Shaking it off.

So I've made a bit of peace with myself after Tuesday's rotten weigh-in. Thanks to those who sent words of encouragement my way. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.

I really don't want to be one of those weight obsessed women during my pregnancy. Sounds funny coming from a woman who began this pregnancy tipping the scales at 231 lbs, doesn't it? I do want to enjoy this whole thing with no worries but I do have to keep in mind... I'm not your average women. Not that I'm above average or below average... I'm not sure really where I fall but I just know I'm not average. I have/had food issues. I have a lifetimes worth of bad habits and obsessions that I've worked to break or at least to clean up over the past year and a half. I've gone to great lengths to change my way of eating, my way of thinking, my way of talking to myself. I can't afford to let my guard down 100% because that downward slope to my old ways is a slippery one, greased down with extra butter to make the decent all the faster, putting me back in my old ways before you can say "I've super sized myself".

Maybe I am worrying a bit too much. Maybe I am being a bit hard on myself. I just have to make sure that I don't cross that line into the scary "I'm eating for 2" zone or the overzealous "I'll take it off during breastfeeding" zone and land myself right back where I started this whole thing. Good God wouldn't that be awful.

I think that is one good thing about keeping this blog up during my pregnancy, although I tend to concentrate more on "all things baby", it is still a constant reminder of where I have been, how far I've come and how much further I need to go. Blogging still keeps me accountable for my actions or inactions, whichever the case may be.

I have been a bit more excited while thinking about getting the weight off after the pregnancy. I've been devising little plans in my head of how I will get in exercise with Sadie once she arrives. Mommy and baby swim classes was first on my list. That will be fun. She's due at the end of July so hopefully with any luck I'll recover quickly from pushing this little pumpkin out of my peepaleepie (pronounced peep-a-leep-eeeee for those unfamiliar with the term, which I'm sure most of you are... unfamiliar that is) and be able to enjoy some of good weather which is extremely rare in these parts. Long walks in the neighborhood or at the mall or anywhere really will be great for me and for her. I can always continue my "free dance" although with my plans for breastfeeding hopefully working out I don't think I'll be doing the "naked free dance" anymore. I've actually already been preparing her for some free dancing. When I'm listening to my Ipod I hook one earphone over my ear and shove the other one down my shirt and press it against my belly. I also sing at the top of my lungs which I'm sure she gets a real kick out of. Yeah, this baby is in for a real trip once she's out and about in this world.

So okay, I'm shaking it off. I'm making some peace. I'm getting focused. I'm holding myself accountable. I'm going to do better. I'm going to be responsible. I'm going to be healthy for me and for this child. Here we go folks. Here we go.