stuff myself to the gills.
  • I've convinced myself that if nobody sees me eat it then I haven't really eaten it and it doesn't count.
  • I declared Thursday a weekly public holiday and called it "Fat Free Thursday". The meaning behind F.F.T. was that you could pretend that everything you ate on Thursdays was fat free even if it wasn't. Steak and Shake anybody? SURE! It's fat free Thursday. MMM I'm gonna have a 2 way with a Chili 5-way.
  • I've snuck food away from a common eating place because I knew it wasn't good for me and I was embarrassed and ashamed to be seen eating it.

There's a plethora of other horrible ways I used to manipulate and violate my poor body but I'll spare you the gory details.

Since I've started my most recent weight loss endeavor and dropped some weight I've also dropped these habits. It didn't happen over night and some of them didn't leave without a fight but I feel like I really have control now. That's something that I've never felt before ever... in my whole entire life. It's empowering.

But that's not what I'm talking about with the title of this post. Although I've never in my life felt so in control of my eating, I've had another "never in my life" moment or two in the past few weeks (actually about 10 out of the 14 days). It has definitely contributed to my last few losses come weigh-in time.

I've actually experienced food aversions. *an audible gasp is heard from the crowd (of three)* Yes, I have actually been nauseated by the thought of eating. The idea of passing a morsel of sustenance through my lips actually made me get goose bumps (or chicken skin as the Dutch refer to it) and do that strange shaky thing with my body. You know the one, where your entire body shudders and you stick your tongue out making the "I've never been so repulsed in my life" face... oh that's just me?).

The thought of eating/cooking/buying food has made my stomach turn. I did not think that this would ever be possible. (and please do not suggest that I'm pg. I'm not.)

I really don't know what to contribute this sudden aversion to food to. It's not too hot to eat and honestly I could be in the middle of the Mojave and still feel like a little something, ya know? I'm not taking any medication that would cause it. It's like I've been zapped off into a different realm but everybody else stayed the same.

But recently, in the past few weeks I have actually skipped whole meals, opting for a fruit or snack bar (or in some cases nothing, which I know isn't good for me but I just didn't feel like eating) instead because I just couldn't be bothered to actually eat.

I took a trip to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner and walked out empty handed. An entire grocery store and I couldn't find one single item that I wanted to eat.

I've taken this odd-albeit-good-for-my-weight-loss new happening in my life and kind of ran with it. I've been thinking that this as possibly the next step in my weight loss where I try to tune into my body more and listen to hunger signals to tell me when to eat rather than eating when it's time. It's called "Intuitive Eating" and there's a great book out there on it (that I haven't read).

Maybe the chapter of my weight loss book-of-life, where I deal with my emotional eating and form a new healthier outlook on food, is closing and a new one, is taking shape? It's a bit early to tell but we shall see.


The Pound Slayer said...

I can relate to all the items on your list of ways you have abused your body (except for the elastic waistband one, but maybe that's a gender thing).

It's great that you are getting over eating as an emotional response to things, but I really hope that you're not eating too LITTLE now. Take good care of yourself :)

P.S. - I had the sundae, I will blog about it tomorrow morning :P

Anonymous said...

I can't say I've had the exact same reaction as you, but I have had times where I was hungry (not just bored, but tummy rumbling hungry) and *nothing* sounded good to me.

I think it happens when we get into food patterns, and our body wants to try new stuff. Maybe?

Angela said...

I think the emotional eating piece may be the biggest factor for me...this is a really great post. I appreciate your candor, 'cuz I have SO been there too. said...

I"m new to this, but I think I did something wrong. My earlier comment is gone.

Michelle said...

Just found your blog and want to say, keep up the good work!

I've had moments where "nothing" sounded good, but my body was still telling me "you need to eat now!" because my metabolism has increased dramatically this past year. The consequences of me not eating is not pleasant (shakes, faintness, etc), so even though it's literally hard to eat something, I have to. My body despises anything with too much sugar these days, so I'm trying to go more natural.

*ccc* said...

You know...I've done the whole food bad behavior thing, but I've also had episodes like they one you're having now...with not wanting to eat or not finding anything I want.

Despite the fact I started this out about 100 pounds overweight, I was a picky eater. And since beginning this journey, I'm an even pickier eater...if I'm going to "spend" the calories on something, it better be good, not average.

And there have been times where I just didn't feel like I had the energy to find something healthy and good to eat, the idea of eating itself became work I didn't want to do. Odd, huh?

(Then there are the other times I've wanted to eat everything that's not bolted down, but that's another blog for another day, right?)

Hang in there. You're making incredible progress!