Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Mortified... that's the only word to describe it. I was simply mortified when I saw the numbers looking up at me on the scale this morning. It put me in a bad mood. I'm at work and want to kill everybody who talks to me. I don't feel like doing anything. I want to crawl in a hole. Actually I want to punish myself. I tipped the scale at an even 114 kilos this morning. That's 250 pounds for your non-converters. That's ridiculous. That's inexcusable. That's just flat out gross.

I knew my eating hadn't been stellar the last few weeks but with weighing in weekly I thought I'd be more on top of it than I obviously have been. That's a huge jump of 2 kilos from last weeks weigh in. Yeah, I'm retaining some water but let's not bullshit one another okay?

So, I'm back at it. Not that I wasn't ever still at it but for real, I'm back at it. I've still got 18 weeks left of this pregnancy and I'm not going to get myself into a position where I can't take the weight off again. After the baby is born I'd like to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight within the first few months. Ugh. I'm so disappointed in myself.


clare(bills) said...

hey, lady, no need to be so hard on yourself! i know it's a bitch to see numbers you NEVER thought to see again. and i know how a number can throw a wrench in your psyche. but i also know that you can turn this around. i really, really know you can. and it's not gross. it's pretty natural to gain weight when you're all knocked up. it's gonna be okay. (and i'm totally proud of you for not saying f'it i might as well get fat now.)

Kate said...

Well, let's think about this. You're about 20 weeks preggo, give or take. You've gained 20 lbs, so thats a gain of a lb a week, essentially. Why is it acceptable to lose a pound a week, but not to gain a pound a week? You're growing a baby for cripes sake! You're making a human being! Don't be so hard on yourself, but don't let everything slide either! You can do this! Don't give up!!! :)

Amy said...

Okay. I understand the frustration. Being a loser/gainer over and over again, I understand the fear of the gain. Really, though...this isn't about you. No, no...I know what you're saying..."but I blah blah blah". It isn't. It is about the little person inside you. You can take care of you after that little person is out. It isn't worth the stress and anxiety now. It shouldn't be about that now.

This pg should be about enjoying the experience.

You need to give yourself permission to release the worries of gaining weight.

...at least that's what I'm telling myself in these next 9 months ;)