- I've stuffed myself so full that I've actually gotten sick.
- I've eaten to cure boredom/heartache/stress/happiness/illness.
- I've purposely worn clothes that are "feed-your-face-like-you'll-never-eat-again" friendly (read: elastic) because I actually planned to stuff myself to the gills.
- I've convinced myself that if nobody sees me eat it then I haven't really eaten it and it doesn't count.
- I declared Thursday a weekly public holiday and called it "Fat Free Thursday". The meaning behind F.F.T. was that you could pretend that everything you ate on Thursdays was fat free even if it wasn't. Steak and Shake anybody? SURE! It's fat free Thursday. MMM I'm gonna have a 2 way with a Chili 5-way.
- I've snuck food away from a common eating place because I knew it wasn't good for me and I was embarrassed and ashamed to be seen eating it.
There's a plethora of other horrible ways I used to manipulate and violate my poor body but I'll spare you the gory details.
Since I've started my most recent weight loss endeavor and dropped some weight I've also dropped these habits. It didn't happen over night and some of them didn't leave without a fight but I feel like I really have control now. That's something that I've never felt before ever... in my whole entire life. It's empowering.
But that's not what I'm talking about with the title of this post. Although I've never in my life felt so in control of my eating, I've had another "never in my life" moment or two in the past few weeks (actually about 10 out of the 14 days). It has definitely contributed to my last few losses come weigh-in time.
I've actually experienced food aversions. *an audible gasp is heard from the crowd (of three)* Yes, I have actually been nauseated by the thought of eating. The idea of passing a morsel of sustenance through my lips actually made me get goose bumps (or chicken skin as the Dutch refer to it) and do that strange shaky thing with my body. You know the one, where your entire body shudders and you stick your tongue out making the "I've never been so repulsed in my life" face... oh that's just me?).
The thought of eating/cooking/buying food has made my stomach turn. I did not think that this would ever be possible. (and please do not suggest that I'm pg. I'm not.)
I really don't know what to contribute this sudden aversion to food to. It's not too hot to eat and honestly I could be in the middle of the Mojave and still feel like a little something, ya know? I'm not taking any medication that would cause it. It's like I've been zapped off into a different realm but everybody else stayed the same.
But recently, in the past few weeks I have actually skipped whole meals, opting for a fruit or snack bar (or in some cases nothing, which I know isn't good for me but I just didn't feel like eating) instead because I just couldn't be bothered to actually eat.
I took a trip to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner and walked out empty handed. An entire grocery store and I couldn't find one single item that I wanted to eat.
I've taken this odd-albeit-good-for-my-weight-loss new happening in my life and kind of ran with it. I've been thinking that this as possibly the next step in my weight loss where I try to tune into my body more and listen to hunger signals to tell me when to eat rather than eating when it's time. It's called "Intuitive Eating" and there's a great book out there on it (that I haven't read).
Maybe the chapter of my weight loss book-of-life, where I deal with my emotional eating and form a new healthier outlook on food, is closing and a new one, is taking shape? It's a bit early to tell but we shall see.